A couple of incidents come to mind for me…

One was at the Macavalanche (poor man’s megavalanche at Glencoe); whilst I was checking my qualifying time, quite a well known female MTB racer came up, invaded my personal space and brushed herself against me… bear in mind that we had met previously and she had spilled out some quite deep personal information, so I’d been doing my best to comfort her.

Whilst she is no doubt an attractive woman, it was pretty awkward,

A. because I was in a relationship at the time (which to be fair had been in a bad way for a while but I was concerned for the welfare of my step-daughter at the time, so perservered)

B. because her previous partner was really quite famous and I really didn’t want any of the potential fallout from such attention.

Long story short, whilst that encounter itself is of no real consequence to me, other people’s reactions to it and the string of events that resulted have caused no end of bother.

Including the 2nd incident, which still used by others against me to this day…

another quite well known female MTBer began using certain unconventional methods to capture my attention; to start with, I kinda figured it was a wind up as a result of inside knowledge of the 1st incident and tried to convey the silliness of it all, considering I’d been recovering from injury and was far from my best.

I’m not sure if a relationship with a girl who smoke me on a bike would work that well really; surely she’d get bored of a slowcoach and then of course there was the age gap, which didn’t really sit well with me, especially as it was around the time the Prince Andrew/Jeffrey Epstein thing was in the press~ Whilst there was no element of prostitution, arms dealing or girls as young as 12, it still felt a bit wrong and inappropriate. It didn’t help that I remembered sending her Dad a CV when I finished my apprenticeship and I worked out how old she must’ve been then~ it didn’t sit well with me.

Time went on and I thought it’d all been forgotten about, but various things happened which suggested otherwise, amongst which included me turning up to marshall at a race, her seeing me as she was driving her van away from the pits and coming to a stop, then looking at me expectantly. For the reasons mentioned above and the fact I was caught up in some stuff that genuinely led me to worry about her safety, I ignored her and walked by, but still the harrasment continued.

The long and short of it is, eventually I felt pressured into doing something about it, which resulted in me getting very drunk in a situation I shouldn’t have been in.

And that hell hath no fury thing…

Truth be told, the incidents alone don’t bother me that much, it’s the collective reactions I’ve experienced from people since.

Anyone have any similar tales of woe?

Iainc tried to ride me on a GMBC trip once…

I was drugged (GHB being the most likely culprit) and sexually assaulted by a male colleague when I was on a uni work placement. Does that count?

a relationship with a girl who smoke me on a bike

I don’t even know how thats possible without falling off.

Iainc tried to ride me on a GMBC trip once…

…but he fell off and hurt himself?

Literally no idea what scenarios were attempted to be depicted there. What actually happened? Did you hide the sausage?

Is ‘brushed up against me’ a euphemism/does it mean something different where you come from?

If not then I get advances dozens of times a day on busy trains, from men and women alike. I dont always get an erection though.

I’m guessing the opposite of hiding the sausage is sausage remaining in full view…

“The long and short of it is, eventually I felt pressured into doing something about it, which resulted in me getting very drunk in a situation I shouldn’t have been in.”

Are you asking if anyone has been in a situation where they have regretted their actions due to beer resulting in playing naked hugging?

…but he fell off and hurt himself?

Face first, top bunk.

I was standing in a queue in a chip shop with my mate when a couple of girls came and stood behind us and I felt a hand slip round my waist and down the front of my trousers.

I was so shocked that it must have taken me a full minute before I emailed my solicitor to get him to draft a 7 day cease and desist order.

😀

Anyone have any similar tales of woe?

Not similar to that, no. You’re a man of unusual mystery JHJ.

Forgive me if I’m misreading your post OP, but that reads more like a humble brag rather than a genuine case of unwanted sexual contact.

I had too much to drink at a music festival and my female friends took me into their tent, undressed me and groped me up.

eta: Like a button mushroom apparently 🙁

Unrequited – yes
Unwanted – no.

Always nice to be reminded that I’m sexy, even if I do have to turn them down.

.
(Note for the hard of thinking: This is a joke…)

Used to work as a glass collector in a busy city centre pub when I was a student. Par for the course was drunken women trying to grab a handful as I went past hands occupied with a tray of glasses. One time I was so surprised I remember I dropped the whole tray and the glasses smashed onto the floor everywhere. The woman got thrown out by the door staff 😆
Same bar I also had my bum fondled by one of the staff, a nice irish lass, we carried on after work and had various physical entanglements over several weeks. Ahhh memories.

