I’m not sure I’ve got it wrong, or maybe my councillor is crap. But it appears that for 6×50 minutes now I’ve told this nice little lady about my proceeding week, and as my wife would agree with she’s repeated what anyone on here could tell me about me in question format via a vis “Don’t you think you might feel better if you worried less about things?”

I don’t feel enlightened, nor has my life been changed. Is my expectation wrong?

Hmm,counselling is supposed to enable you to deal with whatever problems led you to counselling.It’s not usually a cosy little chat,perhaps you should try another counsellor.What did you agree in the pre-counselling contract ?

I put a “not” between it’s and usually,and it isn’t showing,and I can’t edit in ???

is the counsellor doing anything other than reflecting things back? are they suggesting you do, or try to alter things in your routine, teach you coping techniques (i’m guessing as i don’t know why you’re seeing her), or alter your behaviour apart from the “hey, why don’t you just, you know, worry less about stuff” line?

Without knowing a great deal more its hard to say really

There are many forms of counselling and not all forms suit all people or all issues.

Personally I like the person centred approach which is not directive ie telling you what to do but instead encourages you to think about why you are where you are, why you react like you do and to find solutions for yourself. Others prefer more directed styles. Others prefer the CBT type approach of giving you the tools to prevent the ill effects you feel

Perhaps the counsellor you have uses a style you don’t find helpful. After 6 sessions I would be hoping for some positive gains so perhaps you need another style?

At your next session perhaps voice your doubts that this is going anywhere and see what she says?

It is unlikely to be a single moment of realisation but a gradual process of coming to terms /discovering you have the mental tools

the key thing with all counselling IMO is the relationship between the counsellor and you.

I’d definitely be wanting more than just reflection after 3 hours,especially if it doesn’t seem to be helping.

Me and T’missus were arguing a lot. 3 sessions was enough for us to both realise why were were doing it and how to stop it happening.

And tj +1.

She’s given me observations about me and my lifestyle and how they affect me. Her style seems to be to lead me to my own conclusions so with some flagelism and at a risk of a flaming :

A) im narcissistic in a way they i defy my own logic by not be able to identify that the same things happen to other people not just me.

B) that i squeeze a lot into my day as if there is no tomorrow.

C) that I’m driven to be demonstrably successful in the eyes of all people in a way that I’m perpelexed and angered if I don’t see the satisfaction in others visage

D) I’m competitive to the fact that a, b, and c are a continuously competitive cycle.

E) mentally, i never switch off.

Actually I’m glad I wrote that out, maybe I have learned something and it serves as a reminder.

That sounds more like it’s working,and she’s not just reflecting,probs worth continuing 8)

So, these are your conclusions? Are any of them a surprise to you?

Sounds to me she has identified several possible issues. Now she needs to help you identify how to deal with them.

D) I’m competitive to the fact that a, b, and c are a continuously competitive cycle.

To the degree that need to feel that your counselling needs to be more effective than everyone else’s?

Maybe you have unrealistic expectations?

Sounds like a bit of progress then.

Depends on the counselling and what for.

There are many approaches and seems down to the preference of the counsellor unless you’ve chosen to go with a specific (e.g. CBT).

http://www.bacp.co.uk/student/modalities.php

Had a go with one, they declared it was ‘Holistic’ approach but basically just seemed to concentrate way too much on childhood and relationship with your mother type bollocks. Very Freud.

CBT on the other hand would have been better I think as that I understand focuses on the now, not past history.

The holistic stuff though kind of helped in that I could recognise the stupidity of the mind and just ride it out. Then I discovered what I really needed to do was to get out, exercise, relax, and enjoy life. Most of which involves riding bikes 😀

Kryton57 – Member

A) im narcissistic in a way they i defy my own logic by not be able to identify that the same things happen to other people not just me.

B) that i squeeze a lot into my day as if there is no tomorrow.

C) that I’m driven to be demonstrably successful in the eyes of all people in a way that I’m perpelexed and angered if I don’t see the satisfaction in others visage

D) I’m competitive to the fact that a, b, and c are a continuously competitive cycle.

E) mentally, i never switch off.

Actually I’m glad I wrote that out, maybe I have learned something and it serves as a reminder.

This seems like a huge amount of progression, well done.

Coming to terms with it will be enlightening.

I wish you well.

I thought twice about saying something like “yer, we could have told you that” or “obvious is obviously” or some such other quip. But you’ve been honest with yourself on many occasions, done something constructive with your own mental progression and steadfastly posted your issues on here.

Not long now,

My counsellor started by asking me to use him as a skip and throw everything in. We then sorted through the skip in the following sessions. He listened, he showed amazing empathy, and said the f-word a lot! Beyond that I can’t put into words what he did but he really helped me.

