So, after my post a few weeks ago about my partner, how I felt things were beyond me and I couldnt cope with her health and other factors, I’ve taken a good hard look at myself. I made a list of traits, things I do, ways I think and compiled them over a few weeks.
I believe I have a bit of a fixer complex amongst being a bit of a perfectionist and introvert. The older I get, the more its developed and I am now keen, on my own and away from any relationship, to address it.
I have always wanted to be needed and not wanted. I dont know how to have a relationship with someone who dosent have any neuroses or physical issues because thats who I pretty much have always been with. I bend over backwards to help, do, offer advice (even if its not needed) cancel plans, and generally sacrifice my own wants or needs, to a certain degree, to do what I feel the other half wants. I always have done this because there is some kind of emotional satisfaction from helping but then I get to a point where I feel frustrated, begrudging and angry when I cannot ‘fix’ the problems or the same thinking isnt applied the other way. I always ask if they are ok, just to make conversation. I simply cannot maintain detachment from certain people’s (mum and partner) emotional or physical issues so I either have very close relationships or I keep people at arms length. Most of my friends would probably class me as an acquaintance instead of a friend, bar a few close mates.
I have made an appointment with a counsellor to talk things over and make sure I’m not barking up the wrong tree. Has anyone ever admitted they are like this or gone through a process of overcoming this type of thinking? Im 28, I dont want to enter my 30’s bouncing from one unhealthy relationship to another always wondering why I cant cope, emotionally destroying it and setting myself up for dissapointment.
