Viewing 18 posts - 1 through 18 (of 18 total)
  • Good Joke/sign of the times
  • geologist
    Free Member

    Question:
    How do you tell the difference between a British Police Officer, an
    Australian Police Officer and an American Police Officer?

    Answer:
    First – Lets pose the following question:

    You’re on duty by yourself walking on a deserted street late at night.
    Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner,
    locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and lunges
    at you.
    You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot, however you
    have only a split second to react before he reaches you.

    What do you do?

    BRITISH POLICE OFFICER:
    Firstly the officer must consider the man’s Human Rights.
    1) Does the man look poor or oppressed?
    2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law?
    3) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
    4) Am I dressed provocatively?
    5) Could I run away?
    6) Could I possibly swing my gun like a club and knock the knife out
    of his hand?
    7) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong doings?
    8) Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
    9) Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message
    does this send to society?
    10) Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
    11) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to
    stab and kill me?
    12) If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if
    he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself? .
    13) If I shoot and wound him, and lose the subsequent court case, does
    he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and
    the loss of my family home?

    AUSTRALIAN POLICE OFFICER:
    BANG!

    AMERICAN POLICE OFFICER:
    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
    BANG! ‘click’….
    (Sergeant arrives at scene later and remarks: ‘Nice grouping!)

    GrahamS
    Full Member

    And that’s why I’m glad to have British Police Officers!

    Houns
    Full Member

    Chuckle

    *awaits inevitable onslaught from the usual*

    Stoner
    Free Member

    *hi hear galoshes on the stairs*

    Lifer
    Free Member

    Awful

    ski
    Free Member

    Tea anyone?

    Kryton57
    Full Member

    Right there, is why we have riots, excessive criminality and (some)teenager’s with poor values.

    aka authority watered down to a health and safety clause.

    DezB
    Free Member

    14) What would the knowitalls on STW do?

    CaptainFlashheart
    Free Member

    15) What WILL the Grauniad say?

    epicyclo
    Full Member

    I like living in a country where the police don’t carry guns.

    In a country with gun control where the population are not allowed to carry guns, then the police shouldn’t either.

    If gun control works, then criminals won’t have guns because they’ll obey that law.

    Utter bollocks, isn’t it?

    BTW the Oz cop would be ‘bang, bang’, they believe in the double tap.

    16stonepig
    Free Member

    Australian Police Officer: “That’s not a knife…”

    rusty90
    Free Member

    You missed the US cop re-loading and emptying the second magazine as well.
    Good job pistols are banned in this country so that nobody ever gets shot with them isn’t it ?

    thisisnotaspoon
    Free Member

    Right there, is why we have riots, excessive criminality and (some)teenager’s with poor values.

    -kryton57, STW forum 2011

    “The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for
    authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place
    of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their
    households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They
    contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties
    at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.

    -Socrates (atributed by Plato), sometime arround 420bc.

    mintimperial
    Full Member

    Right there, is why we have riots, excessive criminality and (some)teenager’s with poor values.

    Yep, and there’s no crime at all in magic America, right. 🙄

    Lifer
    Free Member

    Kryton57 – Member
    Right there, is why we have riots, excessive criminality and (some)teenager’s with poor values.

    aka authority watered down to a health and safety clause.

    Ever seen international news?

    GrahamS
    Full Member

    Good job pistols are banned in this country so that nobody ever gets shot with them isn’t it ?

    Murdering people is also banned I believe.

    Are you suggesting that because people still get murdered that the law is a farce and we should legalise murder?

    richc
    Free Member

    Shouldn’t this bit read:

    AMERICAN POLICE OFFICER:

    .

    AMERICAN POLICE OFFICER:
    1. Is he Black/Hispanic? then:
    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
    BANG! ‘click’… reload BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click … reload …. BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click .then falsify evidence

    Anyone who would prefer American Police to ours is either a moron, or a American republican (re: a moron), and more than likely agrees with the popular American opinion that the best way to prevent hijacks on planes is to give everyone guns, that way if anyone pulls a gun everyone can shoot everyone else……

    Kryton57
    Full Member

    Right there, is why we have riots, excessive criminality and (some)teenager’s with poor values.

    -kryton57, STW forum 2011

    “The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for
    authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place
    of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their
    households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They
    contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties
    at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.

    -Socrates (atributed by Plato), sometime arround 420bc.

    I’m a philospher?

    Kryton57 – Member
    Right there, is why we have riots, excessive criminality and (some)teenager’s with poor values.

    aka authority watered down to a health and safety clause.

    Ever seen international news?

    Yes. Its not only here I know, and I’m not reffering to the gun as the answer. I’m merely saying that instinctive / parental authoritariasm used to educate chilren/young adults to behave properly has been watered down by people afraid of getting sued/taken to court / seen as abusers etc. We’ve gone too extreme with that.

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