OMG I’ve just freaked out. 😯 There’s a large dead bird on my patio, think it’s a crow.

What do I do? Am terrified of dead birds so picking it up is definitely not an option. 🙁

H E L P

Shovel?

Neighbours?

Run out into the street screaming. This should attract a local good Samaritan who will dispose of the bird.

buy a Cat?

stick an old towel over it – A fox will more than likely take it overnight..

A fox will probably come and take it away overnight tonight. Shut the curtains so you can’t see it, it’s too cold to sit out on the patio anyway.

Otherwise get your neighbour to help. Is the boy still watching you? He probably already knows it’s there – EEEK he might have put it there (only joking). Ask a neighbour.

HTH
x

Neighbour’s shovel?

I misread that as ‘think its a cow’. I feel strangely disappointed now.

WTFU – it is an ex-bird, it isn’t going to bite you.*

* Disclaimer: unless of course it is a vampire zombie dead crow.

Get a spade.
Dig a hole.
Put organic waste in hole (you can use the spade for this, precious).
Fill hole.

It might not be dead. Patio = patio doors/glass = stunned?

Or it could be disemboweled, in which case ignore me.

Neighbours?

I’m not sure how watching a day time Aussie soap is going to help the situation.

It might just be pining for the fjords.

I can totally sympathise with you, cinnamon_girl. Even with a shovel, I would not be able to pick it up. There is something about the dead weight of a critter like that that just freaks me out.

I’m fine around either a lot smaller things or a lot bigger, strangely enough.

Are you sure its dead and not just sleeping?

Ignore it.

Just go inside, switch on the telly and take your mind of the whole thing with a good film.

I always feel really sad when I see dead birds and wild animals. Unless they’ve been savaged they’re perfect little creatures in every way. But dead.

Awwwwwwwwwww

Time to fire up the barbie!

A similar effect can be obtained with a can of WD40 and a lighter

I’m fine with other dead animals, remember my dead badger thread from yonks ago? 😉

Birds and flappy feathers. 😐

Would cats bother with it? Not sure if there’s a local fox. Oh this is so horrible!

POIDH!!!

probably make a nice lasagna or something, perhaps sell it to Findus.

Eat it

Careful, it could just be faking it and as soon as you get close enough it will leap up and perform a tracheotomy on you with a single stab of it’s beak.

Cats might have a go but they’ll leave a mess as they don’t like feathers or guts or bones, so imagine it now then imagine it with feathers all over the patio plus blood, guts and bones and then think carefully if you want to leave it out :p

This sort of situation is why the emergency services exist. Dial 999 and let them sort it out.

😀 Vampire Zombie Crows!

Hitchcock would be proud!

Just pretend it’s a rook and you’ll be fine.

if your issue is birds and flappy feathers then this should be fine, doesnt sound like its doing much flapping.

Stick it to your head and go to a fancy dress party as Tippi Hedren

😆

Quick question – if a cat was interested, would it eat the head? I might possibly be able to cope with feathers if there’s no head.

Hand inside plastic bag, pick up carcass, invert bag, tie top.

Of course that implies you don’t mind picking up a bird with an extremely thin layer of plastic between you and it. Freaked me out when I had to do it! 👿

Edit:

Quick question – if a cat was interested, would it eat the head? I might possibly be able to cope with feathers if there’s no head.

If you’ve got a kitchen knife I may have a solution for you

Cats wont touch it they’re near the top of the food chain & only eat fresh meat.

Either the shovel or pick it up with a carrier bag like dog owners pick up dog turds and put it in the bin

dead birds are always much heavier than they look… you might need a good strong man to help you out 😉

throw a towel over it, approach slowly whilst wimperring and squeeling, grab it in a wrap-the-towel-around-it-so-you-dont-have-to-look-at-it fashion, throw it (feebly, like a girl remember) over the back garden. pick it up off the floor next to the fence where you weren’t strong enough to throw it high enough (remember, i warned you they were heavy!), wrap the towel back around it to stop it from staring at you through its cold dead piercing eyes, drop it again, squeel all the way back inside and lock the doors until a man can come and help.

HTH x

We had a bluetit impale itself on a cactus once, it also caused one upset woman.
Was amazed at how well it had managed to impale itself, had to wear thick gloves to pull it off.

throw a towel over it, approach slowly whilst wimperring and squeeling, grab it in a wrap-the-towel-around-it-so-you-dont-have-to-look-at-it fashion, throw it (feebly, like a girl remember) over the back garden. pick it up off the floor next to the fence where you weren’t strong enough to throw it high enough (remember, i warned you they were heavy!), wrap the towel back around it to stop it from staring at you through its cold dead piercing eyes, drop it again, squeel all the way back inside and lock the doors until a man can come and help.

That is exactly how I was imagining how I’d deal with it. 😳

RM.

I bet its just a baby robin or something, you know what women are like 😉

Sure it’s not a warning? Live near any mafioso?

Just so you know:
Wild birds cannot be stuffed or mounted for display without a permit.

(ps. this is Indiana State Law and may or may not apply in the UK)