She has a passcode set up on her iphoneNot too sure how I'd react in your position OP but I certainly wouldn't be able to put up with this kind of behaviour.
Do you love her enough to either deal with this or keep putting up with it? If so then sounds like relate or something would be a good idea, or bring it all to a head and put a stop to it. If not then this must surely be the tip of the iceberg and perhaps you should get out.
Do you have kids? This would obviously complicate things enormously.