Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 94 total)
  • How to combat feelings of frustration, anger and getting easily wound up.
  • dooge
    Free Member

    Hey all,

    I need some advice. I am thinking I have a problem and I need to get it sorted.

    Since finishing my degree last year, having to move home and carry on with my part time job while looking and applying for more work I just constantly feel frustrated, angry, bitter and snappy. It started having an effect before christmas when I noticed I was grinding my teeth a lot, and have subsequently done minor damage to my teeth. Then I met my girlfriend and had a full xmas of work which I loved (being busy, working, not the job itself) and everything was fine until more recently. I have been cut back to basic 24 hours a week, and have applied to a few jobs only to never get an acknowledgement or interview.

    Recently, I have resorted to the old feelings of being lost, not knowing what to do, which direction to take and with this frustration of being as skint as a student, living out of bag constantly traveling between work, my girlfriends and home (20ish miles away and a pain to commute) and impatience to get out of my overdraft and get on with life.

    I have now started two arguments over absolutely nothing at all with my girlfriend when out drinking and I know its been my fault, but its hard to deal with everything at the moment. She currently is a training nurse undertaking her dissertation and working in a hospice so always has enough on her plate, but helps me when she can.

    Its got to the point where destroyed my phone a few weeks ago, and then I hit a metal bin on Saturday night after another argument braking my scathoid in my right hand meaning I cant ride my bike for 6 weeks at the moment. It also just makes life more difficult again. Ive been trying to write a covering letter using the new Office Word 2007 and I got so angry I almost broke down crying in frustration for having no idea of how to use it.

    I always used to be a rational, happy, normal, realistic person but lately I just feel like a bitter angry individual who is just self destructing everything around him. I know the reasons why, but for the time being how do I just control myself? I know once I find a better paid job that gets me out of debt, allows me to not have to scrimp on everything and means I can move out to start my life I will feel much better, but in the meantime I just seem to be causing problem after problem for myself.

    Im sure plenty have had phases in their life when they feel like this, what have you done to get around it?

    Doug

    Jamie
    Free Member

    Can someone please summarise all that.*

    *Please don't hit me.

    project
    Free Member

    Dooge youre in exactly the same position as a lot of oput there, violence doesnt help,(but it does make you feel better).

    Keep pluging away and something good may happen.

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    TandemJeremy
    Free Member

    One for professional help – counselling might do the trick – to your GP and ask for a referral or self refer if you don't want to go thru your GP.

    sounds to me like the sort of thing that can be helped quite quickly and easily.

    dooge
    Free Member

    Violence towards others is something I have never done and as mad as I ever got, would never do.

    I am going to the GP tomorow for my Exczma so I might have a chat with her aswell.

    deadlydarcy
    Free Member

    You could try beating Jamie up for being so flippant 🙂

    johnners
    Free Member

    Like TJ says. See a professional, nip it in the bud.

    midlifecrashes
    Full Member

    Been there, done that, fortunately without the hitting out bit. Do you need to cut down on the beer? 24 hours work of a week should be enough to put some structure into your week that unemployed folk don't get which sometimes makes this stuff worse. I found volunteer stuff (BTCV, trailbuilding?, charity work) helped a lot to get my head together, together with learning new skills via PC and library. Winter never helps either, but that might be gone by next week. Good luck with it.

    deluded
    Free Member
    grim168
    Free Member

    6 weeks for a scaphoid. You'll be lucky. Mine was 3 months of a job.

    grumm
    Free Member

    Definitely go and see your doctor.

    Some of these might possibly help in the meantime. They are CBT exercises – some people find them very effective.

    http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/consumers.cfm

    mrsflash
    Free Member

    I think you sound like you might be depressed to be honest. I get the teeth grinding thing a lot, it's quite a common symptom, as is feeling lost, flying off the handle etc.

    Agree with advice above, go and see the doc.

    tankslapper
    Free Member

    *Anger Management for Dummies*

    As above seek professional help but reading could help?

    I read the below, recommended to an individual with anger issues and they said it helped, but heh! I'm not a Doctor after all

    *The Tao of Pooh the Te of Piglet*

    (pics link thingy borked!!)

    Jamie
    Free Member

    deadlydarcy – Member
    You could try beating Jamie up for being so flippant

    I would deserve it as well.

    tinribz
    Free Member

    Go Vegan.

    GJP
    Free Member

    I agree with Mrs Flash – it sounds like it could be Depression to me. Frustration, anger, irritability, indecisiveness are all common symptoms of Depression. Some more common in men than women.

    For example, low serotonin in men is associated with anger even violence, in women tearfulness etc.

