You start a thread with one title and then don't actually state in what way you want to help.
What's it got to do with you? What is your involvement in the relationship? Has she come to you for help? Or are you trying to take over and solve, what you percieve, are her problems without her asking? If so that's just creepy.
Sometimes it's best to say 'I feel for you. If there's anything I can do then let me know.' and step back.
As for the ex not having a backbone, staying in the relationship would have been the spineless thing to do. As said above, better now than 5, 10-years down the line. Life, the world and people change. Great if you truely find someone to spend 80-years with that will change and grow as you do (as you will with them too). Most of the time that doesn't happen though.