Because I’m going through it right now for no real reason that I can pinpoint, and it would be good to know that I’m not the only one who’s ever felt like this.

On paper, I don’t really have anything significant to worry about, other than the normal day to day stuff that everyone deals with. I work 3 days a week in a super stable job that I enjoy and that’s going well. The rest of the week I’m self employed and that’s doing ok too. I have an amazing partner. My baby daughter turns 1 this weekend. I’ve got two older kids who live with us more than half the week, and they’re happy and balanced and doing very well at school.

But I’m down. Really down. And I don’t know why.

I feel sick with worry. I feel like I’m letting everyone down, including the kids. And I’m absolutely terrified of the future. And all for no real reason. It’s weird.

Throughout my life, I’ve always been the most laid back one in whatever group of friends I’m with, but I think the last few years have only just caught up with me and I’m feeling battered. I’ll not go into details, but from my perspective at least, I’ve had a pretty tough time.

My other half persuaded me to visit the doc’s last week, and right on cue I broke down in the surgery. He prescribed me Citalopram and a course of counselling, for which I guess there’s a big waiting list?

Maybe it’s the side effects of the first few days on this medication? Maybe not. Either way, I could do with hearing some success stories right now.

when i was in my first year of GCSE’s i really hit a wall, thinking that the next few months were what determined the rest of my life, really didn’t like being around anyone and couldnt get any energy to do anything and even got to a point where depression seriously hit.

then came a point where i blurted out in a class and open up to a teacher about it all and got given the whole “it’s not just you going through this” thing.

i went to see someone about it and they got me to write down the things that i really enjoyed and took my mind off of it. cycling came out on top and that’s what i’ve done ever since. so when i feel stuck in a rut, I get out on the bike and let loose.

never feel like your not good enough, your family will just be happy with your presence and will be happy with whatever you do.

kids dont care about income or goals, they care about playing with their dad and curly wurlys.

get out and enjoy the little things and don’t worry about things you cant change.

chin up man…

You have made the biggest and hardest step by admitting you have a problem. The recovery starts here.

Mind is a great place to start. I would also be looking into CBT, lots of private councillors are accessible too. Sadly, waiting times for NHS help are very long.

Good luck.

Sorry to hear you are feeling this way, my missus went through something similar and had exactly the same prescription and counselling your doctor has suggested for you – this was about 2 years ago and is starting to come off the anti-depressants now.
At the start one thing that really helped her was this book. If you are a reader maybe it could help you too?
Hope everything works out for you, I know everyone is different but the drugs, counselling and getting an understanding of stress/depression/anxiety really had made a huge difference to my other half.
RM.

I think its possible to overthink this and get yourself into a darker place than is necessary. I’m not saying you’re doing anything wrong, I am just suggesting that the power of positive thinking can help more than any pills or counselling.

When the darkness descends, focus on the light (positive, happy thoughts) and hopefully it will become a habit for you. (if thats no help….sorry!)

At work, so can’t write much. But sounds like you could have clinical depression. It’s a treatable illness.
Meds can help, if you find the right ones. But also – in my own experience – more sleep, less booze, better eating and actively trying to give less of a **** about things were also very important. I’ve wasted too much of my life stressing and obsessing.
Also, you are certainly not alone. It’s a common disease. You will probably find a sympathetic audience here.

I know lots of people who have taken citalopram. I seem to recall it takes a while to really have a noticeable effect but I have seen some really positive results with it.

He prescribed me Citalopram

Awesome drug, saved my life about 7 years ago. To be honest I’ve been on it (low dose) ever since and I’m much happier and nicer for it. My low level angst (which I’ve had all my life) just goes away.

I seem to recall it takes a while to really have a noticeable effect

They used to say SSRIs took a few weeks to work, but more recent studies have shown a measurable difference in cognitive response after a few hours.

Personally I found it had a huge affect in just a few days, I went from about 1 hr sleep a night (walking zombie) to sleeping 5-6 hours in a few days. Took a few months to get back to normal.

Been there and 18months on I still am but on the mend. Just because the symptoms aren’t visible to the naked eye, doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Certainly don’t underestimate the harm that anxiety and bad stress can do to your body & mind but at least you’ve acknowledged its presence. Depression/anxiety has nothing to do with being weak in body or mind so don’t beat yourself up. Taken some proper time out from work if need be. Talk to your friends & family and be as open as you can. I ignored my “issues” and they came back to bite me big time with CFS 18months on. Now I’m having therapy. I was prescribed citalopram early and it really kicked my arse. Took for 6 months and it turned me into a sleeping zombie. I gave up with it, but I’m sure it helped me get back on an even keel of sorts.

