So far, I’ve tried bouncing my legs up and down and making a “chakka chakka” noise by rubbing my jeans. It seems to irk him a bit but he hasn’t said anything so its obviously not enough.

What else can I do to wind him up?

send him a link to this thread?

Put his stapler in jelly.

sniff?

Well you have posted about him on the internet but maybe you should add a picture of him in a dress. Assuming it’s a male colleague. Oddly posting a picture of a lady in trousers rarely provokes the same type of reaction.

One or more of these.

humming annoying songs that get stuck in your head, ‘why do birds suddenly appear….’ is a safe bet.

Turn the volume up on his PC and/or phone when he’s away from his desk.

Next time he leaves his desk, do that thing that rotates the image on the monitor.

Do what my nearest colleague does and repeatedly talk to yourself loud enough to put them off what they are doing.

Drives me **** insane.

Turn up the volume on your PC, so whenever you get to the end of a document or do something wrong he gets to hear the annoying windows 2 tone piano exclamation sting. Then do it several times in a row, then constantly do it and sing along, then ask him to join in.

I work at home on my own.

I’ve found that I can cause myself hours of fruitless time wasting simply by forgetting where I’ve put half my possessions.

Clap and then rub your hands together furiously everytime you’re about to start a new e-mail…

Put Radio 1 on, that always winds me up when my colleague does it.

Clap and then rub your hands together furiously everytime you’re about to start a new e-mail…

Whilst saying quietly “Right, who’s next …..”

Go for a fag break every 20 minutes so that you can keep the office smelly .
Complain that you can’t give up ,but wish that the shelter outside was closer to the office.

paint your nails with nail varnish, that always smells nice when someone’s having lunch. Ask everyone what they think of the colour and then tell them how much it was and where you bought it, as if they care.

Talk over him, shout when you’re on the phone while he’s trying to concentrate, wait until he gets out of his chair and then get up a second later and walk right across his path so he has to stop. If he starts talking to you wander off half way through his sentence or start a conversation with someone else

Generally disrespect and disregard him

From my experience these things are really annoying 👿

Do you have a dictaphone?

My “style” is to walk around my office dictating lengthy letters and memos in a slightly flamboyant way. This keeps my trainees suitably cowed.

🙂

Next time he leaves his PC unlocked, go into Word autocorrect options and set up a rule to correct “the” to “the f***ing” Sweary and grammatically correct. He might not catch all of them.

Talk loudly about how many “burpees” you did at boot camp last night, as if you are the first person to ever exercise in the history of the world.

Hmmm maybe I need to change my colleagues.

This should inspire you: http://theoffice.wikia.com/wiki/List_of_Jim’s_pranks

Wait ’til he leaves for work and break into his house through an unlocked back door?

Do you have a dictaphone?

No, I use my finger.

Sorry, I’ll be quiet now.

Transport him to my office where he has to listen to fn bagpipes all day!

I like the summer but why does it bring all the fn tourists to Edinburgh and encourage the tartan bag torturers?

Transport him to my office where he has to listen to fn bagpipes all day!
I like the summer but why does it bring all the tourists to Edinburgh and encourage the tartan bag torturers?

eh? it’s March.

Amateur.

Have a read through this (though it’s not just colleagues). Genuinely LoL at his site but I would hate to have to deal with him!

http://www.27bslash6.com/

lol@ The three staff members working the day I purchased the gloves, who I will refer to as Fatty, Tatooey and Fuzzy for identification purposes, seemed rather annoyed by my interruption of their ‘sitting in a chair looking cool’ time.

http://www.27bslash6.com/f4s.html
ace site, thanks crell.