So… Mrs P is now 4 and a bit months up the duff, due date is in August, happy days! 🙂

Anyhoo, she’s had a crap first 4 months, no morning sickness or nausea, but real issues with being ‘blocked up’ down below (she suffers from IBS at the best of times, so I don’t think pregnancy is helping this at all!). She’s also had pretty much a continuous cold since November and zero energy, so she hasn’t been able to go to the gym at all (normally goes 2-3 times a week at least, pre-preggers), so that’s not helping either… in addition to this, she’s stressing about work, the prospect of maybe moving back home (Australia) and god knows what else, so she’s not sleeping well either 🙁

it’s got to the point now that she’s really depressed and miserable and sick and tired of everyone saying ‘oh, that’s alright dear, it’s just because you’re pregnant…”

I really want to help, giving lots of hugs and trying to be positive myself, but this doesn’t seem to be helping, if anything it’s making it worse…

So… what can I do? Any advice from those who’ve been through this (’cause it’s such a rare thing, pregnancy) would be appreciated, men & women of STW, I call for your internet knowledge! 🙂

Difficult to answer your specific questions as you know your wife better than any of us. But just be there for her – listen when she wants it, back off when she needs it. Just make sure she knows you are there when she needs you.

Hang on in there – it’s worth it when the nipper arrives 🙂

As somebody with only 10 days until the ‘happy day’ I can say – fahgettaboudit. Don’t get me wrong, you can try, but she will certainly have points when she is not happy.

Go riding or the pub.

Be nice though, from what I can tell it ain’t that nice.

So… what can I do?

Talk to her? Wtf you asking us?!

Pregnancy can be hard though, unfortunately. A bit of WTFU might be all that can be done.

Talk to her? Wtf you asking us?!

Trying to guv, but she’s not hugely conducive to conversation right now! Plus, I’m at home on a day off and she’s at work, so I’m wasting time on here talking with you guys 😉

If she’s “blocked up” out back, I’m sure you can think of some activity to help relax the muscles… 😉

I’d think the best way to make her happy would be to give me the HD Mojo when it’s built up!

congrats 🙂

can’t offer any advice, but congrats on the mini-psychle!

Wait till she’s had it. You might discuss the pregnancy and the birth and exclaim on how god-awful it was and she’ll look at you with a quizzical look in her eye.

“Awful? Nope, my pregnancy and birth were fantastic, I can’t wait to have another one.”
“But, my sweet,” you will implore “you constantly told me how bad it was and gave me a right old runaround. You stabbed me with a kitchen knife three times and once tried to reverse the car over my head.”

She won’t remember it. Hormones or something. But you will. And they question why men die younger.

Bring her a warm cup of milk and a bit of plum cake before bed, every day.

I kept getting told off for being a bloke and trying to solve everything.

What my Mrs really wanted was tea and sympathy.

Trying to guv, but she’s not hugely conducive to conversation right now!

You just have to approach it right.

“Come on love, just tell me what you want. How hard can it be? What’s the matter with you?” for example won’t cut it 🙂

What my Mrs really wanted was tea and sympathy

Sounds about right…

I got wrong for trying to fix things all the time when in fact all they want is listened too and sympathy. It’s hard because I fix stuff at work but women arent IT systems. They are far more complex!

Maybe spend a day do a nursery or pram shopping and a gentle walk to get her moving around from there. Lunch etc.

Being in a similar situ as your Mrs. I shall say sometimes I want sympathy which can be shown in getting little gifts of food or drinks for me from the cabinet, or a special treat from the store.
Sometimes I want a good back rub, sometimes I’d rather not be touched however as my skin is often irritated.
Gentle encouragement to get out for walks in the sunshine (for endorphins and vit-D).
A shopping spree for lovely preggy clothes which fit well and feel good (bamboo shirts are lush against the belly).
Ask if you can rub her belly (and maybe get some Lush massage bars to help moisturise as well as make it easier/gentler to rub). If you’re ok about feet ask if you can rub her feet.

