After a bit of stw advice.

Yesterday got great news on a job interview. Being offered the role. Which made me very happy.

Today I got a phone call asking me to go and check on a relative who wasn’t answering the phone.

End result being I discovered the body of someone whom I was very close to.

Struggling with being the first responder and all that entails, if you know what I mean.

Looking for some sage stw advice.

Very sorry to hear that, perhaps consider that they would have been happy to have been found by someone they cared about and cared about them. rather than being found by a stranger? May I ask if this was a natural cause? You can get help, it’s not considered poor form to be affected by it.

Relative you say? Any other family you can talk to about it?

I had the same some years ago. Was first in to the house to find someone I adored was no more.

To be entirely honest with you, I don’t think you ever fully get over it. You will, however, learn to cope with it. Focus on why you were close to them, focus on the positive they brought to you in your life, and the positive you gave to them. In my case, I found that it helped to think that she would have been glad it was me who found her. I truly think she would have, too. My daughter has her name as one of hers. Her memory goes on.

Talking is important, talk to people you know, and who care, and especially with people who cared for the person you found as well. No need for any gruesome details, but I found that her friends and relatives were glad to know that someone found her, that the process could be finished (If that’s not too cold and calculating).

Now, getting the good job news can, and should, help the recovery I hope. Try and think of it as a quid pro quo. There’s some bad shit, but then there’s some good shit.

Above all, though, I think the key is to learn to deal with it. You may never get over it fully, but you can deal with it.

Thought that they’d be glad that I found them, treated the situation with respect and preserved their dignity before Ambo arrived.

Focusing on the happy times etc.

Not really any family to chat about.

The biggest thing is the gruesome bits.

Celeberate them.

Big hug

I found them, treated the situation with respect and preserved their dignity

You’ve done the right thing, don’t ever forget that.

If there isn’t family to talk to about it, talk to your friends about it. If need be, talk to random cycling loons on the interweb as well. We’re a decent bunch, really!

Sorry if I sound a little flippant, but I think a bit of humour can help. As before though, you know you’ve done the right thing, and no matter how horrid the horrid is, you’ll gradually adapt to it. Maybe even quickly, who knows?

Yeah.

Must admit quite like smashing a door in.

Also good job great prospects which they’d be really happy about.

Mid week ride next week with an old body.

As the dude says peaks and troughs.

Mid week ride next week with an old body.

Hate to take this to the level of gallows humour, but….! (Am hoping you can see the humour in that!)

Cpt is right you don’t get over the death of someone you love whatever the circumstances, you may find yourself forever changed by the experience, that’s not necessarily a bad thing even if right now it feels like sometihng you would rather have avoided. So the only advice I could offer is don’t try and get over over it, don’t try and feel something you don’t and give yourself the time and space that you need to express your emotions however you need for as long as you need to. You will get back to being able to focus on normal stuff but there’s no timeframe for how long that takes.

Some people find talking to a stranger helpful, it allows you to unload without the worrying about the judgement of friends or family, there are bereavement counsellors in most areas and you should be able to get advice from your GP if you have any trouble locating one. But again that’s not for everyone, if you think it’ll help, go if not don’t, there’s no set pathway through any of this but don’t bottle anything up.

How soon are you due to start your new job? if you’re still feeling troubled it might well be worth contacting them to either delay the start or at least let them know what’s happened and that you might not quite be on your A game from day one.

If you only take one thing from this post please make it not to bottle up your emotions.

If you feel the need to bottle it up then do so, if you need to talk then do so, if you need to get drunk do so, if you need to be alone in a remote place do so. We all deal with things in our own ways and they might be different to others. You will never forget them but time does help make things easier. Purely because it allows you to process and deal with these things however you choose to do so. I have had the same experience with my Dad, 27 years ago, and my Uncle, 3 years ago. You will deal with it when you are ready and work out how.

Cheers all. New job starts in a number of weeks.

Didn’t see that I’d put old body. Meant to put old buddy!

As before, I hope you got the gallows humour there!

Also, I hope you’re doing OK. Many people here ready to talk either way!

3 years ago, almost to the hour, I found my Nan dead.

Different circumstances to the OP as Nan was in Hospital and I had spent all afternoon with her as she got more poorly and I’d nipped out to get some air, moved the car to a spot closer to the Hospital and had a bit of Tea.

Got back to the ward and Nan most have gone just before I’d got back as the Staff hadn’t noticed. I still felt totally alienated as I walked towards her bed knowing deep down she had gone but hoping I was wrong. Called a Nurse over who pulled the curtains around us and did basic checks, confirmed Nan had gone, left me there for a minute till a senior nurse came in and I was ushered out.

Still feel like I was floating through the corridors as I left the Hospital.

Thoughts are with you OP

mikey-simmo offers some sage words, as do the others. You mention ‘gruesome bits’. Whatever that means, it can have an effect on you that you may not feel until later.

Please be aware of things like PTSD, and don’t hesitate to talk to a professional or some sympathetic ear.

Equally, don’t hesitate to pour out on here either.

Best wishes.