I’ve just eaten five slices of Sainsbury’s pre-packed roast turkey. As I put the packet in the bin, I noticed the use-by date: 12 DEC.

I thought it had said 21 DEC.

Am I going to suffer some gastric issues?

Should I stick my fingers down my throat and get it out of me while there’s still time?

Help……..me………

Worst thing you will experience is some turkey boffs.

You’re stuffed.

*paradiddle*

Get some glasses and stop eating between meals.

Worst you’ll feel is a bit beaky…

If it’s been kept in a fridge and it tasted ok, you will Probably be fine

If you brought it today would do back to the store and do a turkey smelling dump on the customer service desk! obv ask for a refund and some gesture of goodwill before you take it to the local EHO with proof of purchase.

Or do what one customer did to me in the week, demand free shopping for life, just because she found 1 yoghurt on the shelf with the previous days life, she hadn’t even brought it, stupid woman!

I don’t want to worry you Mr Starship, but from my vantage point above the Vistor’s Carpark I have just seen this guy stroll into Reception.

Can I have your best bike? I’m not interested in the commuter.

think of it as grow-your-own botox – you’ll end up looking fab (if a bit floppy)

Did it smell bad?

Was it slimey?

Was there mould growing on it?

If NO to all the above you’ll be fine.

If stored properly you can extend use-by dates a fair bit.

5 slices? You beast!

Have you always been dyslexic?

My condolences to your family. We will miss you.

Can I have your 2nd best bike?

5 slices? You beast!

Yes but only 110g in total.

Did it smell bad?

Was it slimey?

Was there mould growing on it?

no but it will be 🙂

get ready to lose some weight

Gobbler

Take a laxative to speed up the process, and then retire to the bog as you wait for your body to purge itself of its foul contents.

Good luck.

It’s been nice knowing you DS. How about having someone put your bike(s) up for charity auction on STW after you’re gone?

I’d just ask for a service revolver to avoid the embarrassment myself.

I should think you’ll die a painful and embarrassing death involving projectile vomitting and diarrhea.

Either that or you’ll have an interesting poo tomorrow.

get ready to lose some weight

Just for the bloody record – Derek_Starship has lost 3 stones since May this year.

I thank you *bows* oh *farts*. Damn turkey.

There’s normally so much preservative and nitrates and e numbers in presliced meat i expect you’ll be just fine.

I’d check your pulse now, you may already be dead..

I use the cat test, if the cat will eat it, it’s probably fine (and she’s a picky bugger!)

You’ll be reet. If you were a frail little old lady it may have been different but a big strong man should be able to eat that no problem.

How about having someone put your bike(s) up for charity auction on STW after you’re gone?

The cheap commuter perhaps. I’ve already claimed the Orange thankyouverymuch.