**** it can be arsed justifying myself to trolls.
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Is my sister in law stirring or naieve?
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Posted 11 months ago #
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**** it can be arsed justifying myself to trolls.
funny that you mentioned trolling just now, I was thinking somebody was doing a bit of trolling here
Posted 11 months ago # -
me?
Posted 11 months ago # -
See I would interpret their offer as they know you are the breadwinner so might be able to cover the cost of the flight and they will cover the cost of the one who doesn't work and the kid who, lets be honest, is a pretty useless edition to the wedding party as he wont give a flying pootle what's going on. However that said, if it happened to me then I would probably feel a little as you do so understand where you are coming from.
If it is the nephew's wedding and he isn't bothered and your OH isn't bothered about going I would just suggest a polite 'thank you but we wont be able to come, money is tight, it will be too much of a flight for the little one but hope you have an amazing time'. Don't lose sleep over it, weddings genuinely bring out the worst in people and it'll soon be forgotten.
Posted 11 months ago # -
"Because another man wants to take MY son and show him some wonderful stuff and I cant?"
My child is a possession. Its more important for me to get what I want than for my child to have a good time. I prefer to sulk rather than be glad of a one off opportunity for my partner to support her sister at a family event.
"If I have my son at home, how do I go out biking without social services being involved???! "
I will sulk if they go, but I wont give up anything to have quality 'Dad time' with my kid, in fact it never even occurred to me to offer to baby sit my son just so I could have extra time with him while at the same time showing gracious support to my partner.I think before long you are going to be posting on here 'my partner has left me. She says I am controlling, resentful, sulky and selfish - I cant understand why she thinks that'.
I think you need to look at your inferiority complex and that's not a dig, you really do need to look at how you view yourself and how the image you are giving out appears to others, even if it only looks so bad because you feel vulnerable and express that in ways that are not flattering to you.
People value care, love, consideration, support and loyalty far more than they value the income of their partner. You may already be supplying these and its unfortunately just not showing here very well in your writing style, but be wary of withdrawing them in an inferiority complex sulk as you might end up with little left to trade with.
You could give your child a far far better event than the grand canyon could ever be (what 4 year old cares about a vast hole in the ground?), so make the most of this chance for you and the child - its golden!
Posted 11 months ago # -
My mother in law recently booked flights and a hotel for her to take my wife and kids to Portugal to see my sister in law. Not me though as at that time I couldn't get the time off work to go with them.
So a slightly different situation, but I also felt quite sad about missing out on my wee boys first go in an aeroplane, so I can sympathise with the OP in that respect. But at no point did I not want them to go.
Posted 11 months ago # -
Stay at home, eat junk, be happy.
Vegas is vile - you'd hate it anyway.Posted 11 months ago # -
Can I ask why you are hiding behind a pseudonym to post this?
Posted 11 months ago # -
Woah, this took a very sudden turn on the OP and escalated as soon as the admission of a fake user ID came out....
As others have said get on with the week to yourself and see just how much you can enjoy it. Image spending a whole day biking with no time limits, coming home, eating exactly what you want and having as many beers as you fancy. Now mutliply that by 6 (leaving a day to tidy up!!).
As much as you want to do these things with your son it doesn't sound like he'll have the chance to see the GC or fly to the States in a good few years. It'll hurt to hear him talk about how good it was but I'll bet you'll also be happy for him.
And 50/50?? What thread were you reading? A few people said they understood where you were coming from but could see both sides! 90/10 at best....
Posted 11 months ago # -
I can sympathise with this, but you need to raise it with your OH. She is giving out the message that her priorities are different to yours.
Similar thing happened to us a good few years ago (although no kids to complicate things)... Big overblown gesture by BIL to take family to States to see another family member (missing out me and OH). OH desparately wanted to go, but we couldnt afford it at the time (1st rung on ladder, saving to buy house etc). I said she could go (using our savings) but 'I can't promise I'll be around when you get back'. Thankfully she chose me and the life we were building together.
We now have the house, cars and disposible income to be able to enjoy things together... Whilst overblown gesture boy is in a world of debt.
Posted 11 months ago # -
Sorry about the fake ID, heads all over the place. Its been banned now anyway.
Im just rather hurt that my OHs sister chose to exclude me. This sort of event shoud be for all my famuly, not part of it.
Hey ho, time to make some riding plans.
Thanks for everyones input. Its all been useful in clearing my head out.Posted 11 months ago # -
I loved dad-time with my kids at that age - so partner to go - kid to stay with you.
Posted 11 months ago # -
They're paying for both. Why would she want to keep him with me when they can visit america?
Posted 11 months ago # -
errr... because he is 4 and you get to influence what he does. He isn't just something cute to appear in their photos. His needs for fun really need to be taken into account. If there are other kids his age or a plan for him - fine. If not - why subject him to it?
Posted 11 months ago # -
Good point, thanks for that, hadnt considered that no other kids going....
Posted 11 months ago # -
I said she could go (using our savings) but 'I can't promise I'll be around when you get back'.
