Please don’t leave me here – not even any cricket on…..
May get my face painted.

Nip for a horse-burger!

more meatballs and pickled herring than you can shake a stick at! fill yer boots! Nom!

Or load your pockets with diddy pencils – very handy for the workshop and camping trips.

play the ikea game me and the wife play, see how many arguing couples you can spot.

Go to the big warehouse bit at the end, and randomly switch boxes around

play the ikea game me and the wife play, see how many arguing couples you can spot.

^ this, but “help things along” by sneaking those big bags of tea-lights into people’s trolleys

Fall asleep in one of the display bedrooms.

When a member of staff politely asks you to move, say “no, how could ikea expect somebody to test a bed without a real world application of the test?”*

*best to leave out the masturbation though.

“help things along” by sneaking those big bags of tea-lights into people’s trolleys

Ah, the delights of helping others with their shopping! See also dropping a large packet of extra-thick condoms in an unsuspecting trolley…

…see how many arguing couples you can spot.

Genius! I’m going to propose a trip this weekend just to have a go 😆

If you’re wondering where the meatballs really come from… http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/ah-best-avoid-sweden-then

start at the wrong end and walk the other way round against the flow. if there are a few of you act like a small shoal of fish and allow each person to take the lead from time to time. remeber to open and close your mouths repeatedly and if anyone shouts at you you all need to flit away and hide before reforming.

Go straight to the exit and pass through the food hall, collect salmon and dill, uber strong espresso coffee and 19 bars of Dime Bar choc, a bottle or 5 of their schnapps and 11 boxes of biscuits.

Ok, that my order.. Pick what you like 😆

Spot the poor bastards emerging with a trolley full of unwanted glasses, picture frames, spice racks, etc.

Or find items whose Swedish name sounds a bit dirty when said in a Carry On voice. The ‘Fukta’ saucer is no longer available, sadly.

Or, just wait outside.

…see how many arguing couples you can spot.

It’s always the woman walking away in a huff, why don’t men have any power in these debates? why are we always the one in the wrong? If we played at being in a mood the wife wouldn’t notice.

yossarian – Member
start at the wrong end and walk the other way round against the flow. if there are a few of you act like a small shoal of fish and allow each person to take the lead from time to time. remeber to open and close your mouths repeatedly and if anyone shouts at you you all need to flit away and hide before reforming.

WIN!

start at the wrong end and walk the other way round against the flow. if there are a few of you act like a small shoal of fish and allow each person to take the lead from time to time. remeber to open and close your mouths repeatedly and if anyone shouts at you you all need to flit away and hide before reforming.

😆

Should have called in reinforcements when we spent 5 hours in the Croydon one on Saturday evening!

Did you take a wrong turnin at te pub or somethin nick . 5 hours 😮

If you’re at the one in MK, probably best go across the road to B&Q or something. Or, just sit yourself in the cafe place and see how many free refills of coffee you can get away with before you a) get removed or b) get cardiac problems.

Pick me up some wardrobes, and a rug that won’t stop peeling up at the corners please. I need them, but can’t face the trip…

Did you take a wrong turnin at te pub or somethin nick . 5 hours

I know, I know. I was even in a hugely submissive mood. “Yes dear, that one’s nice” has never been used so gratuitously.

There was dinner in there too, and the people watching is epic.

Never mind that….

5 hours in CROYDON?

You poor soul!

It was awful. Miss njee20 and I did agree a code word for when we spotted those who are truly degrading the gene pool solely by their needless and incessant consumption of oxygen, I think I’d said it half a dozen times before we’d made it to the door.

Oh the pain of Ikeastrain. I try to begin with, although always fail to maintain a civil demeanour somewhere around kitchen accessories.
I always forget to factor in the minimum 45 min ( hour and a half on a wasted sunday)drive each way too.

Or, just wait outside.

– yep, outside the exit, loiter until you see someone come out with a trolley packed high – you know, full flat pack kitchen & bedroom suite – watch in amazement as they roll towards the likes of a Smart car. Chortle as they spend an inordinate amount of time trying different connotations of loading the boxes in order to make it all fit…..

I was in Ikea Birstall last week.

As I stood at the exit, savouring my organic* 60p hot dog, some poor bastard drive a transit full-tilt into the height restriction bars.

Looked away, as you do. Well, I say that. I noticed most others pointing and enjoying the spectacle of someone having a bad time.

I left with my £7 lamps feeling grubby.

*citation needed.

Bugger.

Here’s a picture of my allotment.

Made it. Even the triq through Stone, Stoke and Congleton to avoid the M6 car qark was better. Veggie, so no qrocessed meat qroducts for me. Well over an hour and she returns with 6 glasses, an ironing board cover and some odd sized bedding (oh and a rubbery thing that caught my eye, but turns out it’s not for bedroom use, but for sitting hot things on (a Lagg aqqarently)
Glad there’s no blue and yellow confusion sheds near Keswick.

# In case you’re wondering there’s a key not working on my keyboard – the one that normally comes at the start of _iss or _oor or twice in the middle of sho__ing #

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNcaaehKaC8[/video]

“soft and round and they aim to qlease”
[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=iZt9c91QW1M[/video]

Ikea don’t do baqs or aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaale

Only one way to make ikea a pleasurable experience. NERF GUNS.

IKEA would be great as a Laser Quest Venue…. you could play for days at a time in there … big enough for teams of 50…

Either that or make IKEA a World Enduro Series venue..

Dont suppose any of you thought to simply use IKEA online? 😆

PSA – in the Edinburgh IKEA you get twice as many meatballs in your ‘portion’ as in the Southern ones.

@br
The Scots must have more resistant dna.