Our wee boy is 4 weeks now and we’re finding it hard to get him settled much during the day. He cries, wants milk/formula, gets windy, bloated tummy, wants more milk, basically constantly wants the bottle in his mouth.

Seeing him writhe about makes us think he’s blocked up and he’s been given a little colic relief but it’s not really making much difference. I’m starting to think this is just how babies are; NOTHING like the image of a sleeping tender babe.

It’s taking probably 50 minutes in every hour to look after him between my wife and I, say between 9am and 11pm, plus 2-3 wake ups during the night.

Draining! And leaves precious little time for looking after ourselves and the house (or getting biking for that matter).

How were yours?

108 days in intensive care.

It gets easier.

We’ve got 3, all very different at that age. Yours sound pretty normal to me mate, sorry.

Yep, remember the days when you get to the evening and you start to think you’ve forgot to do a few things and then You remember…. Eat yourself or maybe clean your teeth or get a shower, that sort of thing.

If it helps, it does end and get easier, but I remember how hard it is convincing yourself of it especially with your first. I once offered my wife a £1000 shopping spree to do my turn on night feeds as I was sooooo tired. She told me to stick it 😯

It gets much easier after about week 6.

You’ve got some very small tubes which you’re trying to stuff a lot of liquid down. Eventually the tubes get bigger and it all gets easier.

Evolution being what it is, the time taken for this transition is very slightly less than the time it takes for sleep deprivation to kill the parents.

FWIW, it gets a lot worse in about 17 years time….

This is normal or at least not far from normal.

It does get better but it’s really hard work for those first few months unless you are really lucky and get the imaginary text book one!

+1 gets easier. Colic sucks though, just methodically work your way through the different treatments until you find something that works for you or until it goes away anyway.

Possibly try to resist the temptation to keep feeding in dribs and drabs – new milk on top of partially digested milk in an unemptied stomach is one cause of colic.

Riding is possibly a bit ambitious, but make a point of getting out with the pram. Screaming never seems so bad outside, might help Jr to settle, and you’ll feel better for it.

The most annoying thing is that in a few months your brain will blank out these bits and make you think it’s a good idea to do it again!

My 2p-worth…

Plums (currently on Jr mk3 at 9 months who is very whingy and clingy)

we got a vibrating chair, which used to get his wind up and send him to sleep. My experience is 4 months before you get normality back. enjoy every waking moment with your baby, you’re their whole world currently.

Mine’s discovered girls, aged 13…….

apparently, they interfere with game playing (no shit Sherlock)

Absolutely normal. I’m ashamed now, but I really didn’t bond with my eldest until she was about six weeks old, and if pushed, I’d say I hated her. She disrupted our lives and I got nothing but grief from her and indirectly mum, no return at all for all the hours of walking her up and down trying to get her to settle.

Then something changed.

Stick with it, it will be worth it.

I’m also with otherjonv …. Think it is quite common for Dads not to get the whole “instant bond” thing. I never disliked mine, but for each of them went through a period of just feeling overwhelmed with responsibility and not much else.

our second had colic for about the first six months or so of his life… which meant that basically, if he was awake then the majority of that time he would be uncomfortable and crying, often screaming, and would need a good hour of so of rocking and cojoling when he needed to get off to sleep..

colic medicine didn’t help a great deal, and he woke very often at night during this six month period

quite a shock after our first who was fairly easy by comparison..

colic boy is now 2.5 and is just about sleeping through the night.. he’s a great character and sturdy as an ox with a wicked sense of humour..

almost worth all the effort 😉

it took me a few weeks to bond with my first and a coupla years to bond with colic boy

try to share the night duties equally if poss… I dealt with the noisy fella alone at night for the first 18 months and the sleep dep pretty well nearly drove me nuts

Yeah, babies are rubbish. They get better eventually, six years on and ours is now almost bearable to be around some of the time… 😉

Hang in there. Good luck.

