So, it was our twins first ever nativity play this week – apparently they did well on Tuesday (just other children watching) but we went yesterday and when one of our girls spotted us (right at the beginning) she just broke down in tears and came to us – this made the other one upset too, but she did *most* of the play (just wanted to get the same attention as the other one). They did both go on stage to say their lines (not that you could hear them) and very briefly did join in for one other part. But out of 30 minutes, she was on stage for about 1 minute.

Now I know we can’t put pressure on her but at home she is the real showgirl and loves dancing, making us laugh, writes her own shows etc.

So we were just really disappointed that it was her (out of two reception classes of children – around 50 kids) that reacted like that.

So – any tips on building her confidence or do we accept that we don’t make her feel pressured about these things and if she doesn’t want to do it, she doesn’t do it? (We did try very gentle encouragement yesterday but didn’t press it).

And I was painfully shy as a kid so I can see why she is like this – especially as she is exhausted after a long first ever term at school and is being very clingy.

Ohh, and it’s the final performance today and she has been saying that she doesn’t want to do it…

Some times I need a wee whisky for courage. Use this information as you will.

Ohh, and it’s the final performance today and she has been saying that she doesn’t want to do it…

Tell her how good she was. Encourage. Praise. Make it fun.
Cause, you know, that’s all it is – fun. 🙂

I don’t have kids but I’ve got a dog who’s about that age and he’ll do anything for a biscuit. So, there’s that too.

Now I know we can’t put pressure on her but at home she is the real showgirl and loves dancing, making us laugh, writes her own shows etc.

So we were just really disappointed that it was her (out of two reception classes of children – around 50 kids) that reacted like that.

Inadvertent pressure on them beforehand? Telling them that they’re going to be great, etc? One innocuous comment can set all sorts of thoughts going in their heads.

As suggested, just tell them that they were good and leave it at that.

When we got home last night, we didn’t make anything of the (non)performance – we just said we loved seeing them do it and that they were really good doing their lines.

Inadvertent pressure on them beforehand? Telling them that they’re going to be great, etc? One innocuous comment can set all sorts of thoughts going in their heads.

We did say we were looking forward to seeing them, but I don’t think we put pressure on them – they were really excited that we were coming to see them and kept asking us to make sure we were definitely going.

tell her Santa won’t visit her, just her sister, if she doesn’t go ahead and do it.

🙂

As an aside, there was a school production at my wife’s school yesterday. As it was about to start some kid stood up and said “Wait! Stop! We can’t start, my Mum’s not here yet!”. He was quite put out when it was pointed out that his Mum was coming to do today’s performance and didn’t really give his performance as the innkeeper his all;

“Yes, we’ve got plenty of room, come in”.

My 6 yr old son just held his cock the whole way through, like the previous two years. It’s the nursery one this afternoon so we’ll see if the 3 yr old maintains the tradition.

What I’m saying is, it could be worse.

What I’m saying is, it could be worse.

You mean he might not just be holding it he could be full on bashing one out over mary’s glory hole?

😆 @thegreatape

My youngest did much the same, he was red hot in his shepherds outfit so he spent much (well, all of!) the performance either scratching or trying to take his clothes off. His older brother did a little better, he did a bit of singing but then spent most of the rest of the performance pulling faces at me 🙂

I wouldn’t worry about it OP, gentle encouragement is the only way really. You can’t force them, that would only make it worse. What about some kind of kiddies am-dram club?

Well that escalated quickly

Just make sure you keep encouraging her. You wouldn’t want her to miss an opportunity to shine:

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihQuiyV-lXU[/video]

greatape LOL

What about some kind of kiddies am-dram club?

Hmm, not sure I want her to be pushed into something like that as such – that would feel a bit like too much direct pressure.

6 yrs old, not 16

Ohh, and it’s the final performance today and she has been saying that she doesn’t want to do it…

Tell her she doesn’t have to and don’t worry about it at all. Just cuddle her as her sister is on stage.

There are far too many pushy parents (I’m not saying you aren’t 😉 ) who want to shine through their offspring.

I am certainly not pushy (I know how shy I was) but just want to know if there is another way of encouraging her in a positive way. I’m new at this shit.

One of the angels at my son’s play this year tried to strangle himself with his halo (which was made of tinsel). Luckily a teacher spotted it…

Tell her how good she was. Encourage. Praise. Make it fun.

+1. Nativity plays are supposed to be full of wailing, silent actors, urinary incontinence and all kinds of rubbishness. It’s part of the charm.

Nativity plays are supposed to be full of wailing, silent actors, urinary incontinence and all kinds of rubbishness. It’s part of the charm.

Yeah, but I wanted it to be someone else’s kids 😉 To be fair, half of the performers broke down in tears at the end and one other boy spent the last 5 minutes crying but our little thing was by far the worst. But, as I said earlier, she *loves* performing at home and is hugely creative in the performances she makes up.

Well, just debating whether I should go for today’s performance – going to hide in the crowd so she doesn’t see me…

Hoping to see my 3 1/3 yr old son on Friday in his play; saw him earlier in the year doing some stuff on stage in front of parents and he got on quite well which surprised me as he’s very shy in front of people he doesn’t know.