    I found this yesterday which I found gave perhaps the most comprehensive description of depression symptoms I have seen.

    Depression Symptoms

    dooge
    Free Member

    Cheers gents, all helpful. To be honest, Ive never been a massive drinker. I had 3 pints of cider over 2 hours on Paddys night, and thats when I destroyed my phone. Granted though, Sat night was a different story but its not a regular occurence. Ive never been a big drinker, and normally have been the one to look after others.

    druidh
    Free Member

    Some easy things to try…

    Cut out the alcohol.
    Make sure you're getting enough sleep.
    Exercise regularly.

    tazzymtb
    Full Member

    alternatively you could just take out all your anger and frustration by being a massively egocentric keyboard warrior like some of the STW forumites. It seems to work for them 😉

    coogan
    Free Member

    cinnamon_girl
    Full Member

    It's good that you recognise your behaviour needs addressing. Obviously riding your bike will help, can I recommend a singlespeed as being particularly good at getting rid of angst.

    You do have a lot to deal with by the sounds of it. It's really just a case of changing your mindset. Don't feel like a victim. Take control. Be optimistic.

    Good luck.

    Zoolander
    Free Member

    Shame you are off the bike for a few weeks as a ride can solve most things. When I go a bit darkside I usually get out and ride, go for a really long walk or go for a run. The latter two may be an option for you. Ps I could ride fairly flat trails after about 5 weeks (with a wrist support) when I fractured a scaphoid, so won't be long before you can get some miles in.

    MrNutt
    Free Member

    speak openly with your GP.

    badnewz
    Free Member

    You're under-employed. Try some volunteering, helps get your mind off things and its nice to be nice – brings its own blessings.

    rightplacerighttime
    Free Member

    Do you do any drugs?

    If you do, don't go wasting your GPs time, just stop the drugs and see how you feel in 3 months.

    This might include alcohol.

    I notice you say "when out drinking" – does this imply, when out getting very drunk?

    Maybe try not doing that too. Did you smash up the phone and bin whilst drunk?

    Maybe try AA instead of your doctor.

    MrWoppit
    Free Member

    Speaking from recent experience, dooge, when you've been to the lowest place you can, it kind of levels off a bit into resignation. Sorry I can't be more positive, but you DO have an actual job at the moment. Try and build on that.

    tails
    Free Member

    This might help I was reading in the paper the other day about the footballer Wayne Rooney who alongside being a good player is known for his bad temper.

    They were saying how he has been alot more calm this year, he said he used to box and play football until Everton said he had to give up boxing, in the last year he has taken it up again which coincides with his more mature displays when on the field.

    I would also add that some of the most calm and happy people I know take part in martial arts or some form of fighting.

    Perhaps give it a go, releasing your stress down the gym to leave you happy on a Sat night with your lass. Plus you'll make some new friends.

    Dorset_Knob
    Free Member

    Welcome to the real world. At the risk of sounding unsympathetic, your problems aren't unique and aren't that great.

    Do you think you're the only person in the world who feels 'underemployed' and undervalued? I had those feelings when I was working in menial jobs after leaving college and I have them now I am in a 'senior' position doing a job I love.

    Your problem is, you've got angry after a few beers and now you're wallowing in self-pity.

    Consider those people in the world with real problems, consider how lucky you are, stop drinking if you can't handle it, and get on with life, like everyone else has to.

    But at least you've recognised you have problems coping, which is step 1 in fixing them.

    Do you know what job you want? Have you identified a strategy to get yourself into that job? If you can do that, it will at least give you some positive actions and a plan to work to, instead of drifting from one application to the next.

    molgrips
    Free Member

    Dorset knob, telling someone who may be depressed that they're no different to anyone else and basically mtfu is really not helpful.

    +1 for TJ, get some help. It can really work wonders when you're stuck.

    [OEGGVjWF]
    Free Member

    It sounds as if you're in a deep endless depression.
    The only way I can see you getting out of it is by taking lots of drugs. All at once. You certainly won't be in a deep depression anymore. A deep coma maybe but not a depression.
    Always happy to help.
    Xx

    cynic-al
    Free Member

    Agreed. Telling someone to MTFU is rarely helpful unless it's meaning "you CAN actually overcome this".

    cinnamon_girl
    Full Member

    Some pretty shocking replies there.

    Dorset_Knob and barca2 – I would ask whether either of you have seen someone reach rock bottom due to their depression being ignored? Someone I love experienced this and it got as bad as it gets. To see it happen in front of your eyes – someone in complete and utter turmoil – and not knowing how to help. It's not something you can forget.

