At 16:30 this afternoon I shall be having an interview with a couple of chaps about a contract position at a financial institution that rhymes with ‘Sharkleys’.

As ever, the pimprecruitment agent is keen that I go in armed with a ‘killer question’.

So, let’s have your ideas…

How about: “Can I have a job please?”

EDIT: seriously though, good luck!

“How frequently do phantom poos appear in the staff shower cubilces?”

Who’s best, Ed Bundy or Myra Hindley?

Do you swa(Enough now. The Mods)

What is your opinion of nettles?

“So, what’s the clunge like around here?”

If you had to be locked in a small room for a year with one giant image projected on the wall, would you prefer Goatse or Blue Waffle?

Bankers bonus payments – whats your take ?
FSA – can they do a proper job ?
What are you good at / bad at ?
Do you bank with us ?

Do you swa(Enough now. The Mods)

Jeez, that was quick!

What is your opinion of nettles?

Unfortunatley, the answer would be:

“We think he’s a tw@*”

🙂

So, is it right that even if I’m **** at the job, I’ll still get paid, or is that just the investment arm of the company?

Are you a giver, or a taker?

Do headsets come with a crown race?

Have you found a way yet to manipulate the Libor rate without attracting the attention of the regulator?

Why did you decide to stop sponsoring the Boris Bikes?

Do you miss Bob?

FSA – can they do a proper job ?

Get with it!!!!! FSA?????? 😉

Do you have good Christmas parties?

(A former boss asked that in his interview and got the job!)

What does the fox say?

would you wear a special harness to carry meat?

Does this look like a rash to you?

Did you pay money for that suit? Really?

FSA??????

Exactly, who the hell are the FSA? I thought it was LAUTRO?

Did you pay money for that suit? Really?

I want questions to ask them, not what they’ll ask me.

I fancy going long on LIBOR, could you fix something up for me?

Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?

Nice. Are they real?

I never was, am always to be,
No one ever saw me, nor ever will
And yet I am the confidence of all
To live and breathe on this terrestrial ball.

What am I?

Hora?

Who do I have to shag around here to get a coffee?

Will my workstation have internet access?

Jokes apart:

Did you read the Taylor article this week on their IT? In the FT. You might find a Q in that
You could ask about ring-fencing – reaction to what happened over past week or so, impact on Sharkcap (but don’t use that word anymore) etc
Impact of branch closure program – a bit inane but shows you follow the news
Are the 4q provisions (£330m for legal and regulatory issues) the bottom?

What’s the current strategy for ring-fencing unicorns?

Here’s a good one:

“I understand that all your contractors have to undergo a thorough background check before they can be allowed onsite?

Can you make sure that the third party you use to do these checks completes it before my start date, so that I don’t sit at home for two weeks with the associated loss of income?”

Do I get my 200% bonus before or after I balls everything up ?

Good luck buddy

Perhaps they know the answer to the perennial, “what tyres for debate?”

Can I fondle your buttocks ?

Of course you can, but can you help me think of a killer question?

Would you rather have legs as long as your fingers, or fingers as long as your legs?

Do you think cyclists should be treated more like horses? (quite topical, no?)

Check out whether you can claim expenses for lunch if you have to work off site and they have a canteen there…seriously.