Having a 13yr old daughter means a fairly regular stream of teenage girls hanging out at ours/having sleepovers etc. Now, whilst we don’t fund all her friends lifestyles, if we have a visitor then we will treat them to a takeaway or some treats from the shop etc.

It seems on a more and more regular basis that this isn’t reciprocated – to the extent that other parents will treat their child and leave ours out. The latest one is a kid hassling everyone for a couple of quid towards the pizza they had at a sleepover. I wouldn’t mind if we hadn’t fed her on numerous occasions.

Should I just get over it or just stop treating their kids? Money isn’t an issue, it’s more principle. And I know cash is tight for some folk but they do seem to take the piss.

I guess in reality we will just carry on as we were. It’s just a bit annoying.

Curious as to how others treat other kids and if it works in return.

i will never forget my mates mum showing me a entire coolbox of chocolate bars saying “i bet you could find one you like” after my mate had moaned about the selection

I nodded

she put it away. 🙁

Money isn’t an issue

Maybe it is for the people at the other end?

I tend to take the view that we do ‘what we do’ and accept that other parents version of ‘what we do’ might be different.

My kids are a bit younger than 13 but we have the same thing.

My Mrs often invites our kids friends over after school or in the holidays, she always feeds them and makes sure they are looked after.

What never fails to amaze me is how few of these kids’ parents return the invite, never mind go out of their way to do something nice.

Unless my kids are nasty little buggers when they are at somebody elses house, I can’t understand why people would be happy to have their kids at my house without returning the invitation?

Yep, they’re being tight and annoying:

You don’t invite people over so you can be invited to theirs or buy presents for people so they will buy you presents back. It’s about sharing. If the others don’t want to share back or can’t, I’m sure there’s a reason but that’s for the guests to be aware of and reveal if they want.

My friend when I was a kid always ate and played at mine. We did eventually go to his once but didn’t again. His mum was an alcoholic, the place was an absolute state, the food was laughable, and it just wasn’t a nice place to be, let alone play!

OP
You’re doing a nice thing,so get over it.
Some people are just wired different.

^^ this. If it annoys you that much, stop doing it. Otherwise just take solace in the fact that you are doing something nice.

It’s annoying but as above, you can’t host someone with the expectation of the invite or outlay being returned.
Also, what’s the alternative? I imagine explaining the point to the other parent would be pretty excruciating.

I have to agree with the consensus here.

You set your standards, and the rest have to settle for theirs.

it’s a bit of a different ball game though if you’re feeding their kids then having to remember to send yours out with a few quid to chip in for the take away!

There’s always the possibility that their parents are giving them money to chip in and the little buggers are all pocketing it 😀

Crazy, I know but how about talking to your kids friends and their parents about your first world problem?

But to humour you, I’m generous with my time but not a mug with my money. I do ask my teenage kids parents if they want me to feed them and ask them if I was thinking them to contribute to petrol, cinema, meals etc. as do they with me.

I never used to bring friends back to mine as a kid. Not that they weren’t welcomed by my mum but we were poor as hell and I was embarrassed that I knew she wouldn’t be able to provide stuff for them. Especially compared to a couple of friends who’s parents seemed to be happy to take other kids away for the day, for dinner or cinema trips, whatever.

Perhaps it would be nice for your kid’s friend’s parents to be the same as you, but whether they are too selfish or can’t afford it, it would be a shame for you to change your behaviour, especially when as you say you can afford it. Maybe for one or two of her friends it makes coming over even more of a treat than just spending time with a friend…

Next time she goes to theirs give her a fiver and tell her to give it to her mates mum towards tee, that should sort it.

When my kids friends come round they get fed and maybe get given some sweet money for the shop.

Can’t say I’ve ever given any thought to what they get or don’t when they go visiting. They have after all gone to play with their friends.

As I said, it’s not a major issue and we won’t change anything – there just seems to be an unwritten rule that when they come to ours, we pay and when ours goes to theirs, we pay!

Certainly not talking to anyone about it, as it’s not important enough to cause an atmosphere – only really worthy of a moan on here 😉

If they can afford it they should reciprocate your generosity.

My 9 year old regularly goes on days out with his best friend and his best friend regularly goes on days out with us. None of us take any money even though we offer every time and they offer every time.

They may not have the money but the chances are they are just tight sods who also dodge rounds when they go out and avoid collections at work 🙂

when youngest goes to mates for cinema etc.i usually offer some cash as it is an expensive trip other parents usually decline never seems to happen other way round, Often feed her friends she gets fed sometimes at theirs. more or less balances out. try not to have sleepovers often and only in school holiday time. they all have higher running costs than expected and much more than my bikes 😯

when youngest goes to mates for cinema etc.i usually offer some cash as it is an expensive trip other parents usually decline never seems to happen other way round, Often feed her friends she gets fed sometimes at theirs. more or less balances out. try not to have sleepovers often and only in school holiday time. they all have higher running costs than expected and much more than my bikes 😯

Ha ha.. You wrote that unwritten rule! 😀

Why would talking cause an atmosphere? 😯

If you can’t talk about this, you’re **** when they start all getting into trouble with the police, doing drugs, drinking and shagging

If they can afford it they should reciprocate your generosity.

Why should another parent feel pressured to spaff a load of money on whatever just because someone else does?

IME parents who can’t be arsed (and can afford it) ship kids of the cinema followed by a trip to MaccyDs.

Some of the best parties my kids have been to have cost buttons, but have involved a lot of parent planning and input.

If you really can’t manage conversation without the aid of a computer to hide behind..
Next time she goes to theirs give her a fiver and tell her to give it to her mates mum towards tee, that should sort it.
This ^^

Get on the phone and sort it put you big coward.. Don’t want to cause an atmosphere?

Yeah right.. Don’t want to wee your pants you mean

Ha – you lot don’t know me very well ^^^

I’ll bring up any issue I have, with anyone, in any situation if I so feel like it.

In this instance, it’s not worth much more than a moan on here. That is what this forum is for isn’t it???? 😉

I wouldn’t even give them the benefit of the doubt 🙂

We don’t know you at all but you certainly do a great job of coming across as a moany pants wetter 😀

It’s a scam, being used to extort money from you for drugs. Don’t be a fool. You know what to do 🙄

We don’t know you at all but you certainly do a great job of coming across as a moany pants wetter 

Bloody hell, abused by the noob. Didn’t take you long to find your feet did it? Not managed to master the quote button yet I see though 😉

To answer the original question, if they’re round at ours and it’s tea time, they’ll get offered some, if we’re out and getting food together, I’ll pay for it all, although if they’re going off by themselves (Braehead Shopping Centre – bollocks to that) I’d probably give my kid a fiver for KFC, but I wouldn’t be dishing it out to the others. Last time we went me, my daughter and her friend went to the cinema (different films). I bought the tickets, but told them (both) they could get their own sweets. I suppose it works out that if they’re with me, I’ll pay for their grub, but if they’re going off by themselves they can sort themselves out, although it’s just come about like that rather than a conscious decision. If it was the other way round, I would give my daughter lunch money rather than assume the friends parents would pick up the tab, but I would expect (in the probability sense) they’d do the same as me.