We had a mate who kept getting cold calls when we were in Wales biking. When they phoned back in the evening I played the phone jacker app down the line to him. It was the scam guy. George Akadawengo… The guy kept replying for a good 5 minutes.

Last two I’ve had I’ve played the chemo card (“well that’s funny I haven’t been using the computer as I’m in hospital…”) One of them was really sheepish, apologised and wished me well, the other continued trying to scam completely unabashed. I’ve always fancied trying the amnesia one with the accident scammers 🙂

I usually play children’s music to them down the phone from my mobile phone.

I blew the railway warning horn down the phone to them once when they called me at work, they rang back to tell me they were reporting me for assault so obviously I did it again. They never called back

I’ve had a load of these of late, from a phone number in Manchester. A woman cold called about an accident, then called back to discuss the number of cold calls I’d had, promising that they would stop if I gave her details of my “accident”.

I replied with “There are a number of security questions I need to ask you before we continue as I need to verify your identity”.

This seemed to push her over the edge somewhat. 😀

My daughter has a cracker for the accident scammers.

Hello, we’d like to talk to you about your recent car accident.

Oh, you must mean the bump I had in the DeLorean in 2024

Yes, wait a minute ….. click as phone gets hung up.

….DrP, a variant…. As soon as they ask a question, such as “Is that DrP?” simply reply with, “Let me just go and check”. Put phone down, but don’t hang up. Go about your day. Many are on auto dial and they can’t hang up on you!

that’s my approach along with:
“I don’t think I have a computer, I’ll go look………….”
“I’ll see if I can find the Landlord’s number……..”
“I’m busy but I’ll be back…………….”

then I turn the music up and carry on with what I’m doing and I get really p’eed as youngest antigee has a serious medical condition and if the phone rings I have to answer it just in case

I faked my own death recently – I answered the phone “out of breath” and made a few groaning noises until she asked “are you OK luvie?”…

I told her I had chest pains as I’d just run up a flight of stairs to answer the phone, then did a full-on fake heart attack, complete with chair falling over and phone clattering to the floor… Followed by complete silence.

I heard her panicking a bit and then asking a colleague what to do… He said “just hang up”!!

Later that day, I got another phonecall from the same number, so I answered it with a different voice. It was the same girl ringing to see if I was ok!

I told her I was my business partner and I’d come back to the office to find me dead… “It looks like he ran up stairs to answer the phone and had a massive heart attack…”

She told me that it had been her on the phone and she was just checking up on me… I asked what she was ringing for and she said to see if I’d had PPI… I wailed down the phone in mock grief and screamed “So unnecessary!!!!”

She sent “her love” to my family and sounded genuinely upset… I don’t feel particularly bad about it…

my home phone isn’t plugged in, I don’t know the number without getting the paper work out so its highly unlikely anyone would contact me via that.

my mobile has periodic calls but I ignore all calls other than the boss.

all my communications are via text or email – makes life so much simpler and less personal which is another benefit 🙂

My 2 year old daughter, Alice always answers the land line.

I have always ignored the landline as it is always a mystery caller. My 2 year old is starting to get quite chatty. However, when she is unsure what to say often just says ‘poopoo weewee’s’ much to my and my wifes amusement which was misconstrued by our daughter as encouragement.

My 2 year old daughter, Alice always answers the land line.

I don’t even hang around to listen in any more. She manages beautifully.

Jondoh – them calling back to say you are rude is spectacular!

Indeed and makes johndoh my hero for the day.

If you want rid of them, “tell me what you’re wearing” usually works, if not “Will I tell you what I’m wearing? Nothing!! Want to know what I’m doing” does.

A mate plays the Mario Kart card when he gets called by ambulance chasers. He happens to be a very eloquent speaker and does a fine job of illustrating how he was overtaken by Bowser / collided with Yoshi / Princess Peach was sent reeling for cover / only for Donkey Kong to hit him in the rear etc. Each time the story is different.

I faked my own death recently – I answered the phone “out of breath” and made a few groaning noises until she asked “are you OK luvie?”…

Excellent one!