Suck it up big boy (see post 2)

I’m ashamed now, but I really didn’t bond with my eldest until she was about six weeks old

Why be ashamed? Bonding isn’t automatic – this is my experience and the prenatal people also stressed it. You don’t necessarily feel all love and sweetness as soon as it’s born.. you can really struggle with the screaming writhing thing but you take care of it because you have to.

You are rewarded later though, when they start to become people 🙂

“Infants are the drill sergeants of parenting bootcamp. They give you four basic tasks – diapers, burping, feeding, and napping – and then scream at you when you do them wrong. There’s no encouragement, no smiles, just crying and quiet. And they give you tasks at any time, day or night. Just finished changing my diaper? Change it again. Good job, now change that one.

After a few months of breaking you down, they build you back up again. They smile at you. They sleep through the night. They hold their head up, so you don’t have to.

And after It’s over, the tasks you learned – swaddling, diapering, bottle prepping – are tasks you will likely never use again. But the skills you’ve gained – patience without sleep, calm in the face of screams, moving your hand into the shit instead of recoiling – are skills that will serve you the rest of your life.”
– Thompson S Sweetback

Good burping technique can really help.. get him/ her sat on your knee with your hand across and around the front of their shoulders and neck. Get them sat nice and upright and pat their back. Its a bit tricky to really describe without demonstrating but take a look at this vid..

http://www.babycenter.com/2_how-to-burp-a-baby_10378283.bc

Wind = grumpy ass whingebag

Just make sure you are both getting sleep when you can as sleep deprivation can do some horrible things to you

sounds par for the course, fortunately our 2 never had cholic but it is tough

just try and get a routine worked out, for them; sleep, change, feed, repeat etc
for you; make sure you both eat well, get some chill time !

they are pretty darn brilliant in the end

It gets great when they reach 18 and go away to university. Not financially, they’ll always be fleecing you but at least you don’t have to listen to them complaining all the time.

Apart from that, the bit between having sex and you dying, is a right old pain in the arse. I suppose there’s some good bits. Like when they fall in a pond or get bitten by a swan.

Only wakes up 2-3 times in the night?!

You lucky barsteward! Ours wakes 5 or 6 times per night and he’s nearly 6 months old!

Welcome to fatherhood. Its a total bitch and simply the best thing in the world ever.

Jnr 90.2 coming up to 5 months now, he hasn’t been too bad. Bit colicy, bit refluxy, bit crap at bringing up his wind. But on the whole OK as long as he’s fed every 3 he’s during the day and gets a couple of naps he’s happy. Jnr 90.1 was different. Inconsolable screaming day and night, always wanting feeding. Turned out she has a lactase deficiency, so the lactose in milk was making her very uncomfortable, stomach cramps and acid burning poo. Once we got on top of that (colief drops) she was much happier and settled. At 7 she’s still on the colief to her with her lactose intolerance. So they are all different, and ‘normal’ covers a wide range. Once they start sleeping through the night that makes the biggest difference to your sanity.

Its great but we wont have another. Nursery alone puts me off.

Are you feeding formula or breast feeding? Might be worth trying to change formula brand or get your wife to alter her diet. For example, my wife couldn’t eat Peppers, onions or any brassicas as it would cause number1 son immense pains and keep him awake for hours. There is lots of breast feeding help available. A friend of ours is very active in supporting new mothers so if you want to be put in touch just send me a mail.

It doesn’t help, but it will get easier. I’m also one who took several weeks to bond with our first child. This person had come into our lives, nearly killing my wife in the process, and then changed our lives completely. I felt like a spare part, just getting stuff for them and not really feeling I was needed. It took 6-8 weeks I’d say and then it clicked.
Number 2 was totally different. I’ve loved him since the moment he arrived!

I’m not ashamed about not bonding, I realise that is normal. But hating your own daughter that you’ve been through so much to actually beget. That was now ruining my life and relationship with my wife.

I can actually sympathise with parents who shake their babies to make them shut up, and then find that they’ve shaken them too hard. Not saying I did that, but, it’s a dividing line that could be very easy to cross.