Best thing to do tho is talk talk talk. Listen to her talk about this ache and that ache (think about the new brakes you want to get -but be there enough to respond properly), ask if there’s any solution she knows (but solutions are not always what’s wanted, sometimes just the listening is enough).

And while she may forget abt how awful pregnancy is…she may well not (it took me about a year to forget how ‘lovely’ it all was) so be prepared for her saying hahahahah NEVER AGAIN! 😉

Don’t shag a nurse to celebrate the birth of your child, then point out your self-sacrifice and she will realise just how wonderful you are.

I kept getting told off for being a bloke and trying to solve everything.

What my Mrs really wanted was tea and sympathy.

This.

Me and Mrs shmuk are expecting our first at the end of May.

Men are generally very solution-oriented and think there’s some practical solution to their partners emotional fluctuations.

There isn’t.

I’ve learnt that often the most helpful response is empathy & availability.

Our’s is due in July and crankgirl is fab and not at all moody or hard to live with.

she also visits this forum.

So it’s:

May: Shmuklet
July: Crank-kid
August: Mini Psychle, Lil Grips MkII

Any more?

May for my first.

Wife is great pregnant! it suits her and apart from one memorable strop it has been incident free.

I am thankful every day for a hassle free pregnancy and always wary that it could change at any minute

And they question why men die younger.

It’s because we want too.

August for Mini-Nanny number 3. Sorry World! 😀

However, I was congratulated by one of the retired swiss guys in the gym the other morning(I live in CH) for “increasing the Caucasian population of Switzerland”. 🙄 This was a ‘very good thing’ in his eyes.

To psychle, I think many have said that it is a very tough and emotional time being preggers, it certainly was for me when the missus was due our first so I can’t imagine how it felt for her 😉 (me being a normal sort of bloke, i was surprised that I couldn’t sing the song “wires” by Athlete in the run up to the birth without my voice cracking and tears running down my face in the car 😆 ).

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPUlichsfQg[/video]

For this one, she also felt absolutely terrible for the first 3 months, and just being there, doing the neccesary, not pestering for sex (me? Never!), tea/cake etc seemed to help, as did gentle encouragement to go the dr. Which in the end did help as she got something to stop the 24hr vomiting.

Also, not wanting to jump to solutions, but swimming is pretty good for my missus physical wellbeing.

The rest of life will sort itself out, just focus on your missus, bump, and your happiness. Family. Wonderful.

**** last statement, but it is most important.

HTH! 😀

Kev

Just do as you are told

Mrs Scamper due in September with our first 😀

Took me a while to recognise/adjust to the hormones. Talk, cuddle and listen is what i’d suggest.

As said up there, be supportive and don’t try to solve the problems like a bloke – sometimes they don’t want that and just want listening to. Keep doing nice things when you get the chance, make positive plans, find a local spa that does maternity treatments – just stuff that is nice and for her. Don’t forget – you are part of the reason she is in this state!

I just ate loads, put on 20 lbs then told everyone this pregnancy was hell on my body 😀

Bulk Lush massage bars ordered 😆

Got a second one due in July too. The Missus is a great Mum, but really bad at being pregnant. First time around it was 24 hour vomiting for pretty much the whole nine months, very limited foodstuffs that could be kept down, that kind of thing. There’s only so many things you can cook with potatoes before you start dreaming of other carbs! What I wouldn’t do for some rice or pasta!

Second time around, since October/November the Morning Sickness has been back. Not much I can do to ease the sickness, so I content myself with doing what’s suggested above, listen, empathise and sympathise (with tea/cakes/toast whatever works). That’s pretty much it. Oh yes, and if it all gets a bit much for you, take yourself off and do the ironing, hoovering or other housework type activity. It’s mundane but it takes your mind off things and lets you calm down, and when it’s done there’s one less chore for you to do!

STW baby club.

our first is due in august as well… things not helped by me in and out of hospital and her constant vomiting.. Sudden’y I really enjoy doing overtime (and keeping out of the way a lot!)

mini-eck due in August too.

mrs eck has been pretty lucky with how she’s felt throughout so can’t offer much advice but maybe try to sort out a few post-birth things to suprise her and take a weight off her mind.

or paint the nursery

Keepinng her happy is one thing, but a couple of words which I hope will help. During our pregnancy Mrs Mc suffered bowel problems later on. – slight frame, huge baby – and then there was the GP.