Best kid in the earlier show was one who ran around the stage smashing up the scenery.

I farted during mine, that seemed to lighten the mood. Teacher wasn’t happy mind, but the crowd seemed to enjoy it! 😀

We never had such things when i was a child, is all this navitity stuff a new thing?
I certainly don’t remember anyones parents coming into school for owt when i were a lad.

johndoh, know how you feel, we went through this too

My youngest has special needs, so when she has a stage, anything can happen and often does.

We used to find ourselves hiding right at the back waiting for her to explode, walk off, destroy the set, steal baby Jesus, or just screaming ‘Dad,dad,dad’ all the way through the production 😉

Its a roller coaster, yes, other parents can tut, some even give us the evils, but most enjoy it for what it is, we would not miss it for the world.

johndoh – Member

Well, just debating whether I should go for today’s performance – going to hide in the crowd so she doesn’t see me…

Go, enjoy the roller coaster 😉

Mine had extra lines including the first line of the play, I was more nervous than she was! Another wee lass who didn’t even have a part, stood in the wings sobbing for the entire gig. Kids eh?

It’s a tricky one.

I was absolutely scared rigid as a kid by doing ‘plays’ at school. I got really nervous, you know, that kind of rapidly mounting terror that makes you just want to run to the door and keep going?

Both my son and my daughter have had their plays recently and I felt a real and escalating nervousness for them as I was sat in the crowd waiting for their lines and time in the limelight.

Thing is, they were both absolutely brilliant – they seemed to be among the 2 or 3 kids that really joined in and knew what to do and say. I’m desperately trying not to be all “over-proud parent” about it – I can’t claim any credit for it as I have no idea where this public confidence has come from (not me, that’s for sure).

I wouldn’t worry about it too much – it seems that some kids are ok with stuff like this (in spite of their parents), and some kids aren’t (in spite of their parents doing their best to convince them it will be OK).

My girls have been great, but the boy, his first nativity was something else – he looks just like me, I’m a parent governor and on the PTA, so people are at least aware of me – so there is no escape if he does stupid things like: during the songs, he clearly only knew around 30% of the words, so was quiet, then sang, then was quiet – except he didn’t sing, he shouted, at the top of his lungs (which is pretty loud for any 3 year old) completely out of time and without a hint of tuning what so ever – he persisted like this through every single song, and had no idea what the problem was. A friend of ours videoed it – you can hardly hear the performance because of the laughing of the audience. We were walking home afterwards and the nursery teacher came out to take the piss, which was nice. It made me laugh, my wife not so much.

I’ve been to far too many nativity’s, and there are often kids who play up when there parents are in, and absolutely fine when they are not there – I can think of at least one in all of my kids classes (they are currently in their 3rd primary school as we’ve moved house) so it’s not unique – as to what causes it/solves it – that I’m afraid is a mystery to me. I’d say support and encouragement, but also a degree of detachment from them would be the end result you are looking for – they see you ad want to depend on you – when you’re not there, they don’t have the same issues, so your presence is the trigger…

You can overthink this, all you can do is tell them that you love them no matter what and you are proud of them for trying their best. This way they can develop at their own pace the confidence to try things, safe in knowledge that you are there for them no matter what. Adults or kids we are all different, with different qualities, strengths, likes wants needs and insecurities (e.g. 29 v 27.5 v 26!). I try to teach my kids that they will be different to others and whatever they feel is ok – whilst still trying to instill a sense of astute finacial management so they can look after Dad in his retirement!.

My 6 yr old son just held his cock the whole way through, like the previous two years. It’s the nursery one this afternoon so we’ll see if the 3 yr old maintains the tradition.

Ahh – the scratcher. Every play’s got one.

Well that was better. She was beaming smiles at the start (her younger cousin was there with granny and granddad and she was smiling and waving at them). We hid at the back so she wouldn’t see us but she did (it was like having the Eye of Sauron fixing on us 🙂 ) she carried on for the most part, but did come to mummy a couple of times but we encouraged her back onstage. She did her lines clearly and by the end was doing what she does at home – over-acting, making her own moves and generally really enjoying it.

Phew.

Tell her how good she was. Encourage. Praise. Make it fun.

That itself can put all the pressure on them, because they think you love it and really want them to do it for your sake.

Some kids just aren’t performers to large crowds. The only difference between kids and adults is that adults aren’t made to do it against their wishes 🙂

Our kid was in tears most of the way through the nursery one, but the reception one she was ok in. Sang, smiled at us and waved, did some lines, no worries.

Tell her how good she was. Encourage. Praise. Make it fun.

After yesterday, I took a different approach and asked her if she enjoyed it. She did.

Bloody kids – I knew she would too. By tonight she’ll be wanting to do it again. And again. And again…

My little miss was given the ‘star’ role as Mary (she is in reception year) – and then asked if she wanted to say anything or not, which seemed like a nice way of doing things. She chose to have a silent role!

She was then ok to get on with the play without all that worry / pressure at 4 or 5 years old, and this approach will hopefully build up the kids involement over time. The fear of not having a choice is what is most likely to put them off.

Glad she enjoyed it in the end jd, thats all that matters