She’s ten now and just made me a cup of tea. So it was worth waiting for it to pass after all.

Our first had really bad colic, it lasted about 4 months. It was very tough at the time. Tried all the treatments, not sure if they really did anything. It then stopped within a few days.

The problem is, when you are going through it, you don’t know it’s going to end, and that makes it even harder. It will get better.

Young babies are bloody hard work, but it gets easier…you just have to grind it out, and wait for the smiles to start 🙂

#1 daughter was a pain when as a baby (14 now and the stress is different!), but that paled into insignificance when daughters #2&3 arrived (twins).
They were a fairly normal level of awkwardness but the combination of the two of them was very effective sleep depravation – it was aweful.

All lovely now though 🙂 Just hang in there and be very glad you didn’t have twins.

Ours was fine for a few weeks and then from 1 month to 4 months or so she was a very unhappy baby during the day, screamed much of the time and would take very little comfort from us. The only thing that kept my wife sane was that she slept pretty well at night. She was constantly sick, easily over 50 times a day. Tried lots of things, nothing helped. Then suddenly she got tons better and was hardly sick at all, and not long after there was another step change for the better. At the time it felt like we’d be stuck in purgatory forever… Nowadays she’s a 16 month old bundle of hilarity (though not exactly relaxing when she’s awake!)

Sounds pretty normal. Our little boy would cry every time you put him down. we tried everything – doctor, health visitor, ignoring him, comforting him.
TBH, I think that life didn’t get back to normal until he started school.

Those parents that say, “ours slept right through from birth” are lying b*stards. They either have selective memory or say it just to wind you up. Most parents I know look like the walking dead and would sell organs for a solid 9 hour kip.
You get used to surviving on a handful of hours a night to the point where you think 5 is an absoute luxury.

We’re at 12 weeks with our little one.

At 4 weeks things weren’t easy. I wouldn’t say things are easy now, but she is getting in to more of a routine, sleeping better, easier to get down at night, and is getting in to a pattern.

Maybe try burping a few times during the feed to get rid of as much air as possible? Ours still writhes about after a feed either with a bad stomach, or needing the toilet.

Sounds like our first. I spent hours “bonding” with him in the middle of the night trying to get him to settle. Started cycling to work as I couldn’t remember the drive in. Fell asleep in meetings more than once. Sat down on his first birthday and calculated we had lost around 6 months sleep in that first year.

Talk to the health visitor for support and advice. Encourage mum to get involved with mum and babies groups for some support as well.

He’s now 11 and growing into a fine young man, and I’m so proud of him, he was worth the struggle. Have a few hurdles no doubt in the next few years.

His sister was better as a baby. Crack on with number 2 to take your minds of it?

Our boy wouldn’t be put down from day one.

The midwives took him away the first night for a few hours whilst my wife was recovering from her caesarian.

He was ‘crying a bit’ in the sound proof room they use for storage of babies under these circumstances but they ‘left him to settle’. First I knew was a call saying he’d been taken up to intensive care as he’d cried so much he’d turned blue and they were worried about him.

This rather set the tone for the first few months of his life.

Either you held him (24/7) or he’d scream the place down and get ill.

Neither of ours *ever* slept on their backs. We ummed and ahhed over the evidence of sleeping on their fronts and our lifestyle (and income it has to be said) meant we were very low risk so we eventually put them face down which helped.

He woke for feeds every 1-2 hours for the first year and didn’t sleep through until he was 3.

General consensus was that there is a range of what is ‘normal’ and although our son in particular was at an extreme end of the scale it was just ‘one of those things’.

Basically, you just have to Parent the F Up and get on with it. But it’s a pretty shit way to spend your days and nights, it has to be said.

He’s 18 this year and seems none the worse for it all.

We’re broken though…

We had it easy until aged two, then all hell broke loose.

I’m completely with theontherjonv – our first had colic for the first 5-6 months and made our lives a living hell. We both bonded with him pretty quickly but it didn’t stop us hating him at times. Looking back we still don’t know quite how we got through it but we did and can laugh about it now.