Sounds rough OP.
However:
Most important thing to remember is this is mental illness in that there’s nothing actually wrong with you – it’s just your thoughts that are out of whack – and thoughts can be changed – CBT generally reckoned to be the best proven treatment that we know of… highly recommended IME.

A couple of very positive points in your favour:
1. You’ve recognised you have a problem and you’ve asked for, and received help – that’s a really important step. Over the years I’ve had quite a few close friends suffer from episodes of depression and those that have come through it accepted they had a problem and took responsibility for it – as you are.
2. Your other half is clearly understanding and supportive – another really important aspect of your situation
3. It’s much more socially accepted than it used to be – which means there’s more info available and more understanding.

I can recommend this book as being a good starting point as well as CBT:

Feeling Good

I can also recommend staying clear of alchohol and junk food – eat really healthily, get lots of sleep and get out on your bike as much as you can – endorphins and dopamine are ace 🙂

good post – I feel the same way most of the time! For me a lot comes down to self control / self discipline. I know what makes me feel worse and what makes me feel better but 9 times out of 10 I do the wrong thing!

Appreciate the responses, folks.

I’ve got a feeling this is going to be the toughest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. :/

I’ve suffered wit this on and off over the years (yesterday’s anxiety was particularly crippling)

I don’t like to recommend pharmaceutical intervention, but after a harrowing split with my partner last winter I had to do something or else I was going to go under..

I took anti-depressants for a few months and it was enough to get me back on my feet and discover what lifestyle changes I needed to make, and it gave me the courage to make those changes

I’ve got a feeling this is going to be the toughest thing I’ve ever had to deal with

Quite possibly. I used to see it as a fight with yourself as the enemy becomes your ‘out of control’ subconscious. Part of the reason I got so ill was I stubbornly refused to change my life to avoid the issues causing me stress / anxiety and thought I could fight it and ‘defeat them’. But in effect that means fighting yourself, an equally matched opponent, which isn’t going to work. In the end I was forced to quit my job (that or die), but I was so ill by then that it took months and months to recover any sort of normality. I look back on it all as a good lesson in life, but not a very pleasant one.

cbma – Member
Because I’m going through it right now for no real reason that I can pinpoint, and it would be good to know that I’m not the only one who’s ever felt like this.

Rest assured you are not alone. Going through something similar myself although waning a bit for last few weeks.

On paper, I don’t really have anything significant to worry about, other than the normal day to day stuff that everyone deals with. I work 3 days a week in a super stable job that I enjoy and that’s going well. The rest of the week I’m self employed and that’s doing ok too. I have an amazing partner. My baby daughter turns 1 this weekend. I’ve got two older kids who live with us more than half the week, and they’re happy and balanced and doing very well at school.
But I’m down. Really down. And I don’t know why.

The not knowing can be troubling in itself. It can become a self-perpetuating cycle too.

I feel sick with worry. I feel like I’m letting everyone down, including the kids. And I’m absolutely terrified of the future. And all for no real reason. It’s weird.

I would be quite assured that you are not letting people down. It may seem weird but right now even if it isn’t true – it’s how you feel so isn’t stupid or crazy.

Throughout my life, I’ve always been the most laid back one in whatever group of friends I’m with, but I think the last few years have only just caught up with me and I’m feeling battered. I’ll not go into details, but from my perspective at least, I’ve had a pretty tough time.

And there we likely have at least part of the reason in one way or another. I had a breakdown a couple of years ago and when I realised all I had been through it was hardly surprising. Perhaps it’s similar for you.

My other half persuaded me to visit the doc’s last week, and right on cue I broke down in the surgery. He prescribed me Citalopram and a course of counselling,

Both can help. Citalopram may take a couple of weeks to kick in, but it can give you breathing space and the energy to put into counselling. There are often local charities that can provide counselling really rapidly.

Maybe it’s the side effects of the first few days on this medication? Maybe not. Either way, I could do with hearing some success stories right now.

The medication will take a little time but it will help. Counselling can be a big help – I found integrative counselling very helpful. After my breakdown and even through my current recurrence, through taking timely action I have been able to function. These feelings will pass and you will find a way to deal with them with some assistance. You will be ok in the long run – you just have to hang in there for a little while.

cbma, I went through pretty much exactly the same thing several years ago and, after breaking down at the GPs, got given Citalopram as well. 18 months later I came off them a completely different person. Normal if you like.

My mum said that, even after a short while, it was like having her little boy back again instead of the angry person I had been for a long time. It does work, it just takes time.

If you are anywhere near Cambridge and want a chat, drop me a line.

Cbma. I’m based in Brum if you are in the Midlands and need to talk to someone.

If you are anywhere near Cambridge and want a chat, drop me a line.

Cbma. I’m based in Brum if you are in the Midlands and need to talk to someone.

Thanks guys. I’m waay North of you both, but appreciate the offers.

