have been feeling/thinking rather morose thoughts. how much easier would it be to disappear and not have to worry about next week, tax returns, being nice to people, getting old…..

it would certainly avoid the shitstorm-to-come that is the big C question…. namely Children. no **** way do i want kids.

i would be quite happy about slipping off… the only thing that stops me is the thought of my parents coming to terms with the fact that their son didn’t want to continue with the life they gave me and the GF picking up the pieces. (my aunt hung herself a few years back and my mum found her baby sister hanging from the landing….. it sucked.)

that is pretty much all that stops me.

often find myself asking what is the point of it all…? ultimately a pointless exercise, life. you live, you consume, you work, you consume, you reproduce, you die. why not speed up the process?

People love and value you – take that as a starting point. Talk – not just to people online, talk to friends, family, GF, Samarians, whatever, don’t bottle it up.

If you don’t want children, you don’t have to have them. They are fun, but not for everyone. I didn’t want kids, still not sure it was a good idea, but having one certanly made me value life a lot more. But that’s not a good reason to have kids if you don’t want to.

Remember this too will pass. Depression does. It feels black with no way out, but you will pull through this and wonder why you felt the way you did.

i value my wife and children more than i value my own life. as in, i would step in and die rather than one of them doing so.

cheers ben!! (and ton) 🙂

no need for the samaritans…. i’ve just got my bike back to full health.

just find everything a bit pointless at times. maybe a change of scenery is what is needed.

need to get away from people who seem to think i give a **** about their lives.

i’m pretty sure (no… i know) i’ve suffered from depression before and know when i’m not happy.

currently i am happy. i’ve not got a bad life, perhaps too much BS in it, but it ain’t bad compared to some people i know/meet.

i think a new perspective is in order. best get the camper finished so i can f-off for a few months.

Having seen many times over how fragile life is and how quickly and violently it can end I resolve to enjoy as much of it as I can. Time for myself is as important as time for family and friends. I don’t want to regret not having done something when I no longer could do it.

Life’s a bitch and then you die… But do not go gentle into that good night… Rage, rage against the dying of the light

^^nice

to true wolfstein. life is so worth fighting for, never give in, everyone goes through dark periods. illness, loss, divorce, whatever.
but there is far too much to do and see. fight illness, fight depression, and keep on keeping on.

There’s a lot of dead people who would probably wish they weren’t.
The Earth is 4.54 billion years old, your life is but the snuff of a candle extinguished before it has a chance to burn.

Children…. The massive C Word. Need to have that conversation up front. People will spend their time thinking you are broken and a bit weird but hey it’s actually OK and it’s better to decide one way or the other than do it all by mistake or worse out of guilt. Perhaps just getting the snip then enjoying all the trying….

To die tomorrow would mean never riding ‘that trail’, never kissing ‘that girl’, never lazing on ‘that beach’, never having ‘that buzz’, never breathing ‘that mountain air’, never thinking ‘k’inell, I achieved that’, never doing so many things that are still out there to be done. Anything is possible, don’t take the easy ticket to not doing it!

Alpin – your life is precious to us.

Get help.

Call Samaritans/GP.

Life can get you down but also lift you up.

Value the good times and the bad times.

Get out and ride, have fun!

There is only one certainty in life for everyone that is death.

Why the hurry? We are all going to die one way or another.

A good death is when you die in peace.

How do you die in peace?

1. You have done all that of the good things in life as a son, brother, relative and as a friend (or if you are married, husband and father).
2. You have not knowing harm/hurt others directly or indirectly.
3. You have given up all that burden you in life.
4. You have helped others to live a good life.
5. You have not violated the rules of the land or your community.
6. You do not seek beyond that is necessary.
7. You do not knowingly harm yourself in speech, mind and body.

If you can achieved that then death is nothing but another happy journey.

Most fear death because of not understanding the above.

When a person refuses to die this is not because they want to live but rather because of realisation that s/he has not done enough in life so regretted while trying to cling on to life.

😯

how much do you value life?

Oh … to answer your question.

Once I have achieved the above I am ready to go.

😀

The big “c” word. I immediately thought you meant cancer. Cancer, mmm the evil bastard disease that took my daughters best friends mum away at the age of 41 when she was only 11, didn’t see her junior school prom dress etc etc.
What they’d both give for her to still be here, we do all we can for her, like a surrogate daughter.
Live it to the full while your here, you only get one chance!

