Viewing 21 posts - 1 through 21 (of 21 total)
  • Help needed with an online gambling problem.
  • gofasterstripes
    Free Member

    Yo.

    A person I know well has opened up to me and admitted an online gambling [poker?] issue, it was quite a shock and I didnt have a clue ’till they said it.

    Please don’t assume it’s me. It isn’t, and any advice aimed/tailored for me based on what you now about me will likely be off the mark.

    I don’t know all the details, but it’s pretty clear that
    a) It really is a “problem” – the person can ill-afford the money lost and has been gambling more to try and recover the [inevitable] losses.
    b) They want to stop and, as-yet, have been unable to do-so. This has been going on for some time, I think a year or so.

    Mitigating factors include:
    a) AFAIK – not borrowing money to fund it, though I think they have been selling possessions to do so.
    b) Not lost the day job.
    c) Does have some money stashed away that will become available soon [though, clearly the issue needs addressing before this to avoid it being wasted]
    d) IMPORTANT – they have admitted the problem, even if only to me, and talked about joining a support group etc.

    Other useful info: The person used to “have a few fluters on the horses” and then quit due, I think, to losses. They’ve now relapsed into online gambling and the problem has come back worse.

    Sadly I am unable to spend much physical time with this person, or I would try to distract them more. We have several things in common.

    I know next to nothing about any form of gambling. I tried [real] poker twice and lost both times 20 quid in 20 minutes. I concluded it was not for me. I can be read like a book 🙂

    I may be able to give more info if needed. Clearly I have to speak to the person in question to ask, so there may be a delay.

    I HAVE CHECKED IT’S OK TO ASK HERE, WITH SUITABLE OBFUSCATION OF DETAILS.

    How am I best able to help?

    suburbanreuben
    Free Member

    I would be inclined to offer to go with them to a support group.

    funkrodent
    Full Member

    Provide support and advice where possible, be a place this individual can turn to. But above all, get this person to go and talk to experts. Gambling is one of the worst addictions – and online even more so due to the ease with which it can be accessed. I suggest this organisation would be a good place to start

    http://www.gamcare.org.uk/

    Above all be patient. Remember addiction (of any type) is an illness. It’s often not just a case of a short, sharp talk along the lines of “Pull yourself together”. You do need to think about how much of your time/energy you are prepared to devote to this individual as they may well become increasingly dependent on you..

    Best of luck to you and your mate!

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    footflaps
    Full Member

    I had a friend from school who became addicted to slot machines. Would blow all his money in the pub on them and then start trying to borrow more from friends. In the end counselling helped, his Dad had shown nothing but disapproval towards him over his entire life, so he was pretty low on self esteem and gambling became his vice, a quick hit of excitement in a sea of self hatred…..

    cchris2lou
    Full Member

    I think you can ask to be banned from some places and websites.

    scandal42
    Free Member

    A problem that is undoubtedly becoming more common, as such there is a wealth of help out there, but ultimately it’s down to him.

    The easy 24hr access to these sites is hugely damaging to people who have the urge to gamble, it’s barely possible to watch Television without having it slammed down your throat in between shows.

    I have a friend with a lovely young family, seemingly he has everything you could hope for in life, new house, 2 lovely daughters and an ex model wife, he decided to gamble away all of their savings, twice.

    He now has no access to the card that is used for family finances and is given an amount suitable for his daily needs, it sounds drastic but so was his problem, I still fear he will get back on it.

    I take it this chap is single and so doesn’t have anyone to help manage the financial side of things on a daily basis?

    gofasterstripes
    Free Member

    You do need to think about how much of your time/energy you are prepared to devote to this individual as they may well become increasingly dependent on you..

    A bit of a tricky one. I’m not that flush with time. But everything I can, of course.

    I take it this chap is single and so doesn’t have anyone to help manage the financial side of things on a daily basis?

    I don’t think the person’s partner knows about it.

    Any real-life experiences and conclusions people want to post would probably also help.

    Thanks 😀

    roper
    Free Member

    I think you can ask to be banned from some places and websites

    Your friend can opt to be banned from the sites they are playing.If they do the company will block them and will not open the account again. The company will should also stop them from registering another account too.

    AdamW
    Free Member

    Mate of mine’s wife gambled away all of their joint savings on online bingo. They were both contractors and had built up a nice fund of £200k. It all went plus another £25k on credit cards.

    They tried to work it out but eventually got divorced; it forced them apart. Very sad. I think she just couldn’t stop herself. The problem is that even if you do things like block access on the router etc. a 3G phone will still get through and I bet the gits who run these things have apps to make it easier to throw away your money.

    I’ve always been weird with gambling. I only ever gamble if I know I’m going to win. That is, never.

    I think this chap needs to talk to his other half for help if he’s so far gone he can’t stop himself as he’ll need help and distraction. Otherwise the partner will end up with a hell of a surprise (like my mate) when a bill arrives (in this case a massive credit card bill).

    theotherjonv
    Full Member

    While this place is frequently a useful source of info, for serious issues like this one, get expert help.

    http://www.gambleaware.co.uk/confidential-support-and-advice

    They can advise you better than us, and in turn enable you to help your oppo in a way that will work for them.

