For the first time in ages I got up this morning feeling great. It wasn’t raining, I didn’t feel like shit/giving up/wanting to sleep all day and it was half 7, within plenty of time to catch the train out to the Peaks.

Leaping into action, I pulled on my clobber and skipped to the shed. Sure, my bike was filthy from the last night ride, but that wouldn’t stop me. Oh, and I had to swap tyres over, but I had plenty of time for that.

Greeted by double punctures, my shoulders dropped. This was, still, only a mild setback. I would have had to swap tyres over anyway, so one more is only a little more work. I thrust my arm blindly towards my tube shelf, only to find….well, nothing. I had no tubes.

Luckily for me, I have a spare in my pack and a puncture kit somewhere. I’d fix the back tube and replace the front while it was drying. No sweat.

Diligently wrestling the tyre, ripping out the tube, inflating, caressing with my cheek to find the minute incision, marking the spot, roughing the surface, squeezing the rubber solution…….ahem, squeezing the rubber solution. SQUEEZING THE RUBBER SOLUTION!!

I squeezed and squeezed and squeezed and squeezed. The tube folded double in my fingers but produced no contents. I hurled it across the room.

By this point, i was getting a little pissy. It was 8am, my train left in 26 minutes and I had one working tube, too many tyres and an empty tube of sealant. There was only one thing for it, and when I say this, you should know that, I am not proud of my actions. I was in a bind. What more could I do.

10 minutes later I’m stood at the Halfords checkout, my BMX in one hand, £6 tubes and a repair kit in the other. As I dropped my card into the slot, I knew I had hit bottom. The cash flowing out of my account, and a lump of my soul flowing out of my body.

Back at the house, and breathless, I jump into action. I had missed the first train now, but I could make the next. It might be a little dark by the end of my ride, but I have lights.

Growing 2 extra arms I become one with the tyre levers. The dirt on the kitchen floor and me are the same. No camera could define the boundaries between me and my bike. A haze of precision, efficiency and mechanical delight.

Bike fixed, I wheel it outside while I tidy up/have breakfast/get my shit together. I have a good 30 minutes before I need to set off and there is much to be done.

Finally, with 15 minutes till my train departs, I roll out onto the drive. This morning has been a trial, but I overcame it. **** the universe, I WILL ride this bike today. The tyres, the tubes, the de-mudding of SPDs, the oiling, the scrubbing, the hoovering. It’s paid off. Nothing can stop me now. I join the main road and put the power down. I feel great, today will be an excele……PSSSSSTCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

😥

Nooooooooo, but hey, get back out on the BMX instead 😛

Train times and punctures stop you from riding? I feel your pain.

I blacked out as I tried to death-punch a passing Mondeo. I woke up on my kitchen floor an hour later, naked , bar a poorly constructed loin cloth of rubber patches, surrounded by inner tubes and energy bars, holding an improvised spear constructed from broken track pumps.

I looked out my window to see 14 armed police, 2 riot vans and a tank. There is a small fire burning in the distance.

I think I need tubeless tyres/a car.

Devs, I’d ride locally but it’s impossible due to ridiculous mud :/ Peaks is rocky innit.

Really enjoyed reading that made me giggle. Can I be the first to suggest tubeless. At worst it will lead to an even longer rant and mornings preperations but I can live with that 😉

Haha, you clearly need a spare MTB – and possibly a road bike too.

The sales are on, hurry up.