Sounds like you have solution, you drinking pattern is much like mine, though i have fewer excesses. However, every now and then, i ‘stay dry’ for an extended period, usually lent. Partly to prove it to myself, as a challenge and to make sure i can. The first couple of weeks are not easy.

Morning Torm,

As you know I used to love a smoke, at times this meant I didn’t really drink at all, at other times I’ve smoked heavily and drank a four pack a night. Never has this gotten in the way of my career or my sporting endeavours.

Nowadays, having binned all smoking, I drink a couple of glasses of wine a night, medicinal isn’t it? Makes your meal taste better. I tend to go for red as it’s got loads of anti-oxidants in it. It’s pretty much a superfood, right? I do have a couple of nights off a week though, most weeks anyway.

For me, as with smoking, it’s very habitual, not that the alcohol per se is helping me relax, but the process of pouring a glass etc all helps to distinguish between being busy doing stuff and relaxing. Having a couple of glasses doesn’t stop me driving to work, and doesn’t stop me making it to the pool for 7am everyday btw.

Do like a nice glass of armangac too, might get another bottle on the way home. I think the solution to this is that we meet up and get slightly drunk round Phil’s?

Yeti

I was going to post one of the several “drunk lolcat” images, but this is not the time or the place.

Going to be blunt as no amount of prettying up my words will make them any easier to hear… plus I figured you’re the kinda chap who’d prefer blunt to wishywashy.

Comparing your drinking to your dad wont help, you’ll always be able to argue you’re not as bad as him and this will mean you’re not comparing yourself to a “normal drinker”.

Drinking 6 units or more nearly everyday isnt good for you, forget research, forget trying to compare your consumption with what other STWers drink…. non drinkers will be ignored and you’ll find solace in the “I drink a bottle of red every day and I’m fine, dont let the TJ tell you what to think!” type responses

Well done for laying off the smoking ‘cos the fiance doesnt like it 🙂 replacing smoke with alcohol isn’t fantastic though… exercise does wonders for mental health, stress levels, motivation etc etc heard it all before blah blah…. but it’s true 😀 If you want we should make a weekly ride at your end or my end, so at least the company (have I mentioned how awesome I am?) and motivation of having the other person wanting to ride might help create another booze free evening?

I know that addiction… is bad for my self esteem and for my sense of feeling normal but I have always had a void that seems to need to be filled and despite my best efforts, have always returned to a consumptive behaviour pattern.

Very reflective, TSY, give this man a hug. I could go on through your post and pick apart what you’ve written but to summarise it comes across as a mix of “I know I’ve got a problem but dont know how to fix it” and “It’s not really a problem is it? somebody tell me they drink more and are fine.. it’s just the silly women worrying” she’s worrying ‘cos the crazy thing loves you.

You’re intelligent, you know which way forward is going to mean you’re at a HUGE risk of turning into your dad, and which will put you on track for a healthier body, mind and relationship 🙂

And just for luck:

EDIT, you posted a response whilst i was writing… my advice and offer of regular rideness still stands.

Phil, you saying I’ve got a problem, ‘fight you!’

Thing that has made me think recently is that I’ve been going for drinks with people that are outside my normal social circle. These people go into pubs and don’t have a drink, like, WTF? What is wrong with them? So I have as much as I’m allowed to because of driving, then get home and have a nice glass of armangac to unwind. 😳

Also, it seems that a lot of people who live on there own don’t drink with their meals, I don’t want to have to get a housemate just so I can have a drink in the evening!

Oh yeah, we can hug when we get to Phil’s.

Without going into details but from experience, I’d suggest that you speak with your GP as they are able to refer you to a range of conselling resources that can help. I’d say you drink too much and also it sounds like you regularly drink alone which is a bit of a red flag.

First you have to come to understand why you drink and then you need to replace the drink with something else that has the same effect on your mind.

Without the negative physiological side effects.

