Excellent… So if there is no wife, and no stolen bike…
Then I am a lawyer, a great lawyer, a really effin great investigative lawyer, in a wheel chair,I am called “wheels” and my tv show has a really funky 70s theme tune, and I wear tweed, and my assistant (called “quimley”) has a velvet catsuit, we drive around in a rover p5 coupe charging through Carnaby Street (nonchalant to the pedestrianisation ) and my facial hair is manicured beyond reason,
and I can safely say in my capacity as an awesome lawyer that the stolen bike is packed full of microfilm stolen by a sexy blond Russian spy called “gnarleasia” ” who has sold the bike via eBay in an elaborate pot to smuggle secrets relating to a new tube set code name “1053” And is probably heading round your house RIGHT NOW to kill you with her suspiciously large hands, and recover the microfilm.
Just my two cents…