What would it say?

[video]https://youtu.be/C1LonOHpGa4[/video]

Get off me, you fat b******d !

Sorry.

*moves*

“Why have you forsaken me…?”

“What does that skinny road bike have that I don’t? 😥 ”

Nice shoes?

tidy the garage you lazy sod.

“I’m wasted with you……”

Why am I rotting under a tarpaulin?

Why don’t you let your wife ride me?

It’s not me that can’t ride over those obstacles, you wimp.

Get off me you fat oaf!

Followed by is that all you’ve got, and you’re useless!

Give me a nice warm bubble bath! Even if it’s just once a year.

Call an ambulance, immediately!

Wash your arse, ya dirty Hallion

(Too much?)

Just realised my missed opportunity.

I should have gone back to change bike to wife in the title after 14mins59.

😆

The roadie would say “oi, why don’t you love me anymore, you don’t ride me, you’ve left me clean and sparkling hanging up for 8mths now… I’m thinking of getting a divorce”
The CXer would say “hello dirty bouy, fancy a bit of dusty/muddy action? Or are we going to run away together on that 5day NCN route bash you’ve promised me??”

“You clean me, polish me, oil me and repair me. Any chance you could stop farting”.

Fixie – Am I only allowed to go out in the rain? And why do I only go from home to Birmingham?
MTB – Hi, hello there, can you hear me? Is there anybody out there?
Road bike #1 – Does it ever rain? Do you always ride this fast? I’m your favourite aren’t I?
Road bike #2 – You know I’m your oldest friend right? So why don’t we hang out any more?
Cargo bike – A weeks worth of shopping? is that all you’ve got? I’m so much stronger than that!

get off yah fat bastard!

My saddle would say ‘stop using me to scratch your arse!’

Clean me, for the love of god please clean me

Just stays quiet, then when I take it out (whichever bike, it matters little), just before I hoik a leg over, lets out a resigned sigh of disappointment. A bit like a jaded partner, in a marriage they want out of but the other half is really smitten, just before the weekly furious, but ultimately joyless sex.

One day I’ll be good/fast/fit enough to give them an earth shattering ride that will leave them speechless

Pedal harder you fat ****

Can I go back to Verbier, I much prefer the trails and weather there.

“sorry….have we met?”

Man up.

Get those skinwalls tae Phuket.

Pick me! Pick me! Well I imagine that’s what they would all say as I enter the bike cave.

Trike would say “it’s been a while”.

You’ve been with ‘her’ again haven’t you? I can smell her lube. Buy me new stuff.

Wheeeeee!

I won’t dissolve in the rain, you geet soft pudding, so pull your actual self together and take me out for a ride.

You’re going to embarrass me again, aren’t you….

“You wouldn’t have blinked at that 7 years ago.”*

*Spoken in the accent of 60-year-old welder from Halifax.

teasel – Member
“Why have you forsaken me…?”

This

Who the hell are you?

XC Race bike – COME ON WE NEED TO GO FASTER! SPRINT SPRINT SPRINT!
XC/Enduro/Fun bike – yo man you know you could like jump me every so often… i mean I won’t mind.
Road bike 1 – That was fast… I mean I could have gone faster just saying
Road bike 2 – I ho I ho its off to work we go… wait why are you riding the long way again… you should really ride the others more than me, I am the cheapest and heaviest out of the lot.

Eh, look at the time. You should be working.

And

Mouldy skinwalls are not a good look. Nobody was impressed when they were clean, and now they are covered in stans-fed mould. Get them off.

Could you put me back together please?

Let go of the brakes

Trust me

If I squeal, I’m telling to stop spraying that crap over me