I will try and keep this short…

This weekend my partner and I decided that it was time for his two girls (aged 8 and 10.5) to make their first solo journey to the village shop (about 0.25 mile away). It had been discussed with the girls mum a couple of weeks prior, who at the time agreed, so Sunday was ‘the day’ and away they went.

All was good, magazines and sweets purchased, girls happy… great… except that their mum has now raised two issues about the trip.

1. The route they took was partly along a disused railway line which is now an open multi use cycle path which runs through the village. It is used by cyclists, walkers, runners etc and leads along to the next village. Was this the right way to send them? The alternative involves crossing a relatively fast B road and then walking along the village high street – a busy A road (with pavements) and 30mph restricted.
Which way would you send your kids? Cycle path or roadside (we live in a very middle class rural village in central Scotland).

2. More fundamentally – are they old enough to be doing this? They loved it, are two bright and sensible girls with good road sense. They carried a mobile phone and rang home twice during the 20 minute outing. Are they too young to be allowed such responsibility, even though they seem ready for it?

I suspect that ‘mum’ is annoyed that she didn’t initiate the trip, but we have to listen to what she says, and it has made us question the two points above… what are your thoughts?

I’m not sure as I understand the question. Is this an “inflated fear of nonces” issue?

Granted, I’m a boy, but I’m reasonably sure that by the time I was ten I was playing out unsupervised for, oh, hours on end, and I didn’t have the means of ringing home every ten minutes. I managed to get through my childhood without being interfered with by a dodgy old man in a track suit, and I’m reasonably sure they will too.

They loved it, are two bright and sensible girls with good road sense. They carried a mobile phone

This is the important bit, if you think they’re ready, they think they’re ready then they’re ready!!!

RE: Route choice: Have a chat to them about it, get them to think about the relative risks and figure out which is the better option.

Edited to add: Forgot to say, age is pretty much irrelevant. There are 18 year olds who shouldn’t be allowed out unsupervised and 8 yhear olds who could easily cope alone. No arbitary limit is required.

Cycle path would be my choice, with the girls knowing that they can’t solely rely on other path users seeing them, they need to be aware of their own surroundings (including approaching cyclists, etc) as well.

Especially given that thy are walking together, I think that they are old enough. Did the phone calls come at specific points, ie ‘call when you get to the old tree 3/4 of the way there’, or as and when they remembered or felt they should? I’d suggest having calling points might be a nice way of tracking progress?

It all sounds good to me, but can also understand it may take mum a bit of time to catch up with where you’re at. Play that one softly.

@ Cougar – I’m not sure. ‘Angry dogs’ were mentioned (although we have two dogs and the girls know how to deflect and over exuberant greeting), also mentioned was the fact that if anything did ‘go wrong’ there weren’t so many passers by to see.

@ Markie – Yes that makes sense (awareness and calls), and we will try and progress softly. Thank you.

I think having a general chat about all dangers may be the way forward.

Any alternative views are welcomed…

1.
Route couldn’t be better. Traffic kills.

2.
It’s your call, but it doesn’t sound unreasonable.

Just wondering… what “magazines” did they buy? If Take-A-Break, Nuts or Hello maybe you should have a word.

If they enjoyed themselves and got back safely then well done.

Was having a similar conversation just this week. I know it’s not the good old days, but as per Cougar we were out for the whole day from the age of about 8 (or maybe younger). At the age of 10 a friend and I took the train from North East Kent into that there London to collect my step dads passport from what was Petit France. We were gone the entire day and explored what felt like the whole of London without any issues at all.

Kids need freedom to explore and find their way in the world. While I can understand the mothers thoughts I don’t agree with them and think it’s probably an over reaction.

As the father of 2 slightly younger kids (8 & 5), sounds to me like you’ve got it about spot on. That route choice of yours sounds perfect to me, out of the 2 options. Can’t see an issue.

