It was Amy Winehouse.

Close escape…

This guy

was a bit pissed off once when we got encores at The Paradiso in Amsterdam and his lot didn’t…

I drunkenly told Matt Dawson how cool it was that he’d knocked out an Italian player in that days match. He wasn’t impressed, but told the bouncers it was ok with a nod. I shook his hand and had a great night at “Home” club, ignoring the England squad and blithering on in a loved up way at attractive women.

Swore heavily in front of a singer from an indie band’s parents. They looked quite shocked! I was only sympathising with him at how bad the crowd were, sitting on the effin floor while his lot were playing.

I called Colin Murray the C word at Glastonbury one year. Apparently he mentioned it on the Colin and Edith show afterwards, I feel a bit bad about it now cos he’s quite good on MOTD2.

Pissed Robert Plant off one night. My old man went to school with him and he still drinks at a pub in the area. Apparently I was sitting on his stool and I refused to move. Went right off on one and asked me if I knew who I was, I replied “the little gob shite my old man went to school with”

He calmed down once my old man walked in. My lad now has guitar lessons from him when ever he goes up there.

There’s only one answer when anyone says “don’t you know who I am” really, isn’t there. And I can’t type it because it’ll get caught in the swear filter.

I think I annoyed that Djangoly bloke that’s MP for Huntingdonshire.

It was just before the last election and he was canvassing outside the big Tesco when I asked whether he supported Trident replacement and why. He seemed to think it was an awesome idea because it would prevent terrorism, completely missing the point of the “Strategic Nuclear Deterrent”. I gave him a rough time over it and he had to go for a sit down afterwards.

Oddly, I didn’t feel too bad.

Spilt a pint of Guiness down the back of Vinny Jones’s shirt many years ago whilst on a works do at the Dover Street Wine Bar in London village.

Also, turned a corner to walk in to The Great Western Arcade, Birmingham only to be met face to face with a running Naomi Campbell. I wasn’t particularly watching where is was going and she could’nt stop. Her 6 stone against my 14 stone – one of us ended up on our arse and i’m please to say it wasn’t me! Foul mouthed primadonna!! Fit though to be honest!

I was waiting to check out of a hotel in Sheffield and Stephen Hendry was in front of me in the queue, because the snooker was on that week I cheerily asked how he was getting on; “I’m **** checking out aren’t I”.

MrsBouy knows Charlie Higson and Paul Whitehouse from back in the day when they lived in Bow (that Lonjon) (and just before The Fast Show became “brilliant!”)
Anyhoo’s they were trying once to get an upright piano into thier then council flat through a 6th story window cos’ it wouldn’t go up the stairs.. Oh the hilarity, she pissed Charlie off by not helping when he almost put his back out, they only exchange clances and nods to this day, Paul still says hello and occasionally they laugh about “the old days”
She’s often comments at how bloody funny they were back then siting hours of belly aching laughs, to this day I thnk they still are hilarious.

Got moved out of a train carriage for upsetting Tony Christie of Amarillo fame. It was around the time The Way to Armadillo had been rereleased and it was playing everywhere. I’d been bumped into first class because the train was packed and my travelling companion to me mentioned that he was in the carriage – cue me launching into a foul mouthed tirade about how much I hated that song and possibly some choice comments about his person too*.

The next thing I know the hostess lady asks me to move and sits me in the vestibule on one of the folders, it turns out that he was in fact sitting in the seat immediately behind mine and had overheard everything I said. He gave me an impressive set of evils when he got off.

*I was somewhat tired and emotional.

Eric Bristow called me a w@nker after I beat him at darts at the launch of his biography in about 2008.
To be fair I was doing a victory jig at the time.
And the only reason I beat him was because he was absolutely trollied.

I once made Rolf Harris annoyed, Ok it was the other people but he vented his frustrations at me. Felt bad for ages – right up till about three years ago for some reason.

Pissed off Richard Griffiths when I asked him to move out of the way of the bar. It was a table service only venue and he was constantly blocking the way with his not inconsiderable size as I tried to get customers their drinks. It that a rubbish enough one?

I had Davey Jones from the Monkees go into melt down in the One Stop in worked when i was 16 in Denmead, Hampshire because we didn’t have the small cigars in stock that he came in for most sundays, i didn’t know who he was, so as he was walking out i asked a colleague who the “dwarf in the stetson” was (he owned a horse stud up the road) and he heard me.

Not me but a friend.

This was back in the 90’s when Whigfield had that Saturday Night track in the charts. My mate saw her in Manchester on Saturday night (funnily enough). He shouted “Hey Whiggy. NA NE NA NE NA.” She glared at him and told him to eff off.

Mike Harding.

Was on a MTB weekend in a group of 20+ staying at the bunk barn in Chapel-le-Dale. We all trundled across to the pub over the road for something to eat and a few beers (we even had a booking) and Mike was in there with a few Folkie mates having a bit of a jam session. He clearly wasn’t happy that we all turned up to his private pub and acted like a bit of a grumpy little shit towards anyone who came within a few yards of him.

Nob.

A former colleague (and proper hard bastard) was at the check in queue in CDG on the way home from a particulalry long service visit somewhere ghastly when Jacques Cousteau pushed in at the front amidst a flurry of “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?”s.

Bill the service engineer blobbed him one.

HtS – surely it’s Nob not Knob?

Many occasions – Caroline Aherne. Well known for liking a few dozens drinks, we’ve had to carry her one arm/leg each and throw her in a taxi.

