..Went for a road spin yesterday. Approaching a traffic-calming island where the road narrows to a single vehicle width i had the misfortune to be forced off the road by an idiot in a range rover. He got a mouthful & the obligatory hand gestures.
Of course he then slams on the brakes so i went around to remonstrate with him, already shouting "have you got ******* eyes?" as i approached.

The bloke in the drivers seat was not just big, not just fat but obscenely obese. Obese to the point of spilling over onto the passenger seat.

I started laughing, said "No wonder you need all that room you fat c***!"

He told me to "shut the **** up", i replied "what're you gonna do – eat me?" & carried on laughing at him.

He drove off in a huff.

I'm a bad person for mocking someone's disability now.

that is very funny……………. 😆

That is funny. Fat people are jolly, so an obese person would definitely see the funny side.

If you're for real then you can't be a deity!

*bows down in worship regardless*

Thing is, i was raging with anger when i approached the car & was fully expecting a big argument & possibly even a fight. When i saw him i just cracked up for some strange reason, all the anger disappeared & i felt a bit giddy!

Must have been the adrenaline wind-down after the shock of having a bloomin' great vehicle actually physically push me off the road.

I laughed 😆

You never know your outburst may have done the bloke a favour he might go home and consider a diet (but I doubt it)

"what're you gonna do – eat me?"

Genius, absolute genius. I can only think of insults like that 10 minutes later.

😀

Best thing i have read today, me and the wife are sat here giggling… "Eat me" ffs!

PP – me too, i'm amazed i could actually come out with something like that!
Must have been the fright he gave me 😆

Genius, absolute genius. I can only think of insults like that 10 minutes later.

I'm usually throwing my bike through their windscreen or smashing their face into the side of the door to think up such quality witicisms!

Obese people do get it from me though. Because I know there's no chance of them catching me. 😀

Genius, absolute genius. I can only think of insults like that 10 minutes later.

I reckon he did too. 😛

There was actually a bit more swearing involved from both of us but i get bored of typing ****** all the time!

I can only think of insults like that 10 minutes later.

Same here. "l'esprit d'escalier"

That is pure comedy genius 😆

First thing that has made me laugh properly since watching The Hangover!!!

This works equally well in reverse..

I was best mates with an overweight kid at secondary school…

we were wading into a scrap one evening with some lads from the school down the road… and my mate comes charging past me in full braveheart mode pointing out this one cocky looking fella and screaming full bloodedly.. 'I'm gonna f***ing EEEAAAT YOOOOUUUU…!!!!!!'

The cocky fella turned white.. turned tail.. and headed for the hills…

I cracked up there and then and took a good wack in the eye as a result.. I still couldn't stop laughing..
good times

That's hilarious!!

I think it's particuarly funny because he was driving a Range Rover. Please tell me it was a shiny, expensive new one, that would be the cream on top!

Well it was shiny, they're all expensive aren't they?

No idea what model/year 'cos i know sod all about cars!

I'm usually throwing my bike
through their windscreen or
smashing their face into the side
of the door to think up such
quality witicisms!

Oh please….

lol

great 🙂

you win today's happy post. Top work!

I'd love to be able to say such a thing 🙂

Oh please….

Why of course! There you go.

Thanks for being so polite. 🙂

First time I've felt sorry for a prick in a range rover, but despite the fact it is very funny, and despite the fact I would have probably done something similar (if not as witty) myself, I can't help it. He was probably really upset and had to go home and comfort himself with some pies.

I had a good one once in a park in Bristol.

Just finished a trail and exited onto a path. I was with a few other riders but they were behind a bit and out of sight.

There was a bunch male youths and youthettes. One of them decided to say after I rode by "do you want a bum ?".

I stopped and went back and asked him what he said again…. silence. Then eventually he said it again.

I then answered…"No thank you. but however, you do look like a homosexual"

Upon that all his mates around started laughing at him… he sloped off to find a bum elsewhere I'm sure 🙁

Maybe he was just being nice and asking you if you wanted a bun. And had a slight speech impediment.

And you humiliated him in front of all his friends. 😳

Superb. I always think of stuff like that like an hour later when I've calmed down.

My finest quip was in Les Gets a couple of years ago when we were outside a bar in town having a few beers when a group of lads approached the front door and pausing as they walked past us, their head honcho, with a face like a bulldog gnawing on a nettle, turned to us and ased "is this the gay bar ?"

I replied "it f*****g is now"

Thankfully they all fell about laughing and we ended up drinking & having a laugh with em.

If he was a fat ****, he might of been asking for a bun 😉

"No thank you. but however, you do look like a homosexual"

"is this the gay bar ?"

I replied "it f*****g is now"

My there's some sharp witted folks on this forum. 😕

@grum

tell us your then?

I once said to someone 'you are gay'. They were gay.

your lucky he didnt eat you!

Or maybe they did… ❓ ❗

top story muddydwarf.

As they say on the intemernet, 'I proper LOLed'. 😆

i feel sorry for the fat guy he probably went home to hang himself

Not meaning to put a damper on all this fun and pi$$ and i did at first snigger slightly at you actions.

I wonder if he's happy with his obesity or whether his size and the reason he has gotton that big has made him depressed, possibly really depressed.

What if he'd just been insulted like that before he got to you and was so upset he was distracted, what if he was even more upset by your comments and drove off up the road even more distracted by the cruelness of your words and hit another cyclist, pedestrian, child, etc.

Perhaps even he's on the edge of despair because of his uncontrollable weight gain and you've driven him to do something to stop his mental suffering.

Were you both technically forced off the road, who's right of way was it?

It matters not really, if he was at fault fair enough, he was being a careless twonk, rage aside, a simple, " did you not see me, could you please be a little more careful in future, you almost made me crash.

Well lets hope he is just a fat man without a health condition that makes him who he is. And not a potential risk to himself and others brought on by the arrogance of others.

Sorry to come across this way, but having been suicidal, depressed and feeling crap about myself, it was made worse by peoples stupid ill timed comments.

There's enough cruelty in the world and sadly alot of it stems from the lack of that simple thing.
Respect.

So sad.

Sharki.

Funniest thread for quite a while, trouble is, there are several women at work who are huge, and I'm afraid I'm going to have the 'what are you going to do, eat me?' quote pop into my head and start giggling inappropriately. I'd have never thought of that at the time. Genius.

All very worthy and that Sharki, and you make a very fair and valid point. But if someone's just almost killed me, then I'm afraid they will feel my full wrath. If they happen to be fat, then I dare say that will be used as a weapon against them. Although I suppose I might moderate my abuse if it seems clear that they may indeed have a health problem they have little or no control over. If they're just a lazy lard arse, then they will get both barrels I'm afraid.

You should hear what I say to Black and Brown people. 😯

No Sharki's right actually. We shouldn't allow our prejudices to be used as a weapon of hate. Abuse the person, but leave their colour/race/religion/sex/gender/sexuality/shape/size out of it.

It's very difficult to do that in the heat of the moment though? You're desperately looking for a weapon, and their size/colour/sex etc is perhaps the first thing that springs to mind. It's wrong though.

Nup. If the above situation is recounted truthfully, they deserve it from both barrels. I can see why elfin has recanted his previous statement, but given the earlier response, credibility is lost.

Large Iranian in a Vogue runs you off the road, you say; "What you gonna do, bomb me?"

If the line is in your head, you'll say it.