I know there is no golden rule, but I wondered how relaxed other people are over this (or not!). Someone has asked me on a date, but has indicated that on former romantic attempts he has expected to see his new girlfriend on most days, indeed has said in the first month of dating he only spent 2 days apart from one girlfriend and he has indicated the most recent only wanted to see him twice a week to start with, which he thinks was 'not enough to get to know her'. I find all this overwhelming and way to full on, so I am going to turn him down as there is no way I can personally cope this level of intensity straight off. I dont really date, not for ages, so is this level of 'being togeather' considered normal these days or is he way too enthusiastic in his love life?

I wouldnt go out with him/non-starter for me based on the above.

he sounds like a total psyco

run … run away

Accept, but say you want to keep it less intense to start with. Perhaps that's why the relationships broke up: too much, too soon.

If he won't accept a gentle start, that's his problem.

If he's looking for a marathon, he shouldn't start with a sprint

Setting out rules before he is even in the relationship – stay well away!!!!

I would say twice a week max, only more if you both very quickly decide you want to see each other more.

So – how many dates before Yellow Pages?

😉

If I were you, I'd clear the kitchen of any saucepans big enough to fit a bunny in.

run away

Sounds like he's just a bit too fixed on his ideas. I always thought that you just see each other as much as you want to.

FWIW, when my wife and I started going out, we saw eachother pretty much every day almost right from the start but that just felt right really, it wasn't exactly a chore (thought it was quite different to what either of us had done in the past so I guess that it was clearly just right 🙂 )

He's just being honest about how he likes relationships to be. You dont think the same way. Walk away. Personally I think it's thinking too much, I'd just take each day as it comes and go with my gut, rather than thinking things over all the time.

I find all this overwhelming and way to full on, so I am going to turn him down

I think you have answered this already, if you are having any doubts at all leave well alone. Your first instincts are usually right. 😉

Why not ask for a bit of role-play. Sounds like he'd go for that. Then ask if you can jump straight to the "married for 10 years with 2 kids" phase of your relationship.

Then he could get his wish: to see you every night. But you'd sit, sullen and exhausted, ignoring each other. Never a word passing between you. You'd probably manage a meal once a year. And best of all: you wouldn't have to have sex with him!

Do I sound bitter?

Do I sound bitter?

that's a very sad story 🙁

Nevermind the 'rules'/discussing freqency so early- part of the magic is the unknown/getting to know- where you learn if you are both on the same wavelength.

Then, there is the talk of previous girlfriends. I would never talk to my new girlfriend about ANY previous girlfriends. Why should I? If I started seeing a girl and she told me about her previous boyfriends I'd politely inform her that its not a starter.

I dont think theres any synergy (again based on your first/limited info).

All the best. BTW, might I say Im devilishly dirty and a real dab hand with flash grenades?

He'd make a perfect partner for Autolec's ex.

he sounds weak, controlling, insecure, and emotionally retarded

but then you knew that already, what with him being male

cashew nuts ?

Sounds an odd approach to me. But hey. (And chuckling at binners. 😀 )

It took you 10 years to get that stage Binners? You did well.

OP. Honestly, if it was me in a new relationship again, I'd see how it goes. I most certainly wouldnt tell her in a Teutonic style what I'd expect from her.

What next? As you are approaching orgasm he says to you 'Mandy, one of my ex's would have come twice as loud by now'.

I'd rate that a 9/10 on the potential stalk-o-metre!

to OP – 'Pull up Pull up' – in best wartime aviator mode

to Mr Binners true – so true ! – I've being doing that phase for a while – what's next ?

Err its been almost 20yrs with me. GF tried to hen peck me recently. The good thing is when you point something out she realises and adjusts. Wish I was the same! 😀

Well, I appreciate the guy was upfront about his hopes/expectations as thats more useful than not being clear and I dont really think people should have to hide thier past (I would rather know), but I feel better from reading these answers that its not just me who thinks he is a bit overwhelming.

He's given you all this information and instruction before even going out with you once?

Weirdo.

Presumably he's really hot or the question would not have been asked ?

He has probably been 'seeing you' for months already.

Check for Bin Ninjas!

I dont think he was giving instructions, just chatting about his past. We were introduced in an odd sort of way so have only spoken by phone. No matter anyway, as I find this way too over the top. I am not going to date him.

Is he a fellow cyclist? No offence guys but some cyclists are quite disfunctional/inept with girls.

I find all this overwhelming and way to full on,

And probably why he is still single. He sounds like one of my mates waaay too clingy.

FWIW Me and my wife worked together when we first got together (thats how and where we got together) so we saw each other daily at work. I also went round to hers most evenings where we would just sit, chill and get to know each other. We probably spent about 5 evenings a week together but it wasn't planned or rigid and pretty relaxed. We both wanted to see each other and it wasn't expected by one and not the other but hoped for by both.

Personally,I've always treated a first date as a gentle introduction to someone,no fixed ideas about the future,some have been intense and led to quickly developing relationships,where you see alot of each other,some haven't,but it's a lttle worrrying that he has such fixed ideas before the first date,I'd be uncomfortable with a person like that.
Ian

midnight, if you are local I could pop round and give you some helpful advice?

I've never heard it called that before Hora.
Ian

Tell him it's fine and you'll see him every day, but only if you can take your 14" strapon each time 👿 😆

No, not a cyclist. I guess he is lonely and so am I, so I cant critisim him for feeling alone and wanting to change it. But I am used to spending lots of time on my own and the thought of suddenly having no space at all and being overwhelmed by enthusiasm… it scares me I guess. I dont see I could (or want!) to fulfil that kind of hope/expectation. He sounds a nice enough bloke – just way too overwhelming. I am not great at romantic encounters myself, so I am not condemming him – I just think it is not what I want. Its already too big a deal.

The previous person who asked me out raised a lot of similar fears in me as he dated anyone at all – internet, personal columns, blind dates all one after the other in a frantic rush – it seemed so indiscrimante that it felt very impersonal that he was interested in me. It was the same sort of 'I want someone with me all the time' feel to it. Maybe they mistake me for the same type, which I am not.

Being lonely is bad news, fix that first. It makes you needy and more likely to get into unsatisfactory relationships.

When I first got together with my wife, we saw each other pretty much every day, but that's because we were at school and they got really knarky if you didn't go in.

SFB's right. I like you SFB. Well your photograph, love of girls bums and sometime-Sage words.

Midnighthour I think you need to assert your feelings abit more about your space and what you like in a relationship otherwise you'll end up compromising.

and Parsley too I hope ?

I have lots of fresh Parsley present in last nights homemade Chicken Stew for lunch.