Marital advice from an aquaintance;

"Tek some Viagra then shag 'er til she's shaking like a shittin' dog."

Even typing it makes me laugh..

if you think education is expensive try ignorance
Edward Bok

his name writes a cheque his face cant cash
Sue Perkins [iirc] on Lord Adonis

You never see a positive drug story on the news. They always have the same LSD story. You've all seen it: "Today a young man on acid…thought he could fly…jumped out of a building…what a tragedy!" What a dick. He's an idiot. If he thought he could fly why didn't he take off from the ground first? Check it out? You don't see geese lined up to catch elevators to fly south; they fly from the **** ground. He's an idiot. He's dead. Good! We lost a moron? **** celebrate. There's one less moron in the world.
Wouldn't you like to see a positive LSD story on the news? To base your decision on information rather than scare tactics and superstition?, perhaps? Wouldn't that be interesting? Just for once?
"Today, a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration – that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There's no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we're the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather
Bill Hicks

She's built like a steakhouse, but she handles like a bistro.

We love Bill.

“I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your ****' mouth.” Bill Hicks. A tragedy that he died when he was at his best.

"If it takes ten to kill you, I'll take nine" – Tom Simpson

“The highest result of education is tolerance.”
Helen Keller

We fear our highest possibilities. We are generally afraid to become that which we can
glimpse in our most perfect moments, under the most perfect conditions, under conditions
of greatest courage. We enjoy and even thrill to the godlike possibilities we see in ourselves
in such peak moments. And yet we simultaneously shiver with weakness, awe, and fear
before these very same possibilities.

Abraham Maslow

Take a coat when it's fine,please your self if it's raining.
And:
Two of the most important things in life are respect and manners.They are both free to.
Dad r.i.p

"Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time" or something like that.

"Va te faire enculer sale fils de pute", Monsieur Anelka.

"All our great men are dead. Infact, I'm not feeling too well myself." Punch magazine late nineteenth century.

I'm not religious but "do unto others as you would have done unto you" seems like good advice.

"Question everything…. even me" Buddha

"Why didn't you put the bunny back in the box?" Cameron Poe

"If you always do what you have always done – You will always get what you have always got"

The mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye. The more light you shine upon it the more it will contract. Oliver Wendell Holmes (American Judge)

I think therefore I am- Descartes
That which does not kill us only makes us stronger. Mao T'se Tung

How much?! You could buy a car for that!!!- SO many people.

Plan for the worst, hope for the best.

"Life is not what it's supposed to be. Its what it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.”

Virginia Satir

She who succeeds in gaining the mastery of the bicycle will gain the mastery of life.

and

I finally concluded that all failure was from a wobbling will rather than a wobbling wheel.

– Frances E. Willard, How I Learned To Ride The Bicycle, 1895

Sincerity is everything – if you can fake that you've got it made

Groucho Marx

Nancy Astor: “Sir, if you were my husband, I would give you poison.”
Churchill: “If I were your husband I would take it.”

“When the spirits are low, when the day appears dark, when work becomes monotonous, when hope hardly seems worth having, just mount a bicycle and go out for a spin down the road, without thought on anything but the ride you are taking.”

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

“When I see an adult on a bicycle, I do not despair for the future of the human race.”
H.G. Wells

"Fear is no philosophy for living." Klaus Von Hammerstein.

If it's empty – fill it.
If it's full – empty it.

'if you can't cut it in half with a hammer and bolster, i don't want to know'

"What avail are forty freedoms without a blank spot on the map?"

I am glad I will not be young in a future without wilderness.

Aldo 'F**king' Leopold

“Spend the afternoon. You can't take it with you.”

Annie Dillard

"It has always seemed strange to me…The things we admire in men, kindness and generosity, openness, honesty, understanding and feeling, are the concomitants of failure in our system. And those traits we detest, sharpness, greed, acquisitiveness, meanness, egotism and self-interest, are the traits of success. And while men admire the quality of the first they love the produce of the second."

John Steinbeck

Sent my mate a load of Bill Hicks dialogue when he was in prison in Thailand, he said they helped 🙂 Took me bloody ages to remove the drug references tho 😉

"I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass…and I'm all out of bubblegum." – Roddy piper.

And another favourite movie quote….

"Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war… our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off. " – Tyler Durden.

Behind every good man

Is a woman rolling her eyes

dunno who by guess it was the wife

The world's got too many moving parts and not enough labels.

Mona Monalisa Overdrive

"never drink in a pub with plastic windows"

"If you are going to piss on your own bonfire, make sure you've got somebody else's shoes on"

my Dad, giving me advice upon me coming of age.

"Never trust a dog with orange eyebrows."

Terry Pratchett.

You are a maggot so try not to think that you are a butterfly.

😆

Back in my parachuting days, there was a sign up at the dropzone with a quote, I don't know who it's attributed to though.

Take not thine altitude in vain, for the ground shall rise up and smite thee.

Sage advice, I always thought.

Heard this on the radio this morning too, a lovely one, from one of the popes, relevant to fathers day.

One chap apparently heard his son praying one night. His son said..
"Dear Lord, please help me to become the man my father is."

To which the chap went to bed and his prayer went…
"Dear Lord, please help me to become the man my son thinks I am."

here we go

“There is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather”

John Ruskin 1819-1900 quoted by Lord Avebury

"They can conquer who believe they can"
Virgil (70 BC – 19 BC)

"Courage is being scared to death – but saddling up anyway"
John Wayne

"This I do know beyond any reasonable doubt. Regardless of what you are doing, if you pump long enough, hard enough and enthusiastically enough, sooner or later the effort will bring forth the reward"

Zig Ziglar

Two of my favourites:

"It is not every one," said Elinor, "who has your passion for dead leaves."
-from Sense & Sensibility, by Jane Austen
…
"Everytime I read Jane Austen, I want to dig up her bones and hit her in the head with her own femur"
-Mark Twain

"Never eat more than you can lift" Miss Piggy

From The Thing

"I dunno what the hell's in there, but it's weird and pissed off, whatever it is"