Northwind – Member

I inadvertantly enraged the drummer from Feeder. That was quite funny but he killed himself about a week later. I don’t think it was entirely because of me…

Oddly, I know the replacement drummer (my wife knows his wife really), but to this date i don’t believe I’ve ever pissed him off. I would thank you for getting him the opportunity, but as we was already quite successful and still is, i don’t think it made a big difference. And I’m not sure he ever felt truly at home with feeder so you may have inadvertently pissed both their drummers off in some way.

And also Mike Harding. He was filming something in Durham when I was a tired and emotional student, and we kept shouting to him to do ‘Mexican Whistler’

Graham LeSaux pissed me off at Mountain Mayhem by hogging the Shimano mechanics when I wanted them to check my gears out. “Ooh Mr. Celebrity footballer, it takes 4 of us to look at your pissy little bike because you’ve got a famous face. bum lick bum lick”.
I just mumbled “I’ll come back later”. Bastard.

Not me, but a mate who was with us… Mountain Mayhem 2012 I think, we got some scoff and there were no free tables so we joined one with a lone bloke sitting at it.

Sat down & realised it was Guy Martin, but said nothing in the casual way that you pretend not to know someone famous… then my mate starts chirping up ‘Don’t I know you? I’m sure I know you from somewhere!… it’ll come to me in a minute… were you at blah blah blah… this went on for what seemed like an eternity (much to my amusement) until he finally got fed up & left

I inadvertantly enraged the drummer from Feeder. That was quite funny but he killed himself about a week later.

I’m getting frowned at in the office for laughing stupidly at this 😆

Jack Steadman ( lead singer of Bombay Bicycle club) tried to cop a feel at an after party a couple of years ago, that boy would not take no for an answer 😆 he was pretty pissed up though. Took my ex gf to finally convince him ha ha

Many years ago, living in France, a free outdoor concert. Support act was De Palmas, who were ace! Sadly, the headliner was Paul Young.

So, a group of us, British ex-patriots, stayed on for the headline act. At the time, Mr Young was exploring new artistic avenues, getting in touch with Cajun rhythms, feeling the true spirit of the delta blues. All very worthy.

Every single time there was even the slightest lull or quiet moment, we all yelled, “Where’s your hat, Paul?” or “Do the song about your hat!”

He looked rather dis-chuffed!

Pissed up in some nightclub in Covent Garden a bloke pushed in front of me at the bar. I expressed my iritation and he came back with the toe-curling “do you know who I am?”.

I didn’t. And I told him so, as well as pointing out that it wouldn’t make any difference if I did.

Apparently he had been on Big Brother (Bubble I think his name was), so that makes me quite proud of the incident.

Once did a poo in a toilet in the lake district and when i came out of the cubicle Andy Crane off childrens BBC was stood outside waiting his turn. He didnt look impressed with the odour.

I was sick on Bill Beaumont’s shoes after drinking a heroic amount of beer in Leeds in the late 90s. He looked less than impressed.

Paul Young’s road manager (when he was in The Q-Tips) once told me to get myself and my partially-dismantled drums out of the way outside the stage entrance to the marquee at a Cambridge May Ball once. Needless to say, it slowed me down quite a lot – queue Pauly having to thread his way through my collection of Tama bits and pieces…

There’s only one answer when anyone says “don’t you know who I am”

No, but if you look in your wallet for identification it might help you remember…

Once did a poo in a toilet in the lake district and when i came out of the cubicle Andy Crane off childrens BBC was stood outside waiting his turn. He didnt look impressed with the odour.

I hate that. You always think ‘shit did I leave it 100% clean’ (like the person will fly out of the toilets shouting at you/pointing in the pub after hes finished

Cougar – Moderator

There’s only one answer when anyone says “don’t you know who I am” really, isn’t there. And I can’t type it because it’ll get caught in the swear filter.
Im hoping the reply is something like “this isn’t a game of who the F are you”??

I keep failing to bring Michelle Keegan to climax.
I’ve no idea if this upsets her or not but it bothers me quite a lot.

Pretty sure she’s never felt a thing samuri.

Had a twitter argument/troll with Mikill Pane.. 😕

An MP recently called me ‘about as useful as a cat flap on a submarine’.

In this instance he might have been correct…..

Just a bit…ha

Picture the scene, I was in the Fairmonte Hotel Casino in Monaco last year during GP week when I noticed a well known British heavyweight boxer.

As I walked past him I said “Audley, any chance of a photo?” the guy stopped in his tracks, looked and said “did you call me F*kcing Audley?” to which I replied “yes”. After I got quite an intense look as he said ” F*kc off and no you cant have a photo!”

My mates were in crying with laughter as I realised that it was actually Derek Chisora, he want a happy bunny…. Classic!

He did leave the casino before me, I think I scared him! ha

Most days.

Cool story, bro.

Annoyed Jeffrey Archer hugely once when he was canvassing in Nottingham, by following hi around all over the city – along with about 7 other Goths/Rockers – pointing and laughing.

I thought it was only reasonable – he’s annoyed the hell out of me many times!

A mixture of me and a guy called Dave brooks, back in the day I was a fairly good judo player, and trained at Wolverhamton a couple of times a week with most of the British squad, caught Elvis Gordon absolutely clean, Dave brooks (one of the wolvo coaches together with Mack Abbott) saw it and rushed over taking the piss. Elvis took the joke not too well and suddenly tried a lot harder (I felt the full wrath of his favourite technique) I didn’t mind you didn’t train there if you couldn’t take it

I once bumped into Nicola Larini at Silverstone, knocking him to the ground. He was proper miffed but Eddie Irvine enjoyed the moment enough to buy me a pint.

Later, it turned out, his crap quali performance and retirment from the race had something to do with the twisted ankle he received.