Just been talking to my colleagues who sometimes arrive home at 3am feeling disorientated and peckish. What can you keep in reserve at home that would make a suitable homecoming meal? Needs to be simple, tasty and hot.
Pot noodles have already been ruled out.

Mini frozen pizzas?

Pot noodle too complicated? I think I see what state of inebriation we’re talking about here.

Can’t be anything involving the oven or hob, as you’re liable to burn the house down. So that leaves the kettle or the microwave. Can you do cheese on toast in the microwave?

Stagg Chilli. Some Saturdays I work 9am – 2am so like to keep a can in the cupboard for when I get in. Has to be the hot one with a few slices of bread.

Pot noodle too complicated? I think I see what state of inebriation we’re talking about here.

I once saw a girl pour a whole kettle of water down her arm without noticing while chatting and making a pot noodle whilst pissed. The burn from that was utterly horrendous.

Just for clarity – Pot Noodle was judged too rank. Best idea we came up with here was to make toasties, freeze them, and then resurrect them in the microwave. One of the lads has agreed to start experiments with these this weekend.

Surly the key is to plan ahead and have something made before going out that you can eat cold later.

My coming in food was always cheese on toast.

Tin of Tuna
Pitta

Ahhh, but you’ll have to open the Tin, so thats out.

Pitta
Cheese
Mayo

Mmmmm, stagg….!

Surely if (s)he’s pissed, it’s got to be a kebab. And if you’re completely trollied, then only a frozen, microwaveable kebab will do.

http://groceries.iceland.co.uk/iceland-ultimate-snacks-doner-kebab-179g/p/54698

I once saw a girl pour a whole kettle of water down her arm without noticing

You probably should have said something.

Needs to be simple, tasty and hot.

Microwave curry or chilli with bread rather than rice.

Slow cooker is the friend here.

Bolognese, Chilli, Stew etc, all you do is knock something up in the morning, go for a days riding and come back to a nice supper.

Night out on the tiles, get back and you have whatever is in there with a hunk of bread. No faff cooking when drunk, and when you leave it turned on afterwards it doesn’t matter.

Has to be cold Chinese or curry. 30 seconds in the microwave and all that creamy/greasy goodness will start lining your stomach well.

and a few doorstops

we always went to the curry house after beer when I was into staying up late & drinking lots. Or pizza place, or kebab place

this of course does not lend itself to the “racing snake” figure…

My coming in food was always cheese on toast.

This one is a bit dangerous though. On a season in Meribel I came back from the pub and started to make cheese on toast. I then proceeded to completely pass out.

My flatmate was not amused to wake up to a horrible stench at 3 in the morning and then to discover it was coming from 2 flaming balls of lava in the oven. I was completely oblivious.

Not boasting or nowt but I’m good mates with the heir to the Goblin meat pie throne…

Heinz BB microwave pots, grated cheese (buy pre-grated if your really a pisshead) and toast, some chorizio or just Sweet Chilli sauce.

EDIT: just seen the Iceland frozen Kebabs; this country’s gone to the dogs, man!

Toast… You can’t go wrong with toast…

Keep one of these in the house,

Anything else just won’t do it….

Yeah one of my mates was at college and stupidly put some chips on in the deep fat fryer, forgot about them, went to bed and was subsequently woken up by firefighters dragging him out (him still confused as to what was happening). Caused 100k of damage and then about another 20k off other students claiming on their smoke damaged items. Not a popular bunny on campus after that.

Moral of the story seems to be avoid anything unless it had a timer on it (like a microwave or suchlike)

http://groceries.iceland.co.uk/iceland-ultimate-snacks-doner-kebab-179g/p/54698

What the **** is that? WHY?

Anyway, if it is considered safe, you can make bacon in the microwave (Food snob approved), otherwise as suggested, left over curry or chilli.

Just make something and leave it out. Or order a curry and leave that out. Eat on return.

M&S tinned curry, with their fresh naan breads stored in the freezer.

From 0 to tasty meal in less than 6 minutes. – curry 5:30 in the microwave at 600W and put the frozen naan bread in the toaster.

I used to just grab the block of cheese and start biting chunks off

If you are that merry that you cannot do real cooking but not so drunk a pot noodle is palatable then it’s time to order kebab in. Or have a big glass of water and watch the telly until you nod off.

I once lived with a guy who always ate microwave donners and he didn’t even drink! He also asked us once if we thought there was likely to be any cheese in them? He was great with computers and could well be dead from heart failure by now!

Something on the way home, less chance of setting the house on fire 😉

a mate of mine nearly burnt his house down because he tried to boil the electric kettle on the gas hob.

kebab has to be the safest option…

MORE BEER!

Why would you put solids in an hydraulic system?

I am astonished nobody has mentioned a Rustler Burger.
Sober you wouldn’t look at them twice, they are basically s**t in a bun after all, but drunk they are just the ticket. Especially with some sauerkraut and tom sauce.

Cheese and beans. prepare before leaving the house, reheat in the oven when you get back. 🙂

Edit: Just seen the bit about frozen toasties above…

My fave was tuna and beans on toast.

It sounds pretty rank (ok it smells rank too) but has everything you could need.

Ingredients
1 tin heinz beans
1 tin tuna, drained
Chuck it all in pan and heat up, to lava like consistency / temperature.

Toast the bread while its cooking..

Chuck the muck on top – job done!

You can liven it up with any of your faves from the spice rack / sauce selection (salad cream seemed to work well) or cheese.

Peanut butter on toast FTW. Glass of milk to wash it down.

I woke up after a night out once with a bacon sarnie, minus one bite, under my pillow, on a plate.

I once made cheese on toast after a night out

In the morning I realised what I had in fact done is put a whole block of butter and a block of cheese onto a slice of (untoasted) bread and put it all in the microwave…. Managed to eat half of it before I passed out!

I woke up one morning with a mouthful of cheese on toast 😥

the other slice still uneaten on top of the duvet

Wiggles, ha that’s funny, jools that’s even funnier. I once woke up then found a (nearly) full pint of Guinness in my ( hanging up ? ) coat !
I always have a fried egg sandwich, whilst cooking it I repeatedly chant the mantra ” turn off the hob, turn off the hob ”

One of my mate who’s a big lad, used to buy 2 kebabs on the way home, because one was never enough, or at least he always used to think it wasn’t. 9 times out of 10 he’d wake up on the sofa cuddling it in the morning.

Chips from the kebab van on the way home

Winner

Dairylea*, crackers, chilli sauce. Full of win !

*Philadelphia if youm posh.