I’d sooner repeatedly slam my plums in a kitchen drawer

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  • I’d sooner repeatedly slam my plums in a kitchen drawer
  • Valentine’s Day. Never done it, never will.

    Hateful, hateful shit. Buy someone flowers on a wet Tuesday in October because you feel like it. Take them for for dinner on a sunny Thursday in July because it feels like a good idea. Do the duvet disco with them at half six on a Saturday morning, because you can. Tell them you love them whenever you want to because, well, you love them.

    Not this shit, though.

    fossy
    Member

    You’d be a dead man if you forgot though !

    IHN
    Member
    nealglover
    Member

    Don’t do it then.

    Premier Icon Ming the Merciless
    Subscriber

    Agreed. Contrived rubbish.

    postierich
    Member

    Agreed and Wifey agrees

    P-Jay
    Member

    You can keep your negativity to yourself – for some of us married Chaps it’s one of the few chances for a mid-week leg-over we get.

    Jamie
    Member

    I feel OP has fancy slow closing runners on his kitchen drawers. As such, slamming one’s plums in them, while somewhat impactful, would be fairly pleasurable.

    Premier Icon bigblackshed
    Subscriber

    for some of us married Chaps it’s one of the few chances for a mid-week leg-over we get.

    FTFY

    I’m on bloody night shift until Friday, when the wife goes away for the weekend. Someone’s getting lucky, but it won’t be me.

    I’m going to my girlfriend’s for a slube night.
    This involves filling a bathtub with water, adding a powder and turning the water into sex lube. Then getting in, having sex, doing forward rolls and laughing a lot.
    Supposedly pizza too but not sure about the order there

    deadlydarcy
    Member

    Yet you’re happy for your employers to make money selling millions of cards for this special day. You great stinking hypocrite. 😃

    Premier Icon bikebouy
    Subscriber

    Got to agree with CFH on this.

    What a media driven drivel of a day.

    Love yourself, snog your partner, hug your family’s..

    Love is for giving.

    😍😘🤩🤪

    Premier Icon bikebouy
    Subscriber

    Jamie wins the retort.. 👍☄️

    Another money making day. We have Valentines day every day in this house, no cards/chocolates & all the fancy shite, just a bit of love & affection.
    I know she loves me & she knows I love her.
    (wer’e both 61 so wev’e done all that crap)

    Mister P
    Member

    “Love yourself, snog your partner, hug your family’s..”

    Hug your family’s what?

    Premier Icon Drac
    Subscriber

    Can’t say we’ve ever bothered, we buy each other a humours car though just to keep people in not so fancy shoes.

    Premier Icon binners
    Subscriber

    I’m not angry Flashy, i’m just dissapointed

    *bursts into tears*

    emsz
    Member

    I love valentines. It’s fabby. Mostly as I always remember and she always forgets, and I get to watch her run about in a bit of a panic, which makes me laugh.

    Revenge Valentines…It’s the way forward.

    Binners,

    0630hrs, Saturday morning. Your face or mine?

    Premier Icon matt_outandabout
    Subscriber

    Valen-what now?

    Premier Icon bearnecessities
    Subscriber

    Valen-what now?

    Valen-what is the day before valen-whine, where folk make comment about what a con valentines day is, before declaring how happy they are during the year that they don’t need to participate in such blatant marketing drivel. I mean, have you seen how much they hike up the price of flowers?!

    The wife doesn’t care either apparently, but deep down you know it would be nice to buy her something on that day so she can join in with the event; sure you hate the day but you love her, so here’s big ol’ bunch of roses and a card love. But NO! Don’t join,you’ll be a fool to the marketing con!

    ..and then spend many thousands of pounds on a thing to sit on and pedal because it has mildy different geometry, or £1k on fancy led day-running lights and £500 on a laptop to look at BBC news.

    Meh 🙂

    FunkyDunc
    Member

    If it wasn’t for the text that M&S sent Mrs FD and I we would have been oblivious to it

    Premier Icon Drac
    Subscriber

    Or a watch or even pen.

    Premier Icon garage-dweller
    Subscriber

    CFH you need to find the Simpsons Trash of the Titans episode on YouTube or NetFlix or something. It all centres around the environmental impact of “love day”. That’ll cheer you up tomorrow (maybe!).

    Egregious gender facism and fiscal manipulation by the phalloplutocrats, subjugating their diminutives into thrusting what little disposable seedcorn they can muster into the pockets of the familiars.

    Got the missus some tulips.

    pirahna
    Member

    I think this Valentines day is going to be like all the others. She get home from work and says she hasn’t bought me a card then makes sure I haven’t bought one for her. I have of course, I always do. The card will be on the kitchen worktop when she gets up in the morning, she feels guilty and buys me a card in the day. We’ve been going through this routine for 35 years.

    wiggles
    Member

    Bit of a weird one this year as been seeing someone for a few weeks and not sure what the etiquette is…

    Last few years were in a long term unhappy relationship with so minimum effort cheap flowers and card was easy.

    sweepy
    Member

    I don’t know what the problem is. Pop into tesco, get card flowers and chocolates and its easy brownie points, I don’t even have to think. And I can’t go wrong cos no matter how shit it all is, it will be more than she’s done for me. And thats ok cos I don’t really care, all I wanted was the easy brownie points.

    wrightyson
    Member

    I bought Mrs ws some champagne, I like champagne, especially whilst sitting 8n the dirty sex pool, plus it was on offer due to above mentioned day. It’s a win win really. Love you all x

    Premier Icon rOcKeTdOg
    Subscriber

    Got pancake day & valentines day mixed up this year. Hot fat stings a bit!

    pandhandj
    Member

    It’s our 11th wedding anniversary on the 17th and my birthday on the 24th. In 2008, Mrs pandhandj forgot valentine’s, anniversary and birthday all in the space of 10 days.

    Thats a lifetime of ammunition for me 🙂

    Premier Icon Drac
    Subscriber

    Yeah but the maple syrup makes it worthwhile.

    hodgynd
    Member

    Hell yeah ..(to the day .. not slamming my plums in the kitchen drawer)

    I’m often told that I’m the most unromantic person in the world ..and despite the hype / cost and whatever other negativity you can think of ..this day seems to matter to my good lady and for that reason I’m in..

    She already knows that I love her ..but if the card , flowers ( tulips ..not roses) & bottle of bubbly reaffirm that and make her happy ..then I’m happy too 💘

    Premier Icon Sandwich
    Subscriber

    Cap’n the NHS will do a vasectomy under local if you don’t want any more kids. Using the kitchen cabinet drawers is not necessary.

    joshvegas
    Member

    Roses are red

    Succulents are odd

    Cheer the **** up

    You miserable sod.

    Premier Icon Rusty Spanner
    Subscriber

    A nice card, a bottle of 15 year old Dalwhinnie and extra pudding.

    I see no problem.

    Got the missus some tulips.

    Hoping for the same in return?

    Thanks for the heads up totally forgot!!

    Premier Icon wallop
    Subscriber

    I always get two cards on Valentines Day.

    It’s my birthday! 😎

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