It’s ‘cockpit’ that’s the one which winds me up most. An aircraft has a cockpit, a racing car has a cockpit. A cockpit is an enclosed compartment in which you sit, not a pair of handlebars. It’s just journos trying to dress thing up and make them sound cool ie bull****!

they’re called cockpits on planes with reference to the cramped holes in the ground used for cockfighting. so to refer to something on a bike as a cockpit means it is small and cramped.

I suppose it is tricky everyone knows the conclusion has been reached before the test bikes even arrive, but they still need to fill a page per bike with words, so resorting to cliches and buzz words often the way to go.

They’re all as bad as each other…

I think some new cliches and buzzwords need introducing though, preferably offensive ones… they like a bit of light homophobia don’t they, that’s where the whole “Jey” thing came from innit?

Any suggestions?

Front centre, grates a bit

“Buttery”. Journos can surely come up with another adjective to describe something that’s smooth.

I sincerely hope that the folk at Rockshox are reading this…

My pet peeve at the moment is “Murdered Out”. I hate this term. Hate it, hate it, hate it to the point where it’s making me seriously question whether or not I want to buy anything made by SRAM again. It annoys me that much.

Also, I’d like anyone who uses the following terms to be taken outside and shot:

“Massive pivot bearings” – Define “massive”? The bearings on the propshaft of the USS Nimitz can justifiably be labelled “massive”. The bearings on a Specialized Stumpjumper cannot.

“Colorway” (sic) – No. It’s colour scheme or livery if you wish. Again, usage of the term “colorway” in your marketing literature is likely to have me researching your competitors’ products in next to no time.

Oh and while I’m at it, I’d prefer not to see the word “succulent” used to describe suspension. It sets off my wankiness detector every time.

to describe something that’s smooth

plush? that’s what I use.

some new cliches and buzzwords need introducing though, preferably offensive ones

steering as loose as cookeaa’s mum?

Andy R – Member

StefMcDef – Member
“Body English”. Which I take to mean something along the lines of weighting the bike this way and that as you ride.

That for me is the absolute zenith of up-its-own-arse cycling mag terminology. It will never be surpassed.

The term “Body English” pre-dates mountain biking magazines though – it was used in the motorcycle trials context at least forty years ago.

That can’t be right. All the top boys on Kickstart were Belgian. Shouldn’t it be Body Walloon ?! 😀

A few people have mentioned ‘murdered out’ but I’ve never seen it used in MTB circles. I must have my head in the sand.

I’ve only seen it used in terms of hotrods and modified cars. It means something that is absolutley, completely black with no colour anywhere. Hard to see how any bike components can be ‘murdered out’ when they’re all dressed up like billboards. Surely they’re just black with stickers on?

I agree that everything Steve Jones says is like hieroglyphics. I remember when Dirt had those tech articles by the bloke from K9 and he taught Steve Jones loads of new phrases like ‘front centre’ and ‘kinematics’ which then started appearing in every single bike review.

Doing our bit 🙂

Doing our bit

Damn, there goes my genius idea of testing different wheel sizes scientifically using Strava segments.

I was going to choose a 26″, a 650b and a 29″ steed from my quiver specifically for this task. May even have thrown a cyclocross bike in there too.

😉

Many articles seem badly written to appeal to young people who watch American tv and cycling dvd`s

A few people have mentioned ‘murdered out’ but I’ve never seen it used in MTB circles. I must have my head in the sand.

I’ve only seen it used in terms of hotrods and modified cars. It means something that is absolutley, completely black with no colour anywhere. Hard to see how any bike components can be ‘murdered out’ when they’re all dressed up like billboards. Surely they’re just black with stickers on?

The new Rockshox Pikes are all black and they use the phrase in their marketing spiel.

i liked the bikesnob link…
“descends like a monkey in a set of crampons being dropped from a helicopter, handles corners like a prostitute, and accelerates like a particle in a particle accelerator that itself is just a tiny particle in a giant particle accelerator”

I have no idea what the following mean in the context of riding a bicycle.