Maybe you’ve fallen into the typical man-trap of being frustrated because you aren’t doing the active process of “fixing” a problem.

Sometimes you need to let the passive process of “healing” happen instead. You need to deliberately not do stuff.

You’re worrying that you’re not doing something to stop you worrying.

There are many forms of counselling and not all forms suit all people or all issues

This.

I’ve had counsellors where we’ve just clicked and found it great and ones where we just couldn’t connect and it was a total waste of time.

Reading that back, it does sound a bit like dating…

Me and T’missus were arguing a lot. 3 sessions was enough for us to both realise why were were doing it and how to stop it happening.

Let me guess…. compulsory helmet wearing? 😀

Freudian stuff is bollocks IMO of course but its results are rubbish

Sounds to me its basically the person centred approach and that works not with a sudden bang of enlightenment but in a much more subtle manner – its only really when you reflect back that you realise how far you have come and it seems to me this thread might have helped you realise that you have made progress

Do you get questions like ( the very clichéd)”how did that make you feel” and “why do you think you reacted like that” ie its all about an exploration and giving you room / guiding you to work out the answers for yourself not about giving you answers

Some good conclusions there.
Any one tried the Human Givens approach? I’ve heard good things.
I’ve had traditional counselling and hypnotherapy.
What I’ve learnt is my depression tends to be situational, so it’s more a case of finding something else to do rather than staying in the situation (usually job) that is making me miserable.
Depression can quickly get out of hand. Oh and I’ve also learn’t to avoid heavy boozing sessions as that is one of my major triggers.

Don’t take this the wrong way but do you have many close friends or close family who you can open up to . You seem to use this forum to try and resolve.many issues that I would expect to be the sort of things that I would initially bounce off a few close friends or family members . I’m in the fortunate position of being married to a mental health nurse and have a sister who is a councillor , not that I have ever needed their professional help . As others have said carry on with the sessions if you think they are helping but it’s not a silver bullet and you really have to be prepared to change if needed .

She’s correct though. It takes time after you consciously make a decision to stop worrying for your subconscious mind and your body to fall into line. May take a few weeks or months.

Many think if you stop worrying today youll feel fine tomorrow, which is never the case, especially if you have been a chronic worrier for a length of time.

A lot of worrying thoughts dont need to be resolved, it just needs you to let go of them and focus on positive things instead.

Tried it many times, never worked for me. Another redundancy (each one a blessing) and I tried a ‘mindfulness’ course at the behest of my wife. It really helped understand motivation, mental reflex response and barriers to change how you feel/react to the world (all about ‘chimp’ really).
Nothing is a panacea, more about heading you back onto the path of not-unhappy-ness

but do you have many close friends or close family who you can open up to .

In short, no. A lot of why people percieve – and i didnt even realise i was defaulting to – me always talking about me becuase in very large areas of my life thats all theres has been, specifically emotionally.

I’ve more to say, but i need to think on it more before i write it down here.

Took me two counsellors to see workable results. The second was infuriating and always asked, “Well, what do we want to do today?” I always wanted to say, “Well that’s your **** job”.

But after about eight sessions, she finally came up with a plan based on the preceding sessions and I saw the light. It still works and I don’t even have to think about it these days – it’s ingrained. Hang in there.

[video]https://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg[/video]

I have no experience of counselling but it seems to me she has hit the nail on the head. The vicious circle of beating yourself up trying to do everything today is something i have seen in a few people. Now its identified as the issue you can work on it. It may be oversimplifying things but can you focus on relaxation techniques, hobbies etc.

For me and many others on here its exercise, outdoors, sport. Just walking helps. Also, as i do pilates classes i have just bought the kit for home so i can grab 5 mins doing the moves when i see it.

Good luck btw, some v useful advice on here as usual.

Different counsellors have different styles and will have trained in different methodologies. You need to find the combo that works for you. I’ve had a few different ones over recent years.

CBT I found gives you tools to cope but doesn’t necessarily fix the underlying issue(s) but can improve things relatively quickly.

I don’t know what the 2nd type of counselling I had was. I just found it weird and didn’t get on with it at all. Counsellor would just sit in silence and wait for me to talk. Very rarely asked questions to trigger me to talk so there could be some very long silences.

3rd type I’ve had is transactional which is helping me resolve the deeper issues that CBT didn’t reach. Much more about how you perceive other people you interact with and how you perceive their perception of you.

Although it sounds like yours is starting to work so stick with it. It can take a while to see results so patience.

I found that my brain would do a lot of processing of what had happened in counselling sessions in the background and I would feel things aren’t improving as I wasn’t conscious of them. However if I consciously thought about it I could then start identifying improvements and changes that had happened without me realising.