Piss off Gatsby, there’s no bloody need for the crap that you’re coming out with. If you’ve got something constructive to say, say it, but otherwise stop just insulting the OP for the sake of it. He’s trying to understand stuff in what must be a bloody hard time for him and his family, I don’t think he deserves your bollocks. Have a bit of tact.

Once a troll, always a troll.

Generally the vast majority of the kids my wife deals with are a product of their past to some degree. Some of it abusive, some of it not. Some kids are susceptible to peer pressure and such likes and as such get led down the wrong path finding it difficult to find the right path again. Some kids learn at a very early age to be what they see as self reliant. They have learnt through experience that adults cannot be trusted and as a result lack the life skills to integrate. They get introduced to a system that is hard and can very easily seem uncaring and they become a product of that.
Unfortunately the adolescent brain is an unpredictable beast. The chemistry that goes on in there leads them to make choices that most rounded adults would never make. Kids in the system of youth offending seriously struggle to get out of the cycle that got them there simply because what they’re surrounded by bares more resemblance to the trouble that got them there than the corrective influences that would help turn them around.

Thanks mods for acting.

It can see both sides of the fluffy bunny hugging and lock them up arguments. The best way forwards is probably neither option. There has to be a constructive way of showing the OP’s lad that his behaviour was not acceptable and that there is a better way of doing things. Whether that involves kicking his arse either literally or metaphorically is another matter.

To be fair to Gatsby, the OP’s lad sounds like a proper **** who needs his arse kicked. Someone likened the situation to pack activity – the thing with that is that on the way to becoming the alpha male, a few arse kickings have to be endured along the way.

Good luck to the OP.

gatsby – Member

Can anyone point me in the direction of a decent, law-abiding adult; a fine, upstanding member of society, who, as a youth, held a parent at knifepoint and threatened to slice their face off?

The reason I ask, is that I can name several people who did similar things as youths, who all ended up committing further offenses as adults. And I can name 2 off the top of my head that died before they got to their mid twenties.

They were all good lads though

My initial suggestion of sitting down to have a good chat is based on the societal norm in the UK.

In the far east we would beat the son/daughter senseless into total submission if s/he pull a knife on the parents. It is a very serious offense if children threaten to harm the parents. The society is based on respecting of the elders and no matter how serious the argument no children should threaten the parents that way. S/he would be cast out from the family if s/he does not change as we considered them damage goods.

OP, you’re between a rock and a hard place.

Whatever you do will be painful.

Prime consideration should be the effect of all this on the younger kids. In a similar situation I banished my eldest son. Gave him a grand and told him to eff off and not come back until he’d become an adult human.

My missus was all bleeding heart and still niggles me about it.

Son eventually after a year or two, finally realised he was in charge of his own life. Now has 2 degrees plus a masters degree and makes a hefty income.

It could have gone the other way of course, but I figured the prospect of extreme violence in the home was reasonably high, and the risk of psychological damage to the younger ones was certain, so it was a chance we had to take.

If the OP is convinced that his son has reached a turning point because of what has already happened since the event then I can understand the doubts he now has about pursuing a prosecution. A number of posters have offered sage advice about attempting to get the case dropped and if he has no previous convictions then I think the effect of the OP & authorities actions so far is probably going to be of far more value than a prosecution (and more importantly, a criminal record.)

As the charge was common assault as opposed to the more serious alternatives, then the OP as victim has a say in what is proposed. It is common for a victim of violence, particularly in a domestic setting, to retract their statement and say they no longer wish to support a prosecution. It does not mean that the case will fail but it will be considered. A lot will depend upon whether the son has admitted what happened when interviewed but given this is the first time that the OP has reported such a thing and there is no previous history to warrant a victimless prosecution, then there is a chance that the CPS, if informed by police/defence, will not proceed.
It also depends on whether the son has already entered a plea.

Some kids change and sometimes all it needs is a wake up call, others don’t and it is the OP that needs to make that judgement. He also has to weigh up how he will feel if his son does get convicted and receives a custodial sentence (unlikely but due to the aggravating aspect of the knife, not impossible.)

Hope it all works out for you.

Magistrates are usually old enough to have had kids and lived through all this.

[/quote]
As an aside, one of the big problems with magistrates in England and Wales is that they’re all “of a type” – old white Tory men.

magistrates are becoming less diverse – certainly older and less representative of black and minority ethnic groups, possibly more middle class and more heterosexual. This trend, unless reversed, threatens the support they currently enjoy and the very purpose of having a lay magistracy – judgement by peers.

http://www.no-offence.org/pdfs/58.pdf

If you think you would have a clue about the right thing to do with the OP’s family member, then perhaps you ought to be volunteering as a magistrate or (in Scotland) a civilian Children’s Panel member.
https://www.gov.uk/become-magistrate/what-magistrates-do
https://www.childrenspanelscotland.org/how-can-you-help/

Feel for the OP. No advice as tbh I don’t think there is ever a right or wrong answer to this. I bet there are thousands of cases like this where parents have gone either softly softly or cut them out of their lives. Does anyone really win?

Best of luck to you and hope your son gets the help required

As said above. There really is some sage advice in this thread and I’d like to thank all who have answered and an especially big thanks for those in the know that have taken time out to contact me directly. On the whole I think Singletrack forum members are a massive caring family..

Yep, good luck Tymbian, hope it pans out ok no matter what you decide to do. 😉

On the whole I think Singletrack forum members are a massive caring family..

I’ve not replied earlier as I have nothing concrete to offer, but I definitely wish you the best with this.

Ask your son to read this thread. That may help his appreciation of the situation he has created and how it is affecting you and his Mum.

Best of luck