Last weekend I decided to brighten my cell-like office/cupboard with a couple of pot plants in the vague hope they may supply me with precious oxygen and possibly even absorb/produce negative ions (or whatever the appropriate hippy bollocks is they are supposed to do).

Anyway, I have whatever the opposite is of greenfingers. Death touch?

So how do I avoid killing these little guys?

One is a little "Coffea" which whimsically grows in a coffee mug.

The other is "Mother-in-law's tongue" which my wife bought me for some reason.

Don't overwater, give them a little sunshine (but not too much) and maybe a feed them once in a while. They'll look after themselves TBH

Feed them? What do they eat?
I've got some leftover spag bol, but I was rather hoping to have that for my lunch.

Pot plants usually die (in the first few years of life) because you water them either not enough or too much. Compost should be slightly damp but not so that you can pinch a bit and squeeze water out of it. Make sure the pot it's actually in has holes in the bottom and sits in preferably a saucer or possibly another larger pot. There should not be water sitting in the saucer – there can be when you water it but it should all go within 10 mins ish. If there's any sitting in there then empty it out. Especially important to check this if the pot sits inside a larger decorative pot – you can have water sitting down there and not notice it. So lift it out to check.

Some plants like full hot sun, but for many bright blazing sunlight is too much, so back them off from the window a bit in summer. In winter they might like it.

Don't move them around too much too quickly tho, they have to adjust to a change in conditions.

After several years feeding or repotting becomes important as the plant eats up all the nutrients in the soil. Although it will always appreciate feeding – but follow the instructions – don't overfeed.

🙂

Ready to use Baby Bio

EDIT: it's easier to kill them with too much water than not enough IME 🙂

Ah cool.

So there is a big window and it is a very small office.
Will they get enough sun through the blinds or should I leave them open overnight so they get some morning sun before I have to come in and close the blinds? They're not particularly close to the window (though they can't exactly be far away in a 7'x10' office!)

They were chosen to be easy-care and because the bloke said they liked shade.

As long as they get some natural light they'll be fine.

Don't forget to talk to them too 😉

Yep, will do. 😀

I should also probably avoid drinking coffee where the Coffea might see.

"Yes little plant, I've taken your babies. Roasted them alive, ground them up, and dropped them in boiling liquid so I can consume their vital nutrients."

Mother in laws tongue is a succulent – its a semi desert plant and easily killed by overwatering. In summer water once the compost is dried out. In winter water very sparingly every couple of weeks.

If only the mother-in-law herself were quite so easy to deal with.
Thanks TJ