Finally, family went off to bed so I could return to this exciting resurgence of interest in cycling browsing for The Bike.

Equipped with newly burning hole in pocket I retreated to the poobicle (no windows, no light) with (iPad in hand) momentarily for an undisclosed aeon.

So sitting there with (unknown to self) my right elbow bearing down on leg above right knee. I finish sitting (literally can’t remember achieving passage of anything other than time), remove elbow from leg, fold iPad, and make as if to stand up.

Firstly, my right foot feels like a gigantic hovercraft-pillow-marshmallow thing. Can’t feel it when go to walk.

Fall forward and catch self by against wall. iPad survives.

Walk a timid step, left foot ok, right foot still very weird. As approaching kitchen the foot is tapping left and right, as if testing the way ahead, like a blind-mans stick. It feels a little less marshmallowy. It still feels weird. Like it wants to lift up and fly away, can’t tell if foot is soft or ground has turned to rubber.

Then it feels suddenly hard* on the floor, and I realise it has gone back to normal.

*The reason (I then discover) that it now feels hard is because the left croc slipper is still on the left foot. The right foot must have involuntarily ejected said croc slipper when it was playing silly buggers.

Bunch of bastards, all of them.

Best chop both feet off just in case. Don’t use the bread board.

Sounds like the z virus, you’ll be hungry for brains next.

Did you join an new online group?
Sounds like club foot.

That’s a long story to tell us ‘I got a dead leg’.

Who did you get the dead leg from? Is it human or animal!?

Alien foot syndrome–report back when you’ve Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb 🙂

Woohoo, I thought I was the only one!

Update: tonight I actually fell. Well sort of dropped like a sack, banging left upper arm on bogdoorframe, and then forehead on facing corridor wall.

Lying on carpet typing this. Think am laughing. Could be like crying but laughing instead. Could be mid-life crisis. Raiding fridge to calm down. Need an mtb in my life again. A younger model maybe.

You leave those young models alone.

^Now have a (much) younger model and I pee in the garden instead of poobicle. iFoot is a thing of the past. Along
with smoking. #lovinglivingagain