Kids need to be independent, and in my experience they desperately want to be. I’m happy to let my girls go running around on their own in the woods behind our house. Its the adults who IMHO build up potential problems where none actually exist. You just need to apply a bit of common sense. Avoiding the frankly stupid tabloid paranoia. Which you have obviously done!

My 9 year old effectively has the run of the village when he is out with his mates. He is very sensible, but only rules are:

Keep away from the main road

Be back by x o’clock

Who are with?

He doesn’t have a phone either.

NB I have drilled into him thatbetween us,teachers, grandparents, cub leaders and other parents, if he does something stupid I will find out and there will be consequences

I’d have donned a golden tracksuit, popped a cigar in my mouth, and jumped out on them about halfway from civilisation.
If they succumbed to the offer of free sweeties and puppies, you know they’re not ready.
If a swift kick in the goolies was delivered – job done, and from now on they can do the weekly Asda shop….

DrP

I think you did well…

I guess the fear on the railway route choice is that its hidden away so is there a Jamie Bulger fear or Jimmy Saville fear. As others have said, as long as you’ve had the chat about such dangers and they understand then I think you’ve done all you can. Personally this is emminently better than a busy road. the risk is greater there, car kill way more than dodgy blokes/kids ever will.

Disclaimer: My kids are still very young so dunno how I’ll react when it comes time for them to go out alone but….

Hmmm, the mother seems over sensitive but the whole post and specifically this line

They carried a mobile phone and rang home twice during the 20 minute outing

makes me fear for us as a nation. Statistically there’s probably more chance of the kids getting injured in an RTC when you’re driving them somewhere. I’m pretty sure this much worry/caution is widespread too not just your family. As per cougar pretty sure at that age I was buggering off for hours on end, ostensibly staying within the 2 (quiet residential) street radius set by my parents but most likely miles away.

First off well done.

I think I would have gone with route option 2 as most kids are sensible at crossing roads. My idea of a cycle path is that it is hidden out of the way and more sinister things could happen. however that is how I am visualising it.

Are they old enough, well I used to walk to school on my own and back when I was 7. Probably a good 30min each way and that was in the time of all the government adverts about strangers. So was it actually more dangerous then? In my mind maybe it was or why the adverts then and not now!

Do we over think things now compared to years ago when kids were booted out at an early age? I think we do, but with a 2 yr old girl I’ll probably be thinking like you in 8 years.

Is Finland or Denmark any more dangerous than the UK? They let babies sleep outside cafes, see link. Can you ever imagine this happening in the UK. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-21537988

Personally I think we have become a nation of worriers and neurotics regarding child safety. Its now engrained and very hard to break out of. Not criticising as I find myself thinking like this even though I believe it is the wrong attitude as we have a nation of young people who have little common sense.

at that age I was buggering off for hours on end

Church School?

🙂 bad choice of words, I had a trauma free childhood, altho plenty of (minor) trips to A&E

This sort of thing is as much a right of passage for the parents as well as the children.
Having to contend with variables beyond your control is a very real concern.
The children need to be trustworthy to be able to undertake the exercise, but equally they NEED this sort of exercise to help them grow. By trusting them and empowering them you are helping them grow and develop.
Its very easy to allow media fuelled paranoia to override your “yes it will be fine” gut feeling.
Only you will know if they are ready.

I suspect that ‘mum’ is annoyed that she didn’t initiate the trip

Here is the answer to your doubts, you’ve removed some control from here. Bitter exes hate stuff like this.

Just ignore her.

Tough ine tbh

the problem is we keep outr kid sin too long
I grew up in awee village in scotland and was out with the other wains by age 4 – then again everyone knew everyone
These days i get palpatations when my kids go round the back of th ehouses on the cycle hom eand they are out of sight for way less than a minute

In essence the fear i sjust that fear but knowing this has not made it go away

I think you were sensible and took precaustions its all letting go from now on

PS more kids [ and adults] are harmed [ abuse physcial or sexual] by someone they know in their own home than out on the streets so it is not more dangerous out there we just think it is.