Pin.
Send.
Session.

Steed is also a bit “twatty”.

“Quiver” is awful.

and from the American forums: “Pulled the trigger on…”

“Specialized xxxxxx – 10/10”

“Dialled”. I hate that over-used word with a passion.

Along with “back in the day” – which day for God’s sake?!!

Grrrrrrr!!

“Rocking up to Fort Bill”

Can’t they just travel to Fort William?

Railed really riles.

Nice bit of ulliteration there.

And, why does every bike reviewd by a certain magazine (obviously not ST) magically undergo a transformation as soon as it is fitted with a stem 20mm shorter than the one it came fitted with?

Stopped buying any magazines eons ago when I came to the conclusion that I was being sold at rather than being informed.

But ‘Railing berms’ makes my skin crawl.

‘Head Honcho’ whenever a certain bike manufacturer got a mention.

I like ‘railed’ – it’s literal, not **** imagery.

Sorry Brakes, but the whole thing that irritates me about railed is that it is not literal. There are no rails on any of the routes that I ride.

Not cycling journalism specific, but “ticks all the boxes”

Steed is also a bit “twatty”.

+1 along with referring to a bike as she.

Awful, just awful.

After a hard day at work murdering people, I feel all murdered out.

sessioning – taking it way to seriously

Sessioning… Thing is, there’s not really a quick way to say it otherwise, so it’s pretty functional. Can’t disapprove of that myself.

‘Murdered out’ will soon be replaced by ‘saving your furnishings’ (same thing). An equally pointless use of English. (Yes, I did make that up, no I’m not a journalist – though I see how easy it could be..) 😉

It all adds colour, I don’t want to buy a mag which reads like a technical manual. Maybe it’s not the terms, it’s the consistent use of them that has everyone vertically compliant with rage. More variety perhaps?

Not cycling journalism specific, but “ticks all the boxes”

Again quite a useful phrase. What do you prefer – ‘satisfies all the criteria’?

Some of you need to chillax. 😉

andeh – Member

It all adds colour,

Murdering out doesn’t!

I like ‘railed’ too.

I believe it refers to the action of going round the corner like you are on rails. Proverbially, of course. 😉

Murdering out doesn’t!

ZING! 😀

‘sessioning’ is the one word that boils my wee. As far as I can make out it means ‘practice’. Makes it sound like you’re crap at a particular part of a ride so you have to do it over & over & over & over & over & over.
Again.

‘Body English’ however I can see. It’s been used for years in motorcycle trials. It’s just another phrase for ‘body lean’. Early British trials riders took to body lean to control balance/steering/weight distribution for grip etc.
I will witness loads of riders demonstrating ‘body English’ at the SSDT next weekend, Including Steve Peat!

I’ve hated the word ‘steed’ for years.

The last mountain bike magazine I actually bought was about 5 years ago.

I noticed all of the UK magazines recycling articles in about 1993…

MBUK and their ‘amusing’ articles on:
1. cycling underwater
2. cycling out of an aircraft
3. cycling somewhere equally stupid and pointless
4. ad nauseam…

‘Wrecking Crew’ – nicked from Mountain Bike Action as most of the other made up terminology was in the early days and that grew out of the MX scene so the language is from ‘dudes’ who liked to ‘rail’, use ‘body english’ while ‘throttle twisting’ in sunny SoCal. Rad.

‘Stiction’ is useful though. Static Friction. Mountain bike journalists are ‘Stunts’. Stupid C(that’s enough – Ed)

Flossie and I have just been out shredding the gnarly trails round Macclesfield Forest with the wrecking crew!
Shreddin’, diallin’, and railin’…..
😛

like a naff joke, I still can’t expel “descends with the precision-forged accuracy of an exocet missile” (MBUK 1993) from my consciousness. 😕

I still can’t believe that so few of the truly great novelists have written about mountain bikes. I guess it’s because the audience is so bloody demanding.

“Railin ruts and bangin sluts” really gets my goat.