Couldn’t be more welcome – take care dude!

I’ve rocked that particular dream. There’s no quick cure for this one. Once you’ve realised you’re not firing on all synapses then you can start to recognise when certain nerve endings are bringing you down. Once you know the signs, you can tell your thoughts to go fudge themselves in the harris with a garden gnome.
As much as I didn’t like it at the time, riding helped. Riding at night REALLY helped. I’m in the NW if you fancy a spin.

TRH

EDIT: I only used CBT via the docs. Worked well for me.

As others have said, you’re not alone. I didn’t go the pharmaceutical route as I didn’t feel it was bed enough but I got some online CBT via my GP, which was sort of useful but not amazing. That, plus a few books (like the Chimp Paradox), helped me to put some coping mechanisms in place, but the main help was acknowledging that there was an issue, talking to my wife about it and letting a few people at work know.

Got diagnosed with severe anxiety last year. The diagnosis alone lifted a massive weight off my shoulders as the underlying condition had manifested itself in a variety of different ways, which just created more worries.

I went for CBT which was a massive help. As someone who is the classic strong, silent type, verbalising my problems has never been my strong point, but even I was shocked at how easy I opened up to an absolute stranger in the counselling sessions. Over the weeks, just talking freely really helped me identify and understand my issues. I think I had about 3 months of weekly CBT.

On to of that I was prescribed 50mg of Sertraline. I wasn’t sure how impactful that was until I came off them late last year. Over time my anxieties came back and although the CBT techniques helped, I definitely missed the Sertraline so I’m back on it again. Apart from the initial two weeks which are pretty horrible (a constant urge to break down crying in the middle of the street, massive swings of emotion) I have no side effects at all and once I get beyond the initial bit it’s fine.

So, in summary, talking to someone and medication were both excellent for me.

Been there myself, couple of years ago. The responses above demonstrate 2 things:
These issues are a whole lot more common than many realise, and thank goodness some of the stigma is going.
There are people on here who are offering some very good advice – great to see a really supportive on-line community sharing to help you thru bad times.
6 months on Citalopram got me on an even keel, and was fortunate that my employer was sympathetic to my predicament. Things better now, and understand myself a whole lot better, having spent years in denial. Aware of the triggers and able to actively manage to pre-empt another melt-down situation.
Good luck.

sorry for the short response, at work and don’t want to get shot by the web nazi’s…
I/ we have just been through this with my wife and she has suffered very similar experiences to yourself, it is sometimes really hard to “see” or understand for others external to the sutiation and to a large extent it was very difficult for my wife to understand and see what was happening to her.
The doctors is the right place to start and there are other places like Mind to get support help and a better understanding.
For my wife it seems to be a combination of habit, outlook as well as chemical levels but I am sure every case would be different with it’s own triggers.
She is now going through CBT as well as seeing a counseller and is on the lowest level of medication, this is all very very recent for us and the one thing that has struck me is how quickly things can unravel and also how fragile mental health can be.
The medication had very negative effects on her anxiety at first and made me incredibly worried for her – panic attacks at night, lots of end of teather tears and such negative throughts and feelsings – however once over the initial very difficult start it is making a huge difference.
So much of the above info is spot on and mental illness should have no stigma just because it can’t be seen.
You are letting nobody down at all and you are doing 100% the right thing by seaking assistance. be proud to stand up move forwards.
Be strong, make sure you take the time to see the good in the world around you, the smiles in crowds, the changes int he great outdoors, happiness from the family and friends, the ripping single track…
Sleep for us is also a keep component, so eat well exercise well and make time to relax but try and not sit and dwell on stuff.
Look forward to a happier healthier future 🙂

I have not suffered myself as discussed above but if you need anything I can help with please do feel free to send me a message.

Yip. I usually manage mine with huge amounts of exercise. However, having a gubbed knee is meaning that I’ll be going back onto either citalopram or mirtazapine for a while.

I suffered a breakdown also and got myself stuck in an anxiety disorder.

As others have said its the cycle that keeps it alive, you consciously trying to stop it by carrying out rituals, questioning, listening in to thoughts which feeds the anxiety/depression.

However its curable and im fine now.

Some good books for you is anything by dr claire weekes.

OP you are bored. You need a new focus or direction.

