You know the type: in the work kitchen, someone writes “Mugs don’t clean themselves!” and other such get-a-life nonsense.

Well, some fecker(s) at work keep using my towel, which is left in the changing room to dry after I’ve showered in the mornings from riding in.

So, in the spirit of everything that is mealy mouthed and petty, help me construct a suitable busybody notice to get them to stop.

OMITN

‘I wipe my cock on this towel.’

“Given my ongoing struggle with infected skin lesions, it would be helpful if my towel remained solely for my use, saving us all from future embarrassment and discomfort”

😆

How about

“Please feel free to use my towel. BTW, I have herpes”

It might make them think twice, (although they may well avoid you completely…)

Just put a leaflet next to it for your local STD clinic with a note – “You might need this number.”

see here for inspiration…

http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/

or get a white towel, apply liberal splashes of red fabric dye….

allow to dry, wash and proceed as per usual – problem sorted

Good work, peeps. Keep them coming.

Oh, that gives me another idea…. 😉

Just stencil ‘Jock Rot towel’ on it

+1 for ‘I wipe my cock on this towel.’

Towel kept in public changing rooms. Doesn’t sound surprising that he/she thinks it’s a public towel really. Perhaps just embroider your name on it?

get some chocolate and rub a couple of stripes in it.

+1 on iDave’s fake blood idea, throw in some of cougars chocolate on a white towel and you’re sorted

In seriousness, it’s probably just that people don’t know it’s yours. If you leave it lying around in the bathroom, it’s going to get used. Presumably there’s nowhere else you can leave it?

A simple “please don’t use my towel, thanks” should be sufficient. Maybe ask work about providing an official towel for everyone else to use, if demand is there? (I can’t imagine many things more unpleasant than a communal toilet towel personally, but each to their own.)

No-where else for the towels to go, and the convention is that people leave them hanging to dry.

Which would be fine, but for the irresistible attraction my towel has to someone.

Anyway, the more offensive and upsetting, the better. I mean, it’s not like I’m going to sign the note, is it…? 😉

How about getting a very strange towel so the offender is attracted to others? My work changing room towel has a giant mini-mouse on it….

I like the blinkered approach that “I wipe my cock on this towel” will make them reel away from it gagging.

What do you think they are doing with it?

+1 for ‘I wipe my cock on this towel.’

it’d be about 10 mins before “so do I” appears/happens

what’s the attraction about you towel? too nice to resist, or so scabby already that they figure you can’t possibly mind ? 😉

just move a bit the other direction

Perhaps you need a pink bath towel with pictures of balarinas on it.

you are approaching this from entirely the wrong direction, up the ante!

you need to start using other people’s towels to wipe you arse before sticking them into the toilet bowl and flushing the loo.

also scrawl ‘i will kill again’ in lipstick on the changing room mirror.

i think my meds have arrived

Don’t some of those christmas novelty catalogues have a “named” section, you know the thing, where you can get all sorts of tat monogrammed or with a name embroidered? That would sort out any confusion as to ownership.

I like the towel with skiddies idea myself!

Get a new towel and make the old one sacrificial, sprinkle something on it which will itch like hell or react with water and make a right mess when used – powdered paint/glue/itching powder ?

How about “Please don’t use my towel”…just a thought.

Or don’t keep it in the shower room ? I use the shower at work no way am I leaving my towel in there…

You could also consider bringing in a nice soft fluffy and attractive towel and leaving it as a decoy.

Server rooms are good for drying towels btw.

I think that “I wipe my cock on this towel” leaves an opportunity for someone to reply “so do I”, “me too” etc. You could get a few messages.
My suggestion would be to get a towel from home and starch the living daylights out of it. Take it in and hang it up with a sign next to it; “please feel free to use my w@nk towel”.

“please feel free to use my w@nk towel”.

Opportunity for even more messages 🙂

“Thanks, I did, feels just like my w@nk sock at home”

Poison Ivy

Server rooms are good for drying towels btw.

I’m not being held responsible for bringing down a national telecoms network for this..!

I have a means of “protecting” the towel once it’s dry, but just wanted to stir some sh*t before doing so.

Don’t bother with notes, just spaff on it and then let them use it.

Get some brown dye. With a little experiment you should be able to cover the towel in fake skid marks.

Failing that, get an old towel from home and cover it in some kind of itching powder or something like that, then who ever keeps on scratching themselves in the office…punch them in the face.

Someone kept using my margarine in the fridge at work so I added a note which said I hoped they enjoyed my marge…by the way I spit in it. Someone pointed out that it might have encouraged people to spit in it too, so telling people you wipe your c0ck on it might just encourage them to do the same.

Friend of mine had a similar fridge problem at uni, he simply left an open pack of pate on the radiator overnight then put it back in the fridge. Somebody else ate the pate, the food thefts stopped…

I had a margarine theft issue at my last place of work. It sounds petty and I don’t really begrudge someone a bit of marge, but when I buy a full tub and get two uses out of it before coming back an empty tub in the fridge(*), it’s really not on.

I fixed it by lacing a mostly used tub with a metric sh!tload of salt. A couple of days of finding toast and sandwiches in the bin, and no-one stole it again.

(* – and what’s up with that anyway, people are happy to use up all my stuff but can’t throw away the empty box because that’s some sort of bigger crime? Weirdos)

so telling people you wipe your c0ck on it might just encourage them to do the same

“I’ve wiped my bits on this.”

“So have I!”

“Oh dear – you’d better get down to the clinic as well then.”

Draw a chalk outline of a body in magic marker on the towel, complete with Handgun. Write along the bottom “Heaven is a handgun” . Might make them think twice about using it.
Cant you get an old red towel, and liberally soak it in beetroot / red food dye. When someone uses it they get permanent hand stains , laser toner powder is good for this too .

laser toner powder is good for this too .

… if you’re happy with giving your co-workers cancer.

… if you’re happy with giving your co-workers cancer.

Yeah, pretty much.

No way . really? So those refill kits you can buy online are carcingenic?
My old boss used to cover his hands with the powder when refilling the toner cartridges . Thats why i suggested it, as he couldnt wash it off .

I would go for the herpes suggestion if I were you… as an extra measure simply get a genital herpes infection and be sure to show the lesions off to your work colleagues as often as possible…

The method worked for me and keeps my other half well away from my towels at home..

I think I might just leave them a small note…

…and the number for the clap clinic.

Cougar – stop being so po-faced.