Just as bad habbits are easy to form, so are good ones.

You might also want to take milk thistle to line and to protect your liver from toxins.

I found my drinking creeping up recently – it wasn’t at all uncommon for Mrs nickf and I to share a bottle of wine every evening, plus I’d often have a beer. The Christmas period didn’t help – I love a decent malt, so I’d find I might be having one or two of them as well as all the above.

So I’ve stopped drinking completely during the week, and have cut back at the weekends, so that I’m now drinking a maximum of one bottle of wine (equivalent) per week. That’s ten units, which is entirely reasonable. For me, the key is to trade – if I have a beer, I don’t have a glass of wine. Plus, I’ve started to read the labels on beer!

From the OP

she doesn’t handle conflict at all well

😯

Might sound obvious, but don’t drink during the week?

Just because a bottle of whiskey is in front of you, you don’t have to drink it.

Choose squash / fruit juice instead.

Shows lack of self control, if anything.

she doesn’t handle conflict at all well

Let me qualify this by saying that we have found ourselves at odds in the past over things completely unrelated to consumption and she is not a communicator in the same way as I am. No fault of hers, she is just a bit soft and withdraws from disputes, no matter who has the grievance.

prefer blunt to wishywashy

Always.

at a HUGE risk of turning into your dad

To be fair I could do a lot worse than turn out like my dad, he gave up everything about 20 years ago and has worked as a support worker for people with drugs and alcohol problems ever since. He is now the straightest person I know. I have talked to him about my concerns in the past and he has expressed great relief that I do not exhibit the same behaviour patterns as he did. This doesn’t mean I don’t have issues but I have taken some solace from it in the past as he knows me better than anyone.

I think the solution to this is that we meet up and get slightly drunk round Phil’s

Agreed. Though, moderation in all things.

Shows lack of self control, if anything.

No shit.

i like the sound of your dad, if turning into him mean means giving up the drinking then its alllll gravy baby 😀

I think you can’t see the can’t see the forest from the trees (or whatever that saying is). That’s not a put down and very easily done when alcohol has been quite a large part of your life, in one way or another. You don’t have your old mans drinking problems. That’s great but it sounds like you have your own one.
If I had your drinking habit (I did once) I would be concerned. You don’t just judge the amount of units to how much physical damage you are doing. You don’t know. Guessing is a bit blinked and very risky. The fact that you have to drink regularly is a problem, if not to you it is a problem to your partner, possibly other family members and friends too. It will be a problem to you whether you are aware of it or not. A good tester is to go some time without a drink. Three weeks is a start. That’s long enough for the novelty to wear off, life’s problems to occur and possible boredom to settle in. Why not just give up? It is only booze, there is more to life than a cheap hit of alcohol.

i like the sound of your dad, if turning into him mean means giving up the drinking then its alllll gravy baby

My dad is a good chap, but I saw what happened to him when he hit rock bottom and have vowed to myself never to get to that stage. The problem I have with it is that he never cured the problem (now he is addicted to pudding), he just diverted his attention away from more destructive behavioural traits.

I have pursued a course of moderation from which I can stray. Anyway, as I said, no drinking on school nights and no binging on the weekends.

When we going for a ride then you old tart/s?

Sunday?

will double check with mrsconsequence that i haven’t been factored into plans i was unaware of for sat night into sunday. i reckon we could get her out on the bike as well which would give me an excuse to be slow and rubbish after a break from the bike 🙂

torm & yeti, FB message sent xx

If you’re now looking forward to the school holidays then it really is a problem 😯

I kind of agree with what roper said, for what it’s worth. It is difficult to look inwardly and make your own judgements. Thing is, unless we are unusually single-minded we all need a prop of some kind whether it be booze, fags, drugs, religion, exercise, eating, whatever. It’s controlling that need and not being excessive or dependant that is important. Acute pancreatitis is the end result of my own previous drinking habits and is an effective reminder to abstain! Good luck.

