Three nights ago – I come in, about half-past eleven at night, we’d been having a couple of drinks I remember – and I come in, I get into bed, you see, feeling quite sleepy, I could feel the lids of me eyes beginning to droop – a bit of the droop in the eyes – I was just about to drop off, when suddenly, ‘tap, tap, tap’ at the bloody window pane – I looked out – you know who it was?
Bloody Lily Allen! Bloody Lily Allen – stark naked save for a shortie nightie. She was hanging on to the window sill, and I could see her knuckles all white … saying STW, STW …’ you know how these bloody lefties go on – I said ‘Get out of it!’ – bloody Lily Allen. She wouldn’t go – she wouldn’t go, I had to smash her down with a broomstick, poke her off the window sill, she fell down on the pavement with a great crash …
She just had a nightie on, is that all?
That’s all she had on, just a …
See-through?
A see-through, shortie nightie. Nothing else – except for her dark glasses of course. Dreadful business. Why won’t she give us some peace?