Sorry but you sound like a complete ****
Posted 11 months ago # -
Awww, don't be sad. If they do decide to go then make the most of the space and the peace. That guy might do some stuff while he's got your lad but you've got a whole lifetime of other firsts to have with him. He's 4, he won't remember anyway. And if your girlfriend and your son stil think the world of you then stuff her family! Besides you might get extra bedtime brownie points for letting her go away
Posted 11 months ago # -
Don't know if anyone else has said this, but kids are usually ushered straight into the lifts to keep them from being anywhere near the casino floors in the hotels, and if you're struggling for cash before you go then Vegas is a no no. Not like you can nip to the beach for a cheap day out!!
Posted 11 months ago # -
Weddings can bring out the worst in people.
He isn't just something cute to appear in their photos.
How close are your SIL and OH? How close are you with your SIL and BIL? Sounds a bit off to me that they've made this generous offer without discussing it with you and Your OH unless you are not all that close.
Posted 11 months ago # -
Good troll, very convincing. 9/10.
Posted 11 months ago # -
Not a troll I assure you. Besides, no random capitals and swearing.
Posted 11 months ago # -
On the contrary, dear boy. This most cer :wink:tainly is a troll.
Posted 11 months ago # -
I agree that you shouldn't be sad if there are things other people can give your boy that you can't afford to. Maybe this might drive you towards a better paid career? Might be the same for me tbh, although I'm not especially materialistic.
To give you a parallel situation, my best mates wife was suffering from post natal depression. He took the family to the Bahamas to help the situation. My wife's just had a touch of the same. I've given her lots of love and reassurance, and taking the family to pick strawberries
I'm made up that my mate can afford to do that for his family but also happy that I can give my family what they need.
Posted 11 months ago # -
My jobs heading in the right direction, but its a slow burner at the moment, although we are heading in the right direction.
We've had a long chat about this last night and again this morning. I've made it clear im not particularly happy to be excluded mainly because we are a family. If she really wants to go then im ok with it. I realise I shouldn't be so possessive too. My OH doesn't really want to go either, but she doesn't want to upset her sister by saying no. She also agrees there's not likely to be much change from £1.5k for them, which be both think is too much.
So I now understand why she hasn't said no yet, but she's going to talk to SIL about it.Posted 11 months ago # -
I asure I was stiring and not trolling. I still think, when you consider the facts presented, you're a selfish arse/troll.
Posted 11 months ago # -
Well I think you're a rude **** fourbanger, but was polite enough not to post it.
Whoops!
Posted 11 months ago # -
Vegas youre sister clearly has no taste.. she should pay for you to gfo though. I think it greedy of people to have weddings on the other side of the planet, as most of ur mates wolnt be able to go. It know a couple that were broken up by the debit the wedding cost...how i lold and lold and lold,
Posted 11 months ago # -
Posted 11 months ago #
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Think this would have been an non issue if the SIL had said something along the lines of we'd like you all to come and we'd like to contribute £xx towards your costs of going. This way no-one would taken offence, I wouldn't have felt excluded and we could have politely declined, rather than my OH feel guilty about saying no.
Posted 11 months ago # -
Agreed, definately could have said heres £xxx towards it if you come, you'll have to fund the rest as a family! Perhaps just a bit insensitive or she really doesn't give a **** about you?? Honestly though one of my best mates got married there last year, he wanted me to be best man etc but we said no because we weren't happy going off on a jolly for a week without our kids.
We the wrightys are "as one"Posted 11 months ago # -
We the wrightys are "as one"
+1
Similar issue when a mate and his wife were invited to a wedding but explicitly not their son.. they were not happy, and nor would I have been.
Posted 11 months ago # -
You two are both selfish arses / trolls too then!
Just not good form to try and split a family up like that. I wouldn't dream of going to a family wedding without my OH or son.Posted 11 months ago # -
Think this would have been an non issue if the SIL had said something along the lines of we'd like you all to come and we'd like to contribute £xx towards your costs of going.
Fair point, but that's the diplomatic approach. The honest approach for her is to say that she wants her sister at her sons wedding, and you just aren't as important. That may seem unfair, but it's probably the truth. If I could have afforded it I'd have paid for my brother to be at my wedding, but not his girlfriend. And I'd have no qualms about that. We are, for example, paying for my MIL to come over and see our new baby, but not our FIL. He'll be over in a few months when we can afford it. Circumstances dictate.
Posted 11 months ago # -
I wouldn't dream of going to a family wedding without my OH or son.
Really? What if you could only afford for just you to go, and it was a sibling?
Posted 11 months ago # -
Isn't this an episode of "Don't tell the Bride"?
Anyway - like Stoaty said; if there is a plan for what to do with a 4 year old on a 12 hour flight and in non-child friendly Vegas plus there will be other kids then fine. Otherwise offer to take time off and look after the lad = it's your job and it'll be good for you and son.
If this is all about excluding you = then you should be a family unit and your SO should see that. We L's are as one like the Wrighty's!
Given that wedding's should be either private affairs = in which case just go off and do it but don't split the family by inviting some & not others
or
public declamations of a couples love = have it at home and invite as many as you wantVegas doesn't seem to be ticking the boxes. Still there's nothing to cause a bust up like a wedding!
So talk to BIL and ask why SO and son are invited and you're not. Let them know the hurt & pain their wedding is causing
Posted 11 months ago #
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