Always nice to be reminded that I’m sexy, even if I do have to turn them down.

So smoking hot you’re on fire.

(Joke intended)

eta: Like a button mushroom apparently

You’ve got a prolapsed anus? I’d hope my friends would inform me as well.

The fact that I have a faint resemblance to David Schwimmer but not actually being David Schwimmer means that this kind of approach never happens to me.

Like a button mushroom apparently

That’s teatime ruined.

The OP sounds like someone testing the waters of sexism… and already it seems nobody takes this seriously coming from a man. If it were a woman, you’d have the Cougars and (I forget the other few sexism junkies on here) jumping down anyone’s throats for being so light hearted.

If it IS serious, do you mind, OP, if I pm you my address so you can print wee cards out and pass them on next time this unfortunate incident happens. I would be willing to help someone in need and let them culprits get it all out of their systems 😉

You have to make a joke out of it as a bloke, precisely because no one does take it seriously.

The universe is one giant absurd joke and everything is out to **** you, you think we’re missing out? I think women are missing out on the catharsis of bleak, dark humour.

The day I sit in on a group therapy session, telling everyone how I feel and hugging complete **** **** – is the day I do myself in with a shotgun and a bottle of scotch. 😀

Do old men in the 70s count? Most inappropriate, most unwanted. One in a public toilet (infamous for it apparently), one in a local old fella’s shed… they didn’t get anywhere I might add! Not even sure if my parents informed the police.

Old men in the 70’s are double points.

I worked as a coalman in the early 80’s. we were delivering miners coal to new housing estates in Selby.
I went up to a front door and knocked to give the customer their card.
a woman opened the door with a dressing gown on, it was open all the way down, and she was naked underneath.
I proper shit myself, and without looking into her face, I hurridly thrust the card into her hand, and made my speedy retreat back to the wagon.

all I can remember of the encounter was a very hairy mott, which caught my eye.

I never knew you were in your 70s Dez!?

all I can remember of the encounter was a very hairy mott, which caught my eye.

Serves you right for going in for a closer look!

without looking into her face, I hurridly thrust…

I was hoping for so much more.

Yes, a former mate of mine got pissed up and asked to have sex with me (we’re both male and supposedly straight).

I think possibly the most insulting thing was he made it clear that he wanted to shag me, and the only thing in it for me was he’d be “quick”.

I said, erm, no thanks and it made it out to be a joke, but it wasn’t.

His life is a real mess these days, a string of failed straight relationships, alcohol and problems with the police (drink driving) I sometimes wonder if he’s living in the closet and his problems come from that. **** odd bloke though, only values women like objects, only dates ‘Blondes’ that’s what he called him, “this blonde came into the shop the other day”.

When I was about 15 following a dodgy hot dog van lunch I was sat in a public loo crimping one off. There were a few holes in the wooden loo wall, and after hearing someone enter the next cubicle, a few moments later the entrant shoved his angry todger through one of the aforementioned hole’s. Luckily I had just finished the wiping, so whilst a little freaked, I just departed the loo and never looked back. After all, I’d already eaten.

Ton…. you weren’t filling in for Pat Mustard were you mate?

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LEipG31iAC4[/video]

🙂

binners, all I remember is that I was shit scared. 😆

OP is so roundabout they may as well be a traffic island. Spit it out, what are you talking about?

I think the OP is trying to say that one female MTBer tried it on with him, possibly by flashing him, but he didn’t take it any further.

Then another female MTBer also tried it on with him because she thought he’d shagged the first one and she wanted a bit as well. OP thought she was too young but got drunk and shagged her any way. but now he feels bad about it because he once sent his CV to her dad!

Not really sure of the point the OP is trying to make though…..

binners, all I remember is that I was shit scared.

Mott the Poople?

I’ve been sexually assaulted at work. 🙁

Had a few friends round for drinks one night donkey’s years ago. Waiting to go to the loo, currently occupied by a mate’s girlfriend. She came out, was upset about something, we chatted for a minute. She came closer as though to give me a hug, nothing odd there, then looked me in the eyes and then moved in for a kiss.

In the split second I had to process this, I turned my head away and turned it into a hug. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t fancy her, but she was the partner of one of my best friends and I’m not a bastard. She had a bit of a cry, then she went back downstairs and I went for a wee a bit stunned thinking “did that just really happen?”

I think the word mott is much under-used. Not heard it for ages 😆

I don’t think I’ve ever heard it in that context.