Go and get some help Alpin, not sure how well received mental health care is in Germany but visit you Dr.

Let me tell you, no matter what you think now, looking down at the soft little face of a child, knowing you are their whole entire world, as they give you a smile and reach out their little arms for a cuddle, is the most inspiring, satisfying, and humbling feeling you’ll ever know.

I’m bi-polar so, on a bad day, not very much.

Just remember that those good days are worth all the other shit life has in store for us.

Also, as a son, husband, father, brother etc, I realise how selfish ending it all would be.

Talk to someone. Anonymous strangers on the internet are better than nothing but professionals and/or family (or girlfriend) are better. Telling someone how down you’re feeling, admitting to yourself you need help and then asking for it takes more guts than suicide. Trust me.

email in profile if you ever want to chat to an anonymous STW-er.

Some days it’s not worth chewing through the straps. On a good day I feel really alive, these days are worth hanging on for.
Today is a great day, tomorrow could be meh or it could be better. The day after, who cares I’ve got 2 days to enjoy before that one arrives.

It’ll pass, it always does if you give it a chance. In the mean time go out and get some exercise.

If I’m honest OP, I spent around 25 years from the age of 18 in the same thought process as yours. Looking back, I had some great times, great experiences, met some great friends, but it all had an undercurrent of sheer f****ing pointlessness, dread, despair and wanting the world to stop so I could get off. All a bit shitty really isn’t it?

Then I started to wake up, albeit slowly, but I started to realise that for me, material possessions and attaining status and stuff were distractions. Distractions from contentment, acceptance, happiness. I also found my truth, my own reason and purpose for living. I discovered my own belief’s and faith and reasons. It felt like a metamorphosis, I changed and am still in that process ( and now trust I shall continue in this process for the rest of my life).

We each have to find our own way to acceptance and to find our purpose. I wont disclose mine, except to say that I endeavour to live by three words: Attitude, acceptance and mindfulness. I have no doubt, that with some effort and above all else, complete self honesty, you will find your reasons, your purpose, your words, your actions, your intent.

Good from bad all the time and enjoy and appreciate your journey.

some nice thoughtful words up there, but life is a gift, enjoy it while it lasts, sometimes bad days pip the good to the post but when the good days win , they are awesome, when the bad day triumphs what gets me through is that good days are never far away, what keeps me going is there is so much out there I still need to see and do, and once my light fades and I realise ive ticked my boxes I will be checkin out with a big smile, so best get on with it, must go load up bikes …….

I value it more than anything. Without it I could not experience, give, receive anything at all.

There are more ways to experience and engage life than are dreamed of in your philosophy. Time out in unfamiliar surroundings with good company can shake the gnarliest chips off the grumpiest shoulder. Give first. Always. All the best.

PS. Read ‘The Power Of Now’ (Eckhart Tolle). Crap title, priceless read.

Personally I don’t place any value on my life, which my partner finds quite upsetting. I simply don’t have a problem with facing my own death as I won’t be here. What I do have a problem with is having lived without doing something good and useful AND with the effect it will have on those around me.

Last night I fought hard to save the little boy closest to the camera here:

He is looking a bit battered after a hard birth, took about 15 minutes to get him to properly come round, and I was up most of the night milking his mum and tube feeding him. I overslept this morning and raced down to check and he was up and walking around talking to his mum.

These two just spent their first night out of the lambing shelter and I couldnt help but smile seeing them up and running around trying to copy mum eating grass this morning:

Three of those lambs will be going to the abattoir at the end of the year as they are boys. I don’t do it for the money or the meat, I do it because the first time I went lambing on a friends farm those lambs showed me how precious and amazing life is. You don’t have time to think how yucky blood and poo is, you just get on with what has to be done. Those little things fight to stay alive and their bond they have with their mothers is incredible when you chuck them out in a field at 2 days old and have to put faith in them being able to survive.

If there is something in your life making you feel this way then change it and find something that makes you happy. For me it was something I never expected to do. I’m an engineer but in my spare time I am sometimes elbow deep inside a sheeps uterus and I love it as it reminds me how precious life is!

