Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 53 total)
  • Kids – Argh!
  • oddjob
    Free Member

    Am I the only one who can't stand one of their own kids?
    I have 2 sons, one is nearly 4 and the other is 15 months old. The little one has had quite a lot of problems but as he is not yet really walking or talking, he isn't too demanding other than taking to hospital appointments.
    The big one on the other hand drives me up the f'ing wall. He gets plenty of attention (in the right way, not just telling off) but still seems totally unable to behave himself – he can't sit still and he can't shut up AT ALL. He is not malicious, just overexcited, overactive and dissobendient.
    He is actually OK when it is just him and me together, but when my wife is around (most of the time of course) he is a pain.
    The problem is that my wife thinks that he is fine and normal for his age that I simply don't like him and she's beginning to resent me for that.

    There are other complications such as the fact that he is being brought up bilingually and he has a bit of trouble with English compared with his Danish at the moment.
    I don't know what to do. Apparently you can't really sell them for medical research and with winter around the corner, I can see myself becoming and really grumpy, bad tempered s0d over the coming months unless I can find a way to deal with him…
    Any ideas?

    simonfbarnes
    Free Member

    tragic 🙁
    I loved mine to bits, but I suppose they were mostly well behaved

    owenfackrell
    Free Member

    Is his hearing ok? as a lot of boys have small problems with there ears and it cna effect there behavour.
    Other than that have a look at this diet and see if there is anything that he eats before he behaves that way.

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    mastiles_fanylion
    Free Member

    As his behaviour changes when your wife is around it sounds like an attention thing – I think you need to sit down with your wife and have a proper discussion about her attitude towards him.

    wwaswas
    Full Member

    Maybe he sees his younger sibling gettign lots of attention due to the whole medical thing and has discovered that the best way to get you to interact with him is to play up?

    My suggestions, for what they're worth;

    set aside time each day for just dad and son time. he decides what you do.

    have clear rules and enforce them consistently. If you and your wife have different rules or don't carry out the consequencs of the rules beign breached then he'll play up knowign there's no consequences for him.

    agree with your wife what you'll do in advance – arguing in front of the boy about what he is or is not allowed to do/what the punishment is undermines your authority.

    lighten up a bit – he's 4.

    iDave
    Free Member

    I wonder if he dislikes you too?

    mastiles_fanylion
    Free Member

    Perhaps there is also an element of you feeling you are not in control? You are in control of the younger sibling (with hospital visits and the like) and you feel more responsibility towards him, to protect him.

    But the older one you just see becoming more independent and you have no 'reason' to need to do anything to protect him.

    toomanybikes
    Free Member

    ha ha, you wait 'till there teenagers, you'll long for the problems you have now, if you think this is bad, you don't stand a chance when they grow up

    GrahamS
    Full Member

    Have you tried beating him? If not then locking in a cupboard for a few hours is always a good option.

    Failing that I'd send him to the workhouse or out sweeping chimneys.
    That'll learn 'im.

     

    * NB: I don't have children.

    toomanybikes
    Free Member

    GrahamS………for your own sanity……DON'T EVER HAVE KIDS

    oddjob
    Free Member

    I have wondered if he dislikes me too, but I honestly don't think that is the case. He gets really upset when I get cross with him and he enjoys it a lot when we do stuff together.
    We bought him a bike in the summer which he rides without stabilisers (proud dad on that point) and I take him for a ride a couple of evenings a week. I think the problem is somewhere in the differences between my wife and I in how much discipline there should be. She is only interested in distracting him from whatever naughty things he was doing and moving onto something positive meaning that there are no consequences for misbehaving. I tend to think there should be some consequences for behaving badly but then it always escalates into all out war…

    IdleJon
    Full Member

    My oldest is 5 and is always being naughty, whether deliberately or not. She never listens to anything that we tell or ask her and we have also asked the question of whether she is deaf or not.

    It's just a case of her being a normal 5 year old.

    Sometimes I like her, sometimes I don't. I always love her regardless.

    Recently we have had a similar situation to oddjob –

    totally unable to behave himself – he can't sit still and he can't shut up AT ALL. He is not malicious, just overexcited, overactive and dissobendient.

    but having asked around at the school, it seems that most of her friends are exactly the same at the moment.

    Like everything else to do with kids, it'll change shortly, and then we'll have the younger one going through the same, but we'll have more understanding then.

    vinnyeh
    Full Member

    Sounds fairly normal to me. Kids can be very manipulative, and will pick up quickly on any disagreement between adults, and work with that.
    TBH, I'd be more worried if he was just seen and not heard.

    vinnyeh
    Full Member

    double post

    tankslapper
    Free Member

    Oddjob he'll be fine – hopefully it's only a phase the little 'uns going through.

    My advice is to run the bejasus out of him – but I guess you may have tried that one. Outside that you may want to speak to a child psychologist rather than listening to us lot and see if he/she can give an inside line into the kid's thinking or something he's missing out on. They can be infuriating at times – I've been lucky to a point so far and that point appears to be a 15 year old girl with brains to burn who wants to look like 'Jordan' and can't understand why her actions get unwanted attention and hassle and its 'everyone's fault' ya de ya de ya!