Citalopram from experience can make you feel worse to start with, just stick with it, and the effects will pass – needs about 6 weeks,

palmer77 – Member
Interesting read this one, I has prompted me to think quite a bit especially with regard to myself.
I have anxiety disorder resulting in depression and OCD, this is caused by a number of things; brain chemistry, genetic predisposition and environmental factors. It’s something that has only been formally diagnosed in the last year, but looking back I believe I have been affected by this much of my adult life. I know that I am not an easy person to live with, but I truly appreciate the love and ongoing support of my wife and family, without it I am not certain I would be here today.
I am working through it, I was taking Sertraline which is a Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI) but it made my face numb. I am now taking Venlafaxine which is a Serotonin Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitor (SNRI). In addition to this I am also undertaking Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) to develop coping strategies.
The medication, whilst I was against it initially (thinking I could sort myself out) has been invaluable in getting to a place where I can think clearly. The CBT has been equally as important by providing a safe environment to challenge my negative thoughts. I have other things that help, exercise, music and the outdoors. Despite this, I have good days and bad days.
What I will say is that when I am low, withdrawn or simply unable to cope I behave in a frightened irrational manner. Thankfully this happens less now thanks to the above treatment and support, but I am unsure if it will ever go away fully. At the very least I am now in a position to openly acknowledge my difficulties, and show my appreciate for those who continue to love and support me.
POSTED 7 MONTHS AGO #

I posted this a while ago as you can see. What I would add is that I definitely have a component of SAD attached to my difficulties. I’m still on the meds, and use a lamp also but this time of year knocks the stuffing out of me. I’ve decided I cannot do another winter in this country and am looking for options abroad. Incidentally has anyone found herbal remedies useful? I can’t take any on the meds I’m currently on, but am considering reducing/stopping this for an alternative. I find with the prescribed drugs that they plateau. I have heard good things about 5 HTP…

I believe that the majority (if not all) of cases of depression are caused by problems stemming from the digestive tract. In recent years the guts have become know as the ‘second brain’ within the body and their true importance is now gradually coming to light.

I would recommend that you buy this book:

Gut and Psychology Syndrome

Some of it might seem hard to swallow at first but only need to Google it in order to see there’s a lot of different voices that are all starting to shout the same things.

How much alcohol do you drink and how many days do you have off it?

Did you/do you take recreational drugs or smoke weed?

Need more info

Sounds like a very similar situation to mine about 6 months ago. I’ve been taking citalopram since then and there has been a marked improvement, not cured but finding I give less of a shot when things do go pear shaped.

I’ve pinpointed most of my issues to a job that doesn’t challenge me or provide any career prospects for the dumbest of reasons. Other than that, a batshit mother who did a poor job.

All I can say is it does get better

There is a way out but there isn’t a simple cure. For me it was counselling first which helped until I slipped back into old patterns, then the doctor with a breakdown just like you, citalopram which didn’t seem to do much good but it didn’t do much bad either, then some self funded CBT, joined a depression group to share experiences which really helped, tried mindfulness meditation which also seems effective and am finally feeling like I can look the world in the eye again. Fwiw my counselling started in 2007, citalopram in 2012, symptoms (looking back with clear eyes) in the 90s if not before.

Depression is horrible, its not something that can easily be understood if you’ve never lived it, but it is just an illness that can be beaten.

Op – I’m with you every step of the way.

And if you’re a reader try “Depressive illness the curse of the strong” by Chris cantopher(?) You’ll wonder how he read your mind.

There was a brilliant article by Tom Hill in an STW a good few issues which helped me, too. (I think cycling attracts a certain ‘type’.)

As everyone has said, there’s a lot of experience here and you’ll get good advice (provided you ignore hora obviously…)

Try contacting an NLP consultant and see if you click then if you can find the energy to work with it consistently practising excercises, that should help balance the negative thought process that inevitably is caused by being “down”.

Build and strengthen positive neuro pathways – synapses.

Hopefully this will aid you through the rough patches and outweigh the negatives of depression.
It literally works quick but be prepared to open up to a degree and dedicate as much concentration to doing excercises.
It should be and will be tailored to your individual needs.

Stick with it if you do go for Neuro Linguistic Programming as this will be an excellent coping strategy(s) method(s) to use.

All the best! 🙂

mum has anxiety and panic attacks. she takes Citalopram, has has taken clobazam (not a nice one, v addictive) she has triggers, learned behaviour that sends her into a spiral, she’s learned with CTB to avoid the triggers, and acknowledge that they happen, and what they do. It helps that Dad is there TBH.

Good luck, talk to people, make those who love you aware of what’s happening to you.

X

Mine started here: http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/counselling-where-to-go

I tried anti depressants and came off then when I started paying for counselling. I could have waited but that’d meant taking something. I paid 70-90 an hour (a lot of money to me) but it really really helped me. Personally- to me that route worked.

It wasnt a great time.

I went through a properly shit time a while back, still not really better… I have nothing constructive to add though other than a bit of solidarity. Best of luck!

Awareness of your thought process is important to then correct and feel a weight lifted bit by bit.

Sounds odd at first but is a cery simple technique I found to talk a negative if it arised to a positive.

Think of your mind as a weighted scales, your wanting to balance if not outweighthe negatives.