No two ways about it , it will get worse, it will be messy and she will end up home. Better ASAP than in a year. The end result will be the same but the process and the fall out will be much worse if you delay. Nicely but rapidly send her home with finance according to your ability and then conscience.

Out of the frying pan & into the fire ..
She has only been with you for three months and she is already unhappy ?
I really think you know what you have to do ..and just need confirmation .
She needs to see that she has to go back home for both of your sakes ..and that of her daughter.
It’s been a big mistake ..its messy ..but things are only going to get worse.

Dropping back into this thread after what seems like a lifetime…

Things have improved immensely. We had a very hard talk the week after this discussion, and it worked out well. She saw a doctor, got some anti-depressants, had a bit of therapy, got a medical deferral of her college course, has got into a routine with getting back to the US to see her kid, has taken up a new sport and met loads of new people. Her stuff arrived and she’s settled into our home much better.  We’ve got a lawyer she trusts working on the child custody and a court date for getting that settled so we should hopefully have the kid here in the autumn, or at least know where we stand. We have worked hard on communicating better and checking in on one another.

She is much happier and much healthier. I’m much happier. We’re getting married next week. It’s going to be OK. 🙂

For those asking (reasonably enough) – she’s white American, well educated, a few years older than me. Cultural differences are potayto, potahto although their food is bizarre.

Really glad to hear it has all worked out for you both. Best of luck for the future

For those asking (reasonably enough) – she’s white American, well educated, a few years older than me. Cultural differences are potayto, potahto although their food is bizarre.

Being married to one of these too, this all sounds like behaviour within the spectrum of normal. Although fortunately mine’s at the easier living end of the spectrum.

Good luck, and congratulations!