    Good luck.

    amedias
    Free Member

    ****************

    Get expert help

    ****************

    The thing you need to keep in mind at all times, whatever action you do they take is that this will probably take some time, it will take a lot of effort for your friend and those supporting them, it will be hard, but it can be done, and the best way to do it is to help your friend to help themselves.

    The fact they’ve opened up and are talking about support is a good thing, the main thing to do now is to talk more with them about how they want to stop, and what support you can give as different things may work for different people.

    Start looking into what support is available locally, and contact them , ask them for advice on what they can do but also what you can do, and start looking into what policies/options are available to restrict access on the sites they currently use so that you are armed with information and options to discuss with your friend, same with other potential ways to limit/restrict access to funds.

    There are technical solutions/barriers that can be put in place to make it harder to access these sites, but I think they should only really be considered as part of a wider plan to quit as a committed person will always find a way round them if they try, but just making it more difficult can sometimes help by putting a mental check in each time, which in conjunction with counselling and ‘a plan’ can make all the difference.

    Not all of these steps may be needed and some of the heavy handed stuff should be kept in reserve *if* needed as ideally you want to help your friend kick the habit themselves not force them as addiction is a difficult beast to try and tame.

    badnewz
    Free Member

    Online gambling is a bleeding menace. I’ve seen two families wrecked in less than a year because of a habit that got out of control – not helped by the ubiquitous ads on TV.

    I also shared a flat with a spreadbetter who lost 30k plus in 3 months.

    Support group I guess is first port of call, I imagine they will have people who know what the best way of handling it is, e.g. stopping access to bank funds, banning themselves from sites (but there are so many of them!).

    I’d like to see online gambling made completely illegal.

    gofasterstripes
    Free Member

    While this place is frequently a useful source of info, for serious issues like this one, get expert help.

    You are, of course, right. However, I want input to help open my mind to possible routes to help I don’t know about, and, hints as to avenues/methods about which I know very little.

    buck53
    Full Member

    Remember, this isn’t a gambling problem, as such. It’s an addiction problem. As others have said gambleaware is the first port of call.

    You can’t hope to cure them of this any more than you would if the person was an alcoholic or sex addict.

    Please see gambleaware as soon as possible, I’ve experience of people struggling horribly with gambling addiction and proper, structured help really is the only option, imo.

    edlong
    Free Member

    he decided to gamble away all of their savings

    without wishing to derail the thread into a philosophical debate about free will, where people are suffering with addictions that result in compulsive behaviour, the idea of “decided to” is not quite so clear cut as implied by that statement.

    Not suggesting that people aren’t and shouldn’t be responsible for their actions.

    But I very much doubt that anyone has ever made a conscious, specific decision to gamble away all their life savings. They may have made decisions which led to that result, but that’s something quite different.

    oldnpastit
    Full Member

    I can’t help with any advice, sorry. I hope it works out, but it will be very very hard.

    A very good friend’s son became very badly addicted to gambling. They ended up with some very nasty situations involving some very unsavoury people wanting their money, and eventually sold their house to cover his losses. Even that didn’t really resolve the issue, and he’s now literally on the run from the police and has had to leave the country (in fact the EU). Fairytale marriage destroyed. I could go on, but it’s too unpleasant really.

    I really hope your friend can get out of this as it’s completely hideous.

    peterfile
    Free Member

    Get expert help

    +1

    Do it now. Get them to ban themselves from all websites and if possible, hand over their bank cards and work in cash managed by someone else.

    Family member very nearly destroyed their life due to online gambling/gaming. We were naive in thinking that we could give all the help that was needed.

    Get proper help, get it now and be prepared for a long, long road.

    benji
    Free Member

    I bet you can’t help them 😆

    beiciwr64
    Free Member

    A suggestion to halt things until he receives support.
    Get him to cancel his debit card or visa card right away.
    The bank will then issue him a new card
    Tell him that when this card arrives that he gives the envelope to someone else to open and ask this person to erase the last 3 numbers on the back of the card.
    He will still be able to make daily purchases but it can help as a boundary from making online payments.
    This is only a temporary solution so he can get some breathing space and decide on the next step.

    The next step is more difficult,gamblers don’t really accept that they have a problem only when they are down and out.
    As soon as the down phase disappears they will be ready for the next fix.
    This is not an easy illness to pinpoint and it’s also very difficult in finding a good therapist to deal with these matters.

    Best wishes to your friend and kudos to you for helping him.
    Best of luck.

    BigButSlimmerBloke
    Free Member

    I would be inclined to offer to go with them to a support group.

    This. You want to help but you probably don’t know enough about the triggers and how it works to help effectively on your own, plus you’re just not going to be there all the time.. And IME (not gambling though) addicts can be really draining, there’ll just be times when it’s not in you to help.

    gofasterstripes
    Free Member

    Due to all the helpful posts I have shared the page with him.

    Thanks everyone.

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