The only person to call my land line apart from cold callers is my mum. I’ve told her a million times to call my mobile instead, but she’s convinced it’s too expensive, so I pick up the phone in case it’s her and get stuck with Sanjeev from Loch Ben Nevis.

Always worth a repost.

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7OgWcwgB50[/video]

<Waves at CFH>

[video]https://youtu.be/cIVfrBFc5og[/video]

Seemed appropriate to post this gem again.

(EDIT – Great minds!)

Some good responses, some of which I’ve used myself. Love the heart attack idea, reminds of one I used a few years ago when asked “..and how are you today, sir?”. I responded with “do you know, I’ve never felt so bad. In fact if this is another heartless b@$+@rd cold caller who doesn’t give a f%k about how I feel but just wants to sell me something I’m off to the knife drawer to top myself”. Generally though, I just don’t answer (door or phone) if I don’t know the caller

Since I got the call guardian phone system we’ve never had a cold call in 2 years! Looks like I’m missing out on loads of fun!

I need to have more patience and try to wind them up. Just had a call from the Accident Advice Bureau (Indian Branch?) and quickly told the lad to piss off.
But some of the chat ^^^ is genius!
A lot of sympathy for genuine folk trying to do cold calling as a proper job, must be soul destroying.

you kicked my dog, you stupid guy!

have you guys got nothing better to do?? get a caller display phone and just don’t pick it up! 🙄

Leaves me the time to get on with the important things in life, you know like posting on forums and shit

I string the accident ones along as much as I can, figure that they’ve interrupted me I may as well ease someone else’s pain and keep them on the line.

Have you had an accident, yes…. how many in the car, lots, injured? Oh boy yes! Use the knock on the head, amnesia trick once I get to the manager and they hang up! One told me to F off and die once. Wonder if that was recorded for training purposes!

not a telephone cold call, but the door stopping Jehovas Witnesses.
My Mum used to keep them on the doorstep chatting and whilst maintaining steady eye contact our uncastrated springer spaniel made steady contact with their leg. Once he was “finished” and had wandered off Mum used to say “I think we’re all done here” and shut the door. 🙂

Answer the second question with the previous answer you gave and blame echo on the line.

Echo on the line?

On TPS here so don’t get too many legit calls. If I think they’re legit I just suggest their time would be better spent going to the next person on their list.

Otherwise I try to persuade them to join my cult.

You start by deflecting whatever they’re peddling with “I don’t know, my followers handle that for me. They look after everything for me… my income.. spiritual wellbeing… physical needs…”

If they’re still on the line I go for “You’re a persuasive person, we’d be pleased to have someone like you here. You wouldn’t have to make these calls all day, and my followers would be very welcoming to you”.

Immature, I know, but better than being rude. Just a little worried that I’ll get a visit one day from the Boys in Blue.

I like a bit of sport with call centres now and then. My favourite was an industrial injuries company that asked if I had ever worked in a noisy workplace?
Pardon, I replied.
Have you ever worked anywhere noisy?
What? Can you say that again I didn’t hear you?
Have you ever worked somewhere that was noisy?
Sorry, can you speak a bit louder
Have ever
Giggles
Call centre hangs up.

I’ve also had that one and handled it similarly – they must get it a lot, as it’s just too obvious to pass up. Got rude words in response 😆

Ming the Merciless – Member

If it’s a sub continent call centre and the heavily accented guy opens with ” Hello my name is Steve….”

When I was still in the bank, we had a brilliant indian girl working for us named Rebecca- she’d been raised and schooled in a catholic orphanage somewhere in india then moved over here. We weren’t a call centre, we ran the BACS services for the bank and our customers but every so often someone’d go radge because she had an indian accent and was on the phone. So I’d go on and be scottish as **** at them, and sometimes they wouldn’t belive me either. “So what’s the weather like in Edinburgh then eh? eh?” “Chief, I work in a converted computer bunker, I haven’t seen daylight for 6 hours but I assume it’s shite outside” “Hah! You don’t even know!”

The number of companies that had real problems with their systems that they never got fixed, because they refused to talk to us in “india”, was amazing.