    Unlike my father who beat seven bells out of us I have never raised my hand to any of my kids (I'm way too scary as it is!) but I could really throttle my daughter at the moment…… 👿

    GrahamS
    Full Member

    GrahamS………for your own sanity……DON'T EVER HAVE KIDS

    LOL.. too late, me missus is two months pregnant. 😀

    samuri
    Free Member

    ditto @ toomanybikes. Any boisterous behaviour you thought was bad when they were toddlers pales into insignificance when you watch their behaviour as teenagers.

    But as people have said above, this to me sounds like either an attention thing with your wife. Possibly because of the dependancy of your youngest but it could also be an attempt to establish a new heirarchy. The kid might be jealous of any attention you get. Just accept it and take up your new position at the bottom of the family food chain, somewhere below the cat but perhaps just slightly above the goldfish.

    toomanybikes
    Free Member

    Congratulations………..

    tinsy
    Free Member

    He could have many, many things causing it too, like ADD, ADHD, Aspergers, Dyslexia or a whole host of things that manifest themself's as bad behaviour, might be time for you to do some gooling and find out about these things.

    OH AND KIDS ARE DEMANDING, IT MIGHT JUST BE YOU!!

    vinnyeh
    Full Member

    just accept it and take up your new position at the bottom of the family food chain, somewhere below the cat but perhaps just slightly above the goldfish.

    Your household must be ruled with an iron hand if you're above the goldfish..

    toomanybikes
    Free Member

    Tinsy…..the kids normal, no need to pigeon hole them as being on the spectrum somewhere……

    tyke
    Free Member

    I suspect the real reason is that his Mum is Danish. The Danish and English sense of humour don't mix so he's developing a split personality.

    Or could it be that with Winter coming he knows that pickled herring is likely to be on the menu and isn't looking forward to it :wink:.

    wwaswas
    Full Member

    what vinneyh said, I aspire to be above the goldfish in my house.

    tinsy
    Free Member

    No need, but it might help the OP understand… I guess you dont like it as your are definately way up there toomanybikes!!! 🙂

    theotherjonv
    Full Member

    I'm thinking of getting a goldfish. In the short term it will just be more work, feeding and changing water etc. but at some point in the future, when it floats on its back and just before he gets flushed down the toliet.

    AT THAT POINT I'LL FEEL LIKE AN EQUAL

    oxym0r0n
    Full Member

    Minor issue, no doubt but I am assuming he is getting a balanced diet??

    Hairychested
    Free Member

    He is actually OK when it is just him and me together, but when my wife is around (most of the time of course) he is a pain.

    We have the same. My little one s a lovely, well-behaved kiddie when we are together. We went to a pub down in Kent, she drunk her OJ, ate peanuts, talked to the dog that was there, was quiet and playful at the same time. When my wife is around, the kid turns evil. She whines, screams, gets moody, becomes a royal pain.
    When I take care of feeding, whatever she gets she eats, broccoli, carrots, bangers and mash, pasta, anything goes. Mum feeding – don't want this, don't want that.
    Solution – spend more time with your kid, take him out and about, talk to him, teach him stuff Mummy never will (ok, buying porn and drinking ale should possibly wait a bit). Be a hero. Even if the little devil doesn't appreciate it now, he will later.
    Good luck (and ensure no more kids), only 21 years till they both move out.

    toomanybikes
    Free Member

    With your spine Tinsy you'd never fit in a pigeon hole

    ernie_lynch
    Free Member

    KILL HIM !

    toomanybikes
    Free Member

    But I may be on there somewhere

    tinsy
    Free Member

    toomanybikes, I think you may have pidgeon holed me into a category that doesnt fit into a pidgeon hole… Nice one.. 🙂

    toomanybikes
    Free Member

    Yes………The Bartrel

    simonfbarnes
    Free Member

    Any boisterous behaviour you thought was bad when they were toddlers pales into insignificance when you watch their behaviour as teenagers.

    if you want obedience, buy a dog and train it, and you can also legally kill it if you don't like it. My kids are unquestionably the best thing I ever did, but they have their own ideas about how to live their lives.

    toomanybikes
    Free Member

    I wished i was perfect

    badblood
    Free Member

    sounds like he is playing you off against each other i.e. he knows if he acts up for mum that he will get 'rewarded'. You need a good chat with the missus and deal with it as a team or it will just escalate.

    samuri
    Free Member

    Precisely Simon, just watch and laugh for the most part.

    oddjob
    Free Member

    I am prepared to accept that it is perfectly normal for a 4 year old. I think his diet is OK and he gets a lot of exercise – if he doesn't then it is absolute hell so we make sure he is running around outside as much as possible.
    He seems to be fine with having a little brother as well so maybe I just need to shut up and get on with it.
    Being a parent is a pain in the ar$e, it seems to be deeply unacceptable to say it, but to be honest, at the moment I regret it more than I enjoy it.

    Back to the therapist for me then…

    windowshopper
    Free Member

    For the record, I have a 4 year old son who I adore but who does get very whiney sometimes which I find difficult.

    If you and your wife have different rules, surely it's no wonder he is confused and not behaving as you'd like. Sort that out as priority.

    I'm also finding Steve Biddulph's book "The Secrets of Happy Children" helpful.

    And the point about hearing is a good one. My son turned out to have reduced hearing, common at this age apparently.

    Good luck.

    binners
    Full Member

    oddjob
    Free Member

    His hearing is fine – selective, but functioning well (it has been checked)
    I'll have a look at the book but I think he is happy, it's just me that's struggling 🙂

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