Wotcha all.
My girlfriend’s psychologically abusive ex (reduced her to serf/baby machine for more than a decade through destroying her self esteem, guilt-trips, threats to convince the state she was crazy and shouldn’t have access to the kids if she left, berserk tantrums and not-quite physical abuse (holes punched in doors etc)) is reacting predictably poorly to me coming onto the scene. She’s had a solicitor’s letter proposing an even split of custody, up from the one night per week decided upon by social services (an agreement I think, not a binding thing) a year or two ago, and it’s massively upset both her and the kids.
Chappy’s clearly barely bothered about being a parent, sees them when it suits, cancels with no notice, “forgets” . But possessions are possessions, eh? From what I read on the internet, the system will look to preserve the status quo, and since she has always been the active parent then this shouldn’t get too far. BUT, abusers being abusers, the dirty tricks will be coming out. She’s had counselling/medication for post natal depression, we met at a social-anxiety support group (which sounds infinitely worse than the “lets go for a meal/film/bowling with other shy people” reality) so the “the kids are at risk with the crazies” card is definitely getting played.

The he said / she said nature of domestic abuse makes this all seem worryingly open to manipulation by a devious type, so I’m hoping someone can give me advice/opinion/experiences about how to handle this. Is legal advice the very first step, or are there things we’d benefit from working out/ researching/contacting first.

Thanks for any help, the next few months are going to be miserable for us I think