Dennis Buses.
If you can imagine a kit car that's been designed and built by someone with absolutely no mechanical experience, that's what a Dennis bus is like underneath.

My commute and the thoughtless, selfish others who share it.

Binners – please let us have some more quotes. They're pure gold!

Papa_Lazarou – Member
…and then being forced to spend more time with these people that you do with your kids.

thanks for that man.
i sometimes get a bit neg about being a stay at home dad.
wanders of happily to make a brew.

the utter lack of a meritocracy in most businesses

and the kettle makes far too much noise

Current job, the only downside is the location (a drab suburb of Manchester).

Previous job, it was downside for around 2 years during which time we went through the financial crisis and recession. I was in such a bad mental state, I'd write more on here than I would say to colleagues for a week. And one mistake made in the last job has the possibility of ending my whole career. Great.

On the upside, I'll be a father tomorrow. Every cloud, etc. 😀

Binners. How long have you been in Manchester? Every day we see handfuls of badly blinged Range Rovers in the centre. Godawful things.

Don't bregudge how people made their money through drugs, crime or fraud.

Yesterday a lad in a sooped-up Merc AMG cut a corner in town and almost had me over his bonnet. I stopped and looked back (no hand movements- nothing). He slammed on, opened his door, put one foot out and said 'what? what? whats your problem? yeah you keep moving' (I was stationary) and I replied calmly 'its not me with the problem'. He immediately slammed his door and drove off.

I swear he was wearing Louis Vutton trainers?!! WTF.

The morbidly obese people I see on every morning commute with Greggs pasties and a bottle of cheap immitation red bull for breakfast. Makes me shudder.

Urgghh More money than Style?

TJ – (and before anybody jumps on the bandwagon, I most certainly am not having a go here) our current experiences of the private sector vs NHS are, oddly, completely opposite. I recently returned to the NHS after ten years working for various private sector companies, and at the moment feel totally disillusioned. What have the f***ers done to my NHS? My current unit appears to be mainly staffed by morons who cant do their job properly yet still believe they deserve a job for life, and managers who believe that everything in the garden's rosey because they have all the necessary paperwork in place, with all the right boxes ticked. I know I'm generalising here, but at the moment, it's really putting a hair across my a**e.

Reading this thread is one of them!

The morbidly obese people I see on every morning commute with Greggs pasties and a bottle of cheap immitation red bull for breakfast. Makes me shudder

Parents with child seats in the back of their car with their drivers window open an inch so that 'the smoke cant be inside the car' 😆

My commute that takes an hour driving or 55 mins cycling but has to be done in a car most of the time.
My boss who says (in his LondonDerry way) 1st thing tomorrow morining. when he means at some point in the future if I haven't forgotten which I probably will.
Customers not appreciating the hard work I put into fixing their bloody bikes that spent last 5 years in the garden and got properly rusty.
No Jaffa Cakes brought by punters ever!!!!!!!!
Pay? What pay? You mean the pay-lookalike I get weekly?

Parents with child seats in the back of their car with their drivers window open an inch so that 'the smoke cant be inside the car'

Oh that really boils my piss. Selfish bastards who don't deserve children.

Being called a c*** and knowing that the kids is one of the HT experiments and isn't being challenged enough, that's why he is in top set.

Next one is harsh – having a kid with Severe Learning Difficulties in my main stream nurture group class because he has integrated and made friends well at school and now we can't get rid of him.
Doesn't matter that he is now in year 9 and yet is still learning sub KS2 has made no progress in any subjects since arriving, other than learning his last name and being able to write it. Has OCD, autism, memory problems and is currently starting to show signs of teenagness.

I know. If you ever sit in a smokers car whilst they are smoking with the window down….all you can smell is the cloying smoke as it escapes from their mouth, drawn-on inside the car and sucked back in FFS

Sitting in a meeting with clients trying to explain an approach where one of the clients knows exactly what you're getting at, but his two more senior colleagues keep banging on about their own non-sensical ideas.

Anyone who smokes in front of their children in a car or whilst pushing them in a pram, or at home indoors needs their **** fingers cutting off! (NB I used to smoke, but NEVER in the same airspace or within sight of them)

My last performance review. Boss started by saying "this is just a box-ticking exercise for me, these things are a complete waste of time, I just mark everyone in the middle". Wouldn't mind so much if my salary review didn't depend on the results..

Great thread, cheered up my lunchtime no end.

mediocrity

The fact that the aircon in the office seems to be on a 2 day lag so if its hot on monday we are hot as the aircon doesn't go up, then if it cools down by wednesday we freeze as the aircon is now in full flow in response to mondays hot weather.

The tea from the machine is frothy and tastes of coffee, we call it the Cuppateano.

Everyone else in the office being either lazy or incompetent.

In that order

3 months at a time away from my 15 month old boy. Skype and a webcam is good but not the same. Still it's nice to spend a whole month with him at a time with no distractions when I'm home.

sssimon – Member
mediocrity

Ah, so your one of the girls who has slept with me?

BT, in general.