I think mine should walk to school but ex disagrees – no roads to cross excep[t at apelican crossing and that has a crossing patrol person anway. I was never taken to school by an adult ever

We rode the coast to go fishing at age 10ish. Big adventure with it being six or so miles away, normally we would just walk a mile or two to our normal spots on the river.

Dad of the 2 kids here: The phone calls were not requested by us in anyway and were in order to ask 2 questions – 1 where was the geocache exactly; that was along the route and 2 “do I have to spend the whole £5 in the shop…”

This sort of thing is as much a right of passage for the parents as well as the children.

this. it’s about perceived risk and letting go. It’s very difficult having spent 10 years trainign yourself to protect them and now you’re letting them go into ‘danger’ unaccompanied.

I followed our kids the first time they were each allowed out on their own to the shops.

Just to make sure they crossed roads safely and to give me peace of mind.

they were fine.

when I was 7 me and a few friends were walking to the chip shop in the next village (2 miles away). A naughty man waved his willy at us so we threw stones and chased him until he got in a car and sped off. Then we got chips.

if the kids seem old enough and responsible enough they probably are. Thats not to say bad things wont happen, but they most likely wont. Disused railway can be seen as an isolated haven of perverts, thieves and drug users, it can also be seen as a quiet, car free haven of birds, animals and plant life.

Accidents may happen, but TBH they are most likely to happen at home.

+1 for wwaswas. I did that too – my youngest is 10. Followed her and her friend on their first walk into town (1 mile walk along quiet-ish B roads) to check they were OK with crossing roads etc.

That went OK so she’s just done her first walk into town (with friend) on their own; they spent about an hour milling around on their own and came back together all fine. She’s absolutely chuffed to bits.

I reckon your instincts about it are fine. And +1 for peyote – have a talk with them about the different routes so they can figure out and assess risks for themselves.

Thanks for all the replies, is reassuring that we aren’t way out with letting them go, but also good to hear the other views.

Mum has specifically asked us to ‘ban’ them from using the cycle path, which puts us in a difficult situation. We don’t want to make them feel that they either did a bad or wrong thing by going that way first time (we asked them to go that way), and we don’t want to instil a general fear of quiet places.

I think the points made above about ‘explaining all the risks’ are very valid and although we have done this many times before, we can do it again specifically in relation to the route choices. We can also let them know which mum would prefer.

Sometimes this (step) parenet thing feels like a proper guessing game!

Surely ‘banning’ them from somewhere like that, would send out the completely wrong message? Not only that its unsafe (which it isn’t, by the sounds of it), but that also they should feel bad for wanting their independence. Which is patent nonsense

I’d tell her that on this one its your call. And for her own benefit she should stop reading alarmist tabloid tripe, and keep her paranoia in check

I think you need to explain the risks. And I’m not talking about ‘to the kids’.

So was it actually more dangerous then? In my mind maybe it was or why the adverts then and not now!

Thing is, the streets / countryside are no more dangerous than they were twenty years ago; if anything, the opposite is true I’d hazard. However, we are so much better at reporting incidents now than we ever were; allegations are more likely to be taken seriously, and we’ve got the tabloid gutter press gleefully running “paedogeddon” headlines every five minutes. The threat hasn’t changed, but the perceived threat has massively increased.

IMHO, etc.

I’m not sure how worried I would be in your situation, but I’d go the traffic route. Safer imo. Traffic is fairly predictable, and road sense isn’t that complicated. If by 10 they can’t be trusted not to fling themselves into traffic without looking then you’ve got other problems with risk management generally!

Sounds fine, mine have been going to the local shop since they were 7. And if you think the cycle path is safer with less traffic, tell mum to stuff it. I’d be far more worried about cars than any hypothetical paedophile.