The Alcohol Problem.

Society deems it acceptable and often encourages the consumption, think of the word “celebration” and what activity comes to mind. Champagne? a few beers? a bottle or two of wine?

Its all considered to be socially acceptable, “oh he’s had a few” and other such jovial spurts.

For someone who uses alcohol to “switch off”, “cope” or “release” to actually opt out the socially acceptable convention, and all the pleasure & pain that comes with it, immediately causes feelings of disconnection from society, from joyous participation, feelings of self guilt, weakness, angst and isolation often occur.

A common approach taken to find a resolution is substitution, for example:

“I’ll find a new distraction”
“I’ll do a spot of DIY”
“I’ll do something creative”
“I’m going to improve myself through learning, I’ll read more”
“I’ll go to the gym more, I’ll get fitter”

But if you think that a substitution activity alone is going to do the trick, then you’re wrong.

You should give up drink, you have a problem with it, its not an easy thing to accept…

how could it be? after all, society says its fine to have a drink, why should you have a problem?

“down in one”

Alcohol is…

All drugs have their uses,

The Alcohol Drug is commonly used as a cleaning fluid or as a popular recreational drug.

It’s a drug, pure and simple, its up there with speed, coke, heroin, crack or meth.

It’s just regulated and taxed, and in many cases its considerably more harmful.
(you’ve probably seen this graph before?)

GLOSSARY
– Benzodiazepines: Wide-ranging class of prescription tranquilisers
– Buprenorphine: Opioid drug used in treatment of opiate addiction
– 4-MTA: Amphetamine derivative sold as ‘flatliners’ and ecstasy
– Methylphenidate: Amphetamine-like drug used to treat ADHD
– Alkyl nitrites: Stimulant often called amyl nitrites or ‘poppers’

So its more harmful than many other drugs, its actually up there with Heroin and the other really life fuxking drugs.

So what’s best?

Quit, just stop drinking… (yes, that simple)

It WILL be a torment,
you WILL crave it,
you WILL want it,
you WILL fancy “just one”

you WILL fail.

But failure is not final, it is very important to understand that.

[list]Don’t judge yourself on your failings, rather judge yourself upon your continued resolve.[/list]

Its a tired old saying but its true: one day at a time for the rest of your life.

Alcohol takes more than it ever gives, it destroys people, it destroys families, it destroys lives.
It’s only your choice, it is not an easy road to walk down, but you don’t walk it alone.

From personal experience:

I got booze out of my life at the start of this year, I’m very pleased with it.
It is hell, I want to drink, I could every day, why?
Because I am in love with the Alcohol drug.
But the Alcohol drug is a dysfunctional selfish lover;
A lover that I no longer wish to share my life with now or anymore.

So what’s it like?

Well being in a band means I am often in pubs, clubs, festivals, rehearsals, parties, etc and it was that aspect of my life that caused me to worry, it seemed like it would be so easy to fall off the wagon at any time. But as time has progressed, and the cost of booze has increased (to its now almost joy killing levels!) I’ve been pleasantly surprised at just how many people don’t actually drink booze when they are out, shitloads! Yes its still there, always there, “can I get you a drink” or worse still when someone puts a full, ice cold pint in front of you. But **** it, I don’t need booze, I don’t need a substitute, It just takes balls and faith in yourself, that you can be better sober than you were drunk.

Its easy to live inside drink, it makes everything easier to ignore.

But its far more rewarding to have a great life, with the same kind of fun, but sober.

And as for how to do it? here’s what I did:

Drank the house dry.
Quit drink.
Stayed in, watched a lot of DVD’s, smoked pot.
Read a lot more, I objectively learnt about Faith & Religion, enjoyed a few novels.
Fell of the wagon, the next day I got back on.
Wrote music, songs and prepared for up coming gigs
Worked every day, Threw myself into it.
Suffered 3 subjugated ribs & agonizing back pain.
Built a couple of websites.
Did a spot of decorating.
Trolled a few websites.
Rode my bike.
Helped a friend out with some graphic design work.
Went shopping.
Played on the xbox.
Cooked nice food. (buy those tiny wine bottles for cooking)
Drank lots of Becks Blue.
Had the odd smoke now and then.
Have not yet quit the cigarettes.