    I will always listen to people who are struggling, people from here (some complete strangers) have e-mailed me. It can be easier to open up to someone you have not met and is thus unable to judge you.

    dooge – my e-mail is in my profile.

    grumm
    Free Member

    It sounds as if you're in a deep endless depression.
    The only way I can see you getting out of it is by taking lots of drugs. All at once. You certainly won't be in a deep depression anymore. A deep coma maybe but not a depression.
    Always happy to help.
    Xx

    WTF! Why on earth would you post that? Do you think it's clever to be a really unpleasant person?

    rightplacerighttime
    Free Member

    But medicalising someone's social problems is also unhelpful.

    Giving someone the excuse that they are clinically depressed when in fact they just need to look at the way they live lets them off the hook and does them no favours.

    grumm
    Free Member

    Who appointed you as an expert in the life of someone you've never met?

    I think his GP is in a far better position to assess what the best course of action is than you are. Talking about 'wasting the GPs time' is unhelpful.

    Becoming angry to the point of seriously injuring yourself is a potential indicator that you may well need some help. Drinking may be a symptom of the problem as much as a cause – who knows? Certainly not you.

    molgrips
    Free Member

    Giving someone the excuse that they are clinically depressed when in fact they just need to look at the way they live lets them off the hook and does them no favours

    Is depression always the result of not looking at the way you live? Or is there a deeper condition here?

    I'd think it's a bit rash to make that kind of judgement based on a single post on STW.

    Talkemada
    Free Member

    *Anger Management for Dummies*

    'Anger Management' is bollocks. Yes, you 'manage' the anger, but not actually get to the root of what's causing it. Which sounds like Depression, as MrsFlash has said. Get thissen to a physician.

    Hi-energy sports can be very helpful, in realising a lot of pent-up energy. Intense physical activity can also help to stimulate production of chemicals in the brain, that make you feel happy. Something where you can focus your efforts, set goals/targets to achieve, so your focussing your energy on that, not something else. I've fund weight-training and rowing in the gym to be very helpful and you're too bloody knackered to lash out afterwards! Something repetitive and steady, like swimming, can help you 'zone out', and get into a good comfortable rhythm. And it's good for the body.

    An increase in physical performance can help bring more confidence, which may help you to relax. But there could be underlying things in your subconscious that need addressing. Which is where the Head Doctors come in.

    But medicalising someones social problems is also unhelpful.

    Giving someone the excuse that they are clinically depressed when in fact they just need to look at the way they live lets them off the hook and does them no favours.

    That's an ignorant, outdated and potentially dangerous attitude, that comes more from bosses wanting their workers simply to be productive, than from health care professionals. Stress and Depression are some of the most devastating illnesses in our society, and until recently, have not been given enough attention. As for 'looking at the way they live', whose to do that, then? That's what the doctors and counsellors are there for. The above statement displays the sort of attitude that scares people into not seeking help.

    oldgit
    Free Member

    I had similar issues though at a younger age than you, I wasn't someone you'd want to know…I blame my father whoever he is?

    I got zero help TBH the world then didn't seem to offer much help for this sort of thing, so I had to find my own way. Firstly I avoided any medication.
    In good moments I'd put things into perpective (I still have to do that now) Look at the things you have done and have got including your health.
    I don't set over ambitious targets and I don't gamble or dream about good fortune.
    I drink but not more than a single drink a day, only had a small cider since Christmas. If someone gave me a bottle I'd neck it and suffer.
    The other big issue is taking control of your life and everything in it, never leave issues or things to build up beyond control.
    And ride, it's literally been a life saver for me.

    [OEGGVjWF]
    Free Member

    cinamon girl – yes thanks.
    Full'ish bottle of anti depressants, full'ish bottle of sleeping tablets and half a pack of paracetomal washed down with a can of diet coke. I didn't want to die fat.
    I woke up (rather disapointed and embarrased) in ICU at Stepping Hill Hospital two days later with very blurred vision, raging headache, red raw trachea, black stuff (charcoal I believe) all round my mouth and on the bed sheets and my previously massively abusive Dad sat at the end of the bed in tears.
    Apparently it was between me and God as the kind consultant put it.
    21 years ago. My liver is showing the strain now though.
    The blonde student nurse on her first ward placement at the time became quite a significant person. We got married to each other four years later.
    I'll not forget that.
    Good enough for you?
    Love and kisses
    Xx

    satsoma
    Free Member

    +1 for CBT.

    I had similar problems with anger, lashing out at the people closest to me (especially when I'd been drinking) and CBT helped me to properly deal with everything and learn how to control myself.

    It is AWESOME.

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