Whatever you do, don’t let your GP give her iron tablets! Mrs Mc, when about 2 weeks from due was struggling with bowel constriction, despite a lifetime veggie/ wholefood/ natural/ unprocessed diet. In our naivety we said yes to iron tablets. – That was the final straw. It was about two weeks later after the birth that she moved her bowel, and as a consequence she has suffered from the internal stretching and damage ever since. She still needs to take special care many years later as a result.

I mostly blame the GP.

So tackle it early. No iron tablets, exercise, make sure she has a very unprocessed diet, take additional ground flax seed, figs, whatever it takes, because it will get worse before it gets better.

And enjoy the rest!

Pay her more attention, sell some bikes and spend time on pram forums instead of bike ones. Seriously (ish).

Whatever you do, don’t let your GP give her iron tablets!

Well anaemia can be worse than constipation*

* which isn’t always a problem…

i think the best thing you can do is cook loads of good food for her.
she will feel betterer for it and it scores high on the showing you care ladder.

Just remember its all your fault
Everything

Even that bit I have not thought about yet.

Its a sunny day so you could try to pick her up from work tonight and go for a little walk and some food.

I think syrop of figs is also helpful.

Don’t watch “one born every minute”

Nick
Wonderchild#2 due in 6 weeks ❗

philconsequences guide to keeping the babyfactory running smooth during pregnancy:

1) give her an extra 10-15mins to prepare your dinner, dont get me wrong.. it should still be ready for when you get home…. but you need to be aware it takes her longer to move around no-mans-land (the kitchen) and prepare your food. suggest to her she starts preparing your meal earlier to make up for the time difference.

2) make a harness that allows her to strap the hoover to her waist. she can then waddle around the house and just drag the hoover behind her, remind her of what an awesome man you are for creating such an energy saving device… it’ll make her proud to be with you and thus cheer up the baby inside.

3) remind her that its not as bad as being kicked in the nuts, its important she retains some perspective.

4) ensure she remembers that eating for 2 will mean more weight to loose after the babies fallen out before she looks presentable enough to take out in public, she’ll appreciate that you’re looking out for her future interests and taking an active role in her wellbeing.

Anaemia can’t strike in 2 weeks. A period slightly low in iron is very normal for a pregnant woman, the fetus gets what it wants. And also it won’t give her lifelong bowel problems!

Its also mostly an invented Western “disease” anyway. And excess iron is incredibly toxic.

20 years ago the blood donor folks stopped me from giving blood unless I took iron tablets. What a load of rubbish! Sadly for them, I had to tell them where to put that advice, and have unfortunately not given blood since.

Oh dear. Due date in August you say? I hate to break this to you, but its going to get a lot lot worse.

Just you wait until May, June, July. Your wife’s tolerance of you, and the world in general, will plummet in inverse proportion to the rise in temperature. I kid you not

Believe me, by July you’ll be looking back at this period as some kind of genteel golden age. A time of rationality and reason and hearty good cheer.

Hope that helps 😀

Blimey if I recall correctly the 2nd trimester is the easy bit, tin hat on for the third.

Anaemia can’t strike in 2 weeks

It can when you were low to start with, couldn’t each much all pregnancy then bleed tons post partum… But regardless of how long it takes to ‘strike’ it still needs addressing, is my point. Possibly urgently depending.

Its also mostly an invented Western “disease” anyway

Is it bloody hell.

what really grinds my gears is that when women get pissy because they’re ill, pregnant, fat or whatever, men have to pussyfoot around them trying to second-guess what is wrong but not being allowed to come up with a rational solution, rather literally sugar-coating everything with chocolates and presents and sympathy until another ‘issue’ comes along needing immediate attention.
when men are in a similar situation we’re told we have to man-up, or that we’ve got man-flu. we might get a cup of tea out of it, but no offer of a solution or medicating sex or anything we actually want.
Good luck with the pregnancy by the way. 🙂