Im so bloated if someone stuck a pin in my belly I’d go zipping round the room like one of those noisy balloons :/

Is it self induced? Can I hear the pitter, patter of tiny feet?

No tiny feet but you are the third person to say that to me today! Does everyone know something I don’t?! It’s more likely a mixture of mother natures finest work heading my way and bulmers crushed red berry cider 😀

new job as whoopee cushion?

Parp

?
[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iX7Yt0D4NEg[/video]

I really do need to parp. Be kinda like a whoopy noise too

But ladies don’t fart, surely*

(*apart from those farts, obviously)

What queefs?

has your pole been connected to a compressed air system and its like one of those air hockey games, meaning loads of air is getting forced through the steel into your skin

random I know, just a thought….

queef…. brilliant