and no one in the family is religious.

what has this got to do with death?

tell her that granma’s life ended. don’t fill her head with stories of heaven.

I explained to our 4 year old about her pet chicken dying (put down, had an infected leg that would not heal) and not being around anymore, nothing about heaven etc. She took it very calmly.

a week later whilst shopping she starts to tell me that dora (the chickens name) had her feathers taken off and her feet and placed on a shelf.

kids don’t really care/understand that much tbh, just don’t tell some confusing lie.

I’m not religious either but I don’t think the heaven option for very young children is such a bad option. It’s a perfectly viable alternative that gives millions comfort at times like this. When they are older then they will make their own decisions. Forcing your beliefs either way is a bad thing and telling them heaven doesn’t exist is just as bad or even worse imho. So as far as my two were told, my wife’s Dad died and went to heaven before they were born.

Now my eldest is seven, we’ve modified a bit and she understands heaven is not a physical place that living people can visit. Instead when you are alive it’s a place in your imagination where all the people (and pets, even fish) that you have loved but have died go to spend the rest of time but they are healthy and happy and as old or young as they want to be, so we can remember them when they were at their happiest.

They fully understand that life is a temporary thing. I do wish they wouldn’t ask my Dad when he’s going to die though (he takes it quite well, tbh)

Both my parents died when i was younger, so my kids have never known grandparents on my side,my wifes parents live in the same village and my girls love and adore them,we have pics of my folks in the house and the kids know all about them i’ve never avoided telling them the truth about them being dead and they have accepted it no problem it’s the only way to do it
Al

Kids have no problem at all with death. It’s adult that do.

Just tell her.

theotherjonv – Member
I’m not religious either but I don’t think the heaven option for very young children is such a bad option. It’s a perfectly viable alternative that gives millions comfort at times like this.

Except that small kids don’t need reassurance about death, they are asking for the truth.

See this:

5thElefant – Member
Kids have no problem at all with death. It’s adult that do.

I agree – it’s you (theotherjonv) who was trying to soften the blow by introducing heaven.

It’s got nothing to do with making me feel better, I’m just not making their decisions for them and waiting until they are old enough to make the judgement themself.

Whatever your beliefs, telling your children there is no heaven just because you don’t believe in it is as wrong as making them believe in it because you do. For now as a concept (a place in our imagination where we can remember people rather than a physical place just above the clouds) it is just fine. The fact it’s called heaven is a convenience, but bringing children up in a Christian country and at a CoE school, it’s the mainstream opinion and in that respect; yes, it’s easier to go with the flow until they are old enough to understand that it’s a choice they have to decide on.

Having read some of the other posts though – death is far worse for the people left behind so if it gives comfort at this time to those people, OK. But I do like the answer – can you remember what it was like before you were born….. and may well use that when that question arises.

One other comment; in respect of just like falling asleep or even if you euthanase a pet ‘putting to sleep’ are definite avoid phrases. One of my wife’s friends had the tragic situation where she was awoken by her then 3yo coming in to them as he often did in the morning but today complaining that he couldn’t wake Daddy up. Daddy had had SDS in the night. A well meaning relative told the boy he’d fallen into a deep sleep that he wouldn’t wake up from – the child is 7 now and still has panic attacks frequently at bedtime in case he too falls into too deep a sleep

Whatever your beliefs, telling your children there is no heaven just because you don’t believe in it is as wrong as making them believe in it because you do.

You can believe in heaven, but you can’t ‘not believe’. If something doesn’t exist it doesn’t exist. No belief needed. Belief is only needed for fiction.

Balls. No-one’s proved to me either way. Therefore I can be extremely sceptical that there is actually a place called heaven [as opposed to a concept], but until it’s proven one way or another I can say i don’t believe there is but I don’t know for sure

Heaven as a concept does exist – because there’s enough people that believe it to make that so.

Same as Father Christmas. I don’t believe in him either but to my daughters he is as real as you and me.

“Not believing in x” and “thinking (or even knowing) people who believe in x are wrong” are so close to being the same thing that the semantics are pretty much indistinguishable.

Try explaining that to a small child.

“Not believing in x” and “thinking (or even knowing) people who believe in x are wrong” are so close to being the same thing that the semantics are pretty much indistinguishable.

I disagree.

“all the families she knows are the traditional two parents and 2 kids model so she knows something is missing”

What the hell are you on about? What is missing?

My Dad died when I was 25(7yrs before I had kids) and 4 yrs before me and MrFC had kids.
Our kids did not ask about dead relatives..in my experience it’s not what kids do.

It’s a perfectly viable alternative that gives millions comfort at times like this. When they are older then they will make their own decisions. Forcing your beliefs either way is a bad thing and telling them heaven doesn’t exist is just as bad or even worse imho. So as far as my two were told, my wife’s Dad died and went to heaven before they were born.

If you tell your child anything other than I dont know you are giving her a belief to start of with so it is an argument that can be used against you. You also told her something you dont personally believe. I dont see how this has helped them find their own truth tbh.

No-one’s proved to me either way. Therefore I can be extremely sceptical that there is actually a place called heaven [as opposed to a concept], but until it’s proven one way or another I can say i don’t believe there is but I don’t know for sure

you can say that for a multitude of silly suggestions [ in fact anything untrue ] as you cannot prove an negative. you cant prove invisible fairies dont exist etc. It is far more sensible to speak of what you can prove* rather than what you cannot prove to be untrue as that is a very long list. As father christams shows tell your kid a lie and they will believe it
* I mean this in the sense a lay person says proof.