Ours was pretty much the same but with added puking. Everything calmed down when she was finally diagnosed lactose intolerant and put onto Nutramogen (sp?).

W2K mkIII is 12 weeks and has been pretty good up to press – he’s noisy and seems to wriggle (and fart/crap!) a lot during the night, but he doesn’t cry and if he does, seems to settle himself pretty quick. mkI (now 5) was a crier & didn’t like to be put down, but once off to sleep was fine. mkII (nearly 4) was (and still is!) no bother whatsoever.

We’ve had it pretty easy TBH, which is probably why I agreed to number 3 🙂

Is it your first OP? Sounds like you might be “helicoptering” a bit – sometimes you just have to leave them alone and just get on with doing the “other stuff”!

Are you feeding formula or breast feeding? Might be worth trying to change formula brand or get your wife to alter her diet.

Sounds like it may be a cows milk allergy. Lots of babies have this, both ours did. Does the baby have ezcema as well?

If you are formula feeding then ask the doctor to prescribe hydrolised formula (which has the added bonus of then being free!). If your misses is breast feeding the she will need to cut out cows milk entirely which is a bit of a pain but definately worth doing for a trial period to see if it helps.

Ours went from waking up every hour after a feed with what appeared to be colic but wasn’t (it was the cows milk affecting them) to sleeping though the night consistently at an early age.

Most children grow out of it by 12 months (ours did and are now addicted to yoghurt)

1st one was just a baby. Seemed a nightmare, but just didn’t realise. As noone actually does till they’re there.

2nd was the perfect child. Halo wearing thin now.

3rd was like a Tasmanian devil. Could roll over at 5 weeks. Nearly renamed Russell due to the continual activity in the cot. Made us wonder if you could actually die through lack of sleep (bearing in mind the other 2 didn’t exactly disappear either) and whether it’d just be welcome relief.

3rd still is a blur of activity, but you get through it. Once you get the odd nights sleep it’ll improve .. try and do a duty night so at least one of you gets to wear the ear plugs and get a few solid hours maybe.

Compared to most we’ve had it easy. Slept really well, always drank his milk (boob) and never had any reflux/colic issues. In fact, he’s been sick 4 times I can think of and he’s now 1.

Thinking of trying for another and I just know if we are lucky enough to have another it will be cursed, cursed I tells ya.

Sounds about normal. On our second newborn now (4 months in) and compared to our toddler the newborn is easy (even with quite bad reflux.) Makes me wonder why we thought it was hard work first time around. I think it probably was quite a bit of “helicoptering” initially. Took a good few weeks with the first one before we worked out we could actually put him down and leave him for a bit!

Is it your first OP? Sounds like you might be “helicoptering” a bit – sometimes you just have to leave them alone and just get on with doing the “other stuff”!

Very true ^^^.

No 1 terrible colic – spent 2-3 hours a night ‘in the padded cell’ rocking him to sleep, but once off slept through after about 6 weeks. COntinued until he was about 4 months

No 2 Milk protein allergy – first two weeks near constant screaming with blood in fecaes, writhing in pain etc. once diagnosed quitened down pretty quick and now sleeps through(ish) aged 12 weeks

Basically keep an eye on it, try different colic remedies (we found Dr Brown bottles are pretty good if on formula) if you’re worried see a doctor. Otherwise strap yourself in and remember – sleep is for wimps.

So, in summary, kids are all different and to the OP yours seems on the harder side of average but by no means the worst or unusual.

FWIW, check that they have properly considered reflux problems – friend’s son was awful for the first year despite all sorts of appts with doctors, etc until this was diagnosed at which point it was almost cured overnight.

Mine were both fairly hard work in that they were hungry at night so didn’t sleep through for a long time. One barely slept during the day (30 mins max), the other slept almost all the time in the first couple of months. One was like a milk bomb, vomiting, covering herself, bed, us, everything very often.