I had a conversation with a solicitor recently, she couldn't understand why our mail forwarding service didn't include postage costs, for next day, international, signed for deliveries, daily, for £25 per month. When I politely suggested that this might not be a profitable piece of business for us she tried to argue that our website was misleading.

Anything that involves "going forward".

Cold calling and the tactics they use to extract contact details or to get put through. We had somebody call up from the states recently who assured the receptionist that she had "just been speaking" to my grandfather. I strung that one along for a while before breaking the news that grandad has been dead for 3 years.

I refuse to let you make me think about my job whilst I'm 'at work'.

hora – Member

sssimon – Member
mediocrity

Ah, so your one of the girls who has slept with me?

slept with you? I was just talking about your chat up lines and general presentation

Joke lost on you there sssimon 😉 !!!

(I was referring to me being mediocre)

The fact you can sweat blood to make stuff happen, only for no-one to notice.

The fact everything must be legally agreed and double failsave, only for no-one to have any balls for a fight when we're let down.

The way I'm expected to constantly make up for the shortfalls in the mish mash of systems we run, the delivered system never matches up to what was promised, nothing integrates properly, work-arounds become established protocol and nobody ever gets held to account, so its all our fault nothing weorks properly. Practical obvious suggestions to improve workflows get ignored.

Any flash of inspiration or insight gets punished by being made into a millstone to wear round your neck.

my boss just winds me up…

This morning I was at home since the contract I was working on has expired.

My phone rings
"Why aren't you with the client?"
"Contracts finished"
"Aren't you onsite?"
"The contract has finished"
"But you should still be there"
"Why?"
"They've renewed the contract for another 6 months. I thought you knew?"

sigh……

Joke lost on you there sssimon !!!

(I was referring to me being mediocre)

think I got yours but mine went right over your head, I was implying that you're so mediocre I doubt you'd get anyone to sleep with you………

the fact that i work in an office of supposed engineers and professionals who are in charge of spending 100's of millions of public money and yet we have a coffee kettle and a tea kettle!!!!

WTF people its all water!!

Continuous half-witted office innuendo.

Makes me wish I had some hand grenades to spare.

Continuous half-witted office innuendo.

Makes me wish I had some hand grenades to spare

Hahaha you wouldn't like our toilet jokes revolving around our office toilets then 😉

Woody – Member
Calls to 'emergencies' with details…..

Patient has been drinking
Fight in progress
Police travelling
Patient not breathing
Overdose
Cut finger/toothache/diarrhoea
major blood loss PR or PV
Contractions <1min apart

and at 4am last Sunday…. patient (female 22) has vomiitted – been drinking heavily but has never vomitted before after a night out !!

What's that book by some paramedic from London Ambulance, "Tea, sympathy & A&E"?

I was most offended when he said he hates the kind of call stating "40yo male, first seizure", seeing as when I was reading the book I was in hospital recovering after 60 minutes of fitting(!), and it had been my first episode seizure as well!

Sorry, I should have put that in quotes: "A heart that's full up like a landfill, a job that slowly kills you, bruises that wont heal." – No Surprises, Radiohead.

Woody, I can't believe everywhere is as dire as where I'm based, and that every para deals with the same dross that I do, therefore, I conclude that you are infect me.

Where did we leave my phone charger?

Being paid half what every one else is in my office as my predecesor was a retard so when the job assesment people visited they thought the job basically involved chewing your tongue and staring at the ceiling.

Now I have turned the job around and got national recognition for my work and every time I address a conference I just want to plead from the podium for someone to offer me a job and pay me good money. Every time I've dropped a hint people say "oh we couldn't afford someone like you"- Yes you can, I assure you!!

Half the office play kiss chase all day and I get treated like the outside for taking my job seriously. Although a lot of the real freeloaders got made redundant the other month.

What make my spirit sink,

My Nutty Sister!
Being put on hold!
Idiots who take your order, then don't order it 👿
Unsolicited sales calls!
Indian call centres!
Time it takes for cheques to clear!
premenstrual women!
Lawnmowers breaking down!
Doing Accounts 🙁
Litter!
Dog Poo!
Cat Poo!

Anything out of the ordinary mid week – tyre fires, fights, snow, rain, lightning, practicals going wrong, someone calling another students mum a lesbian then chinning each other.

Unless of course I don't have any classes in the afternoon then it's great.

Constant threat of redundancy!

si_progressivebikes – Member

"Bureaucratic nonsense like this is far more prevalent in the private sector."

Becuase of all the crap that successive governments have imposed on them due to H&S etc and the fact that they are worried about the claim culture?

Sort of. Almost none of it is mandatory but its all about box ticking and giving a good impression – its also " bright idea of the week" from regional management.

I was once told to write down everything that residents who didn't finish their meals ate. Not for a few days to see a pattern but for ever. No one would ever look at this data, it took time I could have spent making sure they had enough to eat. Just wasting my time and I was threatened with disciplinary for not doing it.

Barnslymitch – I think it all depends where you work but the nursing home I work in part time is a bureaucratic nightmare – far far worse than the NHS units I also work in.

If the staff nurse did all the paper nonsense they are supposed to do it would occupy their entire time. No time to see a patient.