But one thing, one day, at a time.

I hope that helps, keep busy and keep at it. good luck, whatever you choose to do. 🙂

Sort of related, few weeks ago my an my partner had a bit of a fight, whinging on here about it and in the thread someone mentioned perhaps our lifestyle wasn’t the best. Well I took a step back and really looked at it all and I was definatley drinking too much. Cut right back now (and the fags) and feel loads better, and things are better with my gf too, we talk and stuff rather than hit the pubs and clubs. Its lovely if I’m honest. Saving loads of money as well!!

Why not try an old tested trick, buy something you need the drink cash for so you’ve a reason not to drink. By the time you’ve saved for your toy you’ll have hopefully distanced yourself enough to stay away if that’s what you want. I know someone who did this for smoking and got a loan and bought a speedboat with the cash he would have spent on smoking.

Not read the entire thread but why not give up for a bit?

If you think “I could, but I don’t need to” then ask yourself: why not just do it? until you give in.

What a very honest post and attempt at self-appraisal! The general opinion seems to be that you are drinking too much but to me you seem to have a remarkably mature attitude to alcohol.

I remember reading Fergal Keane’s autobiography in which he describes his first drink as a boy; he writes that it wasn’t a surprising experience, it was, in his words, more like “Hello old friend, why have I waited so long to discover you?” Can you remember your first drink?

I also had a pal who died from liver failure at about 48, he didn’t drink every day but when he did drink, he got slaughtered on beer and whiskey. He left a new wife and a son aged about four and a huge hole in the lives of very many people who knew and loved him; he was enormously charismatic and popular.

My advice would be to take medical advice and even consider making the break altogether, there are plenty of other ways of enjoying yourself. That can only happen when you reach the decision though.

I scared myself recently when I filled in one of those calorie / alcohol unit calculators in on the BBC website, after what I’d regarded as a pleasurable, but fairly moderate late afternoon & evening session – I certainly didn’t have a think head in the morning. Turns out I’d consumed roughly 18 units of alcohol and 1200 calories. Now I’ve known for a while that I should be drinking less, as I’m overweight, but this was a bit of a shock. The strange thing with me is that if I have a cup of tea when I get in from work, I can happily ignore alcohol. I’m going down the no drinking on a school night, more exercise, and moderate weekends route myself as I think I have a habit rather than a problem.

Best of luck to you.

I’ve had a dry January so far – after a Bacchanalian December. I’d recommend it to my fellow boozers looking to re-equilibrate their drinking. Agree that going completely off the ale is similarly compulsive behaviour to when you’re tanning it, but it does help to get some perspective IME.

The Government guidelines of 21 units per week or whatever it is were pulled out of someone’s anus. They have no scientific or medical currency whatsoever. The questions to ask yourself about alcohol posted upthread are a better framework for thinking about your consumption.

As above, knock it on the head for a few weeks followed by an honest appraisal as to whether you’re worrying about nothing or if there’s a substantive problem. Me, I haven’t had any booze for three years having had too much of a good thing. A few pains in the belly and pre-11am sips (OK as not on a work day 🙄 ) just to get myself going told me the game was up. The trick for stopping is to enjoy the initial high of not being poisoned and then to settle into the long straight (y’know, life!). The pub thing is still a bit weird and I haven’t found a useful way of explaining why I don’t drink, but I fumble through. That aside, booze is just of those things I don’t do anymore along with many other indulgences of years gone by and other phases of life. Importantly, it’s no biggy, I just don’t do it. I get my kicks riding instead.