Short of welding it into a tallbike smearing it in excrement?
A mate’s just had his bike nicked and is wondering how to make the next (cheap) one look as unattractive as possible.
I was thinking of taping on some flock wallpaper, but I guess you can peel that off to see what’s underneath
Any suggestions? What’s the most gopping colour combo?
Best I've seen other than ensuring it doesn't look too new is to get a couple of cans of spray paint in nasty/clashing colours (eg brown and pink) and then paint the whole bike (including tyres, chain, transmission, saddle etc) with it - looks really crap and pretty much destroys and chance of resale and hence any point in stealing it. Also has the benefit of not actually affecting function at all.
Wrap it in gaffer tape (this makes it pretty much worthless to a thief, as removing the gaffer tae tends to remove the paint as well)
Spray pink, tassle and get a logo created "GAY BIKES"
Best I've seen other than ensuring it doesn't look too new is to get a couple of cans of spray paint in nasty/clashing colours (eg brown and pink) and then paint the whole bike (including tyres, chain, transmission, saddle etc) with it - looks really crap and pretty much destroys and chance of resale and hence any point in stealing it. Also has the benefit of not actually affecting function at all.
like this you mean?
Not quite what I had in mind but much the same effect actually 
I actually mean literally spraying the whole bike while in one piece to ensure that it's covered, not taking it apart and spraying it in bits which would look like the one above... Fakengers, eh 
lots of 3m tape, looks crap but is highly reflective too, so a safety option too.
oh and drop bars, going from comments on here, any mtb is more attractive than any drop bar racer type bike.....
mismatched touch up paint (white on black on mine)
mudguards
z1ppy, might have been true once but now fixies are fashionable it's not such a sure fire way to deter them. I bet the LFGSS forums have their share of distraught hipsters bemoaning the loss of their "whip".
As above, just make it look distinctive and preferably shit. Mine is covered in wood-effect Fablon which was surprisingly easy to do, and a complete swine to peel off. Also keep it filthy, scratch up any nickable components like stems and seat clamps, stick stickers on it, replace QRs with Pitlocks and lock it up with a beefy D-lock.
Drop bars do the trick.
Mine's covered in black PVC tape, then hasn't been washed for the last 5 years. Once it's locked up with other bikes in a black rack it pretty much vanishes - certainly I've had to *look* for it more than once, even when I know where it should be.
Write On-One on the down tube?
'Specialized' would also work equally well.
Put drop bars on it
Drop bars do the trick.
As said above, no they don't. Not on their own, anyway.
that looks quite stealable stoner lol
I hope that thing does not belong to you Jo.
My city bike is covered in stickers, is 64cm, had the wheels secured with security squers. It lives with a big D lock on it and I still had the saddle and seat post nicked.
Secure everything!
get a couple of cans of spray paint in nasty/clashing colours (eg brown and pink)
Any particular reason for choosing those two colours Clubber? 
Maybe its a choice he often contemplates...
No comment Mr_A
(OK, I saw an example of what I was suggested painted up in those colours and it did look properly gopping. The owner may well have had his own smutty reasons...)
Fit components without names. No name stems, bars, seatpost, etc. I found black electrical taping over the decals works, and after its baked in the sun and had some rain on it its a pain in the a*se to remove. Slick cheap tyres if its a mountainbike, basic V brakes, singlespeed, no shiny shiny parts. Chavs are like magpies, they like shiny things. As someone said replace QR's with allen key bolted things, same on the seatpost. Also, keep your brakes tight, so tight that even if they do undo the allen key bolt QR's they cant undo the brakes to get the wheel out. Its all extra time that may make them give up. Big thick D locks tends to work, but also gives it the impression its worth nicking. I tend to find a thickish cable and motorbike disk brake lock (looks like a tiny D lock) works well and is more flexible. Finally, dark plain colours are best. Dark browns, blues and blacks. Bright colours are the fashion (as above) and instantly draw attention to it.
Thieves have allen keys too. If you want to ride something with nice wheels or a lovely saddle, splash out on some Pitlocks:
Get some of that cloth double sided tape and cover the frame. It collects all sorts of nasty things....and repels others!
My rat bike has a veneer of filth and dust covering knackered paint, flaking chromed forks, 700c wheels, shonk-o-guards and old crit bars sans bar tape. nae gears. No visable logos or anything
buy a specialized in the first place
Put Halfords stickers on it....
Brilliant.
Good point about dark, anonymous colours, but I'm quite excited by the idea of laying the bike down, and spraying nasty stripes across the whole bike, wheels, spokes, tyres and all, so once every wheel revolution, everything lines up.
Just thought: someone must have done radial rainbow wheel discs, so they go white if you go fast enough?
Get some of that cloth double sided tape and cover the frame. It collects all sorts of nasty things....and repels others!
Ew. Top tube pubes.
Not sure tape/coverings other than paint would stop me if I was a theif, I'd be pretty sure that a) a bike covered in tape/covering was worthy of hiding in tape and b) I could get the tape off no problem without damage. Painting is an option, but personally I dont want to ride round on a complete sheeeet-tip of a bike.
@nedrapier - youd need to be at about 48km/h for the colours to start merging on a 6-spoke disk on an MTB wheel!
Mudguards, rack, v brakes, ripped saddle, electrical tape the logos, singlespeed, spds, keep all but the drivchain tatty. Basically imagine a chav riding a bike he knocked 6 months ago, you want it to look like that. The trick is to keep it riding well.
ck, you'd need 7 segments, surely?
and couldn't you multiply up, with each segment divided up into 7, with every colour in each? Tou'd not have to go so fast then?
Write On-One on the down tube?'Specialized' would also work equally well.
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