I place a high value on your life , you posted that Sun worship video thing years go , ever since watching it I’ve been living my life as a pagan. 🙂
Seriously tho’, when I was deeply depressed , the thought of bringing another child into the world , filled me with dread .Since “getting beter”& many years since I was at my lowest ebb, I am now a daddy and my boy thinks I am a superhero. 😀
On the other side of the coin , good friends of ours split due to the man not wanting children and the lady didn’t want to wait for him to change his mind.It was a very painful split.
I respect them both tbh.
Definitely go and ride you bike , talk to friends and think about seeing the doctor if you continue feeling so negative about life.

According to my life insurance im worth £218k

I simply don’t have a problem with facing my own death as I won’t be here.

That’s not what Alpin is talking about he talking about how worthless his life is and he’s better off not being here, that’s not the same as not being afraid of dying.

Oh and you’ll need to be for your death or it can’t happen. 😀

I feel the same

I’ve no wish to check out, I just struggle to find meaning in anything. I feel like a robot, and constantly wonder what’s the point?

I think in my case there are 2 reasons. My health isn’t great and that prevents me doing a lot of things I’d love to do. I also get paid just enough to cover bills and food and getting to work. No spends for anything extra, even going for a few pints isn’t happening.

I think some of us think too much. I’ve been like this since being a teenager. I remember standing on the platform at piccadilly train station, when I was around 18,looking at guys in their 50’s and thinking ‘is this it?’

I think the key is finding something that you are comfortable with. Looking back my happiest times were when I worked in menial Summer jobs (NZ and USA). No responsibility and laid back people to be around.

Ideally I’d like to bugger off to France or Italy and and work in a completely different field.

For me new experiences are what make me happy and at peace. I’m not really healthy enough at the moment. For the OP, if you have decent health, then try something new, it’s the monotony that’s dangerous

I value your life, those two rides we went on were two of the best days out I’ve had!

It would be silly to let circumstances force your life to be something you don’t value. You can always start again, if you are alive. Anyone who knows you would rather you just buggered off than killed yourself.

You have to have the kid conversation asap. If she wants kids then you can’t stay, because it’s not fair on either of you. I know women who are desperately sad because their partner doesn’t want kids and they do. That’s no way to live life. We get over breakups eventually.

That’s not what Alpin is talking about he talking about how worthless his life is and he’s better off not being here, that’s not the same as not being afraid of dying.

I know exactly what he is saying, perhaps I didn’t put it right trying to keep that part brief. For me, the feeling of not being afraid of dying is linked to the type of feelings alpin has and I put it down to modern life in my case. Going back to basics and seeing basic life wanting to survive and without agenda (or money, career and other pressures) changed my view of the value of life.

guten morgen!

Drac – Moderator

I simply don’t have a problem with facing my own death as I won’t be here.

That’s not what Alpin is talking about he talking about how worthless his life is and he’s better off not being here, that’s not the same as not being afraid of dying.

woo woo woo, Drac…. i’m not on the edge of doing something regretable. i know my life is not worthless (pointless, maybe, but then i think that is the case for a lot of things on this planet).

i agree a lot with what some of those above have said. the monotony, the daily grind, etc. pretty much whatr jools says, although i’ve got a fairly easy going (self-employed) job and have little responsibility either inside or outside of work.

i’ve felt this way before and know when i am slipping and am able to react. last time i left and did exactly this:

Time out in unfamiliar surroundings with good company can shake the gnarliest chips off the grumpiest shoulder.

i thgink it is getting near to the time when i need to drop everything and find a new perspcetive on things.

start decluttering my life of. stop putting up with people who grate me up the wrong way and put me in a bad mood. start doing more of what makes me smile. more exercise.

andyl, +1

molgripsd, cheers!

I’ve previously had similar thoughts and got past them. To me the point of it all is curiosity. Why end it when you don’t know what might happen tomorrow? The world is your oyster and you can make anything happen, or live practically any life you desire.

You want excitement? Save 10k and go travel Asia for a year. you want to achieve something? Work towards it, start a business, or a university course. Feelings of it all being pointless typically arise when life is stagnant. Don’t live to anyone else’s expectations other than your own

I remember you saying you’d not ridden in the UK outside Essex. That needs rectifying!

There is so much more to life than your own life.

🙂
that has changed since then. not by much, mind. next year, once the van is sorted, we’re going on a big fat road trip through europe.