slightly different to your situation in that kids and property are involved in my case

but we agreed a financial (and childcare) agreement between us – and got a “Deed Of Sepration” (which outlines what we have agreed) drawn up for a couple of hundred quid.

When two years have passed I intyend to attempt a DIY divorce. I understand the cruical part is getting a document which ties up all the financial stuff completely – and leaves no room for eigher party to come back and ask for more after the divorce. I won’t consider myslef divorced until this has happened.

I went to see a regular solicitor first – who advised divorce on grounds of unreasonable behaviour. TBH her attitude terrified me – I just saw a long future of stress, fighting, upset children and huge amounts of money going to solicitors.

I decided to just suck it up – make her a (probably way over) generous offer (so she wouldn’t have to sell the house, and the kids wouldn’t be disrupted too much), and move on. Its only money after all, and my kids and my happiness are worth more than that.

If after talking to her though – if she won’t get rid of her lawyer, you have no choice but to get your own

OP of course we dont know both sides of the story (thats not an accusation in any form) but from the situation you come across as having stood by your partner for richer, for poorer and in circumstances where others would have let the relationship detoriate upto 5yrs ago as a convenient way out.

Hold your head high, keep it amicable and move on. Someone new out there will benefit from having you around with them one day.

It does read patronising but no intent to sound that way at all.