On leaving an office (not mine, I hasten to add!) earlier today, I stepped in to the conveniences to relieve myself. Cubicles only, so I step in, open up and begin my ablutions.

Before even a drop has dropped, my ears are horribly drawn to the sounds emanating from the cubicle next door. Frantic fwapping and heavy breathing.

So, what’s the correct etiquette in such situations? Should one applaud the onanist alongside? Should one give accompaniment in pronstar soundtrack stylee, a la, “Oooh yeah, big boy, give it to me, give it to me baby!”? Is silence the only option? What to do?

🙂

Crikey, our new bogs are like that (ie cubicles only), if anyone was doing that in there I’d bang on the wall and shout something abusive. (and not in a nice way)

Calling them a Banker would be the only solution.

Lob loads of soggy toilet paper over the door?

Run out and proclaim loudly ‘Uuur, some dirty bugger’s having a sherman in there!’ to the entire office, then wait see who comes out.

Not on though is it? Such activities should only take place in private, not in communal bogs. The Onanist deserves humiliating if you ask me.

Glory hole?

There could have been an innocent explanation. Perhaps he was fighting off an I’ll tempered toilet Troll…..
Still he’s probably dead now and you didn’t help.

A polite… ‘is everything ok in there?’

‘spare a thought for your granny..’ in a benevolently paternal tone is the correct response..

or perhaps a ‘I hope she’s worth it..’ if you’re feeling generous..

You Tube &/or blackmail opportunities in abundance If you happen to have your phone with you 😆

Dead man found strangled by bog roll?

Run out and proclaim loudly ‘Uuur, some dirty bugger’s having a sherman in there!’ to the entire office, then wait see who comes out.

😆 I think this is the best option.

You Tube &/or blackmail opportunities in abundance If you happen to have your phone with you

Yeurgh! then you’d have to look! 😡

Run out and proclaim loudly ‘Uuur, some dirty bugger’s having a sherman in there!’ to the entire office, then wait see who comes out.

I think this is the best option.

May not have gone down too well my clients! 😉

It’s an outrage of public decency.

I note you say cubicles only. Was it the female toilets! If so that takes on a slightly different complexion.

Glory hole?

😆

CFH . We know you were only delivering photocopying paper .
Clients , really ?

😆 @ singletrackmind!

Your only jealous as you found *someone* who was actually enjoying being at work…..

Besides, you know what estage agents say about houses over 50 years old are likely to have had someone die in them, so you shouldnt get creepy.

Well, i hate to break it to you fella, but someone probably had a sherman in your house before you bought it. And in every public loo you ever visited.

Besides, everyone does it, or have you cum all victorian over us? Why not leave them alone, and move on. Unless your question was really “should I try the door to see if it’s unlocked”? In which case, you probably support Fulham FC.

Record the sound of a camera shutter on your phone, poke it over the cubicle and play it.

Depending on who it is, they may turn out to be very lucrative clients after all.

Call the police, next time it could be a child’s face etc.

have you cum all victorian over us?

Typo?

I believe the correct thing to do is run out of the thunder box very quickly and locate the nearest office fridge. You must then hope that there is a bottle of squirty mayonnaise or a tub of natural yoghurt in there. Extract the goods from the fridge and run back to the cubicles and start making even louder noises yourself. Build to a climactic crescendo and squirt the Mayo over the top of the cubicle or lob the yoghurt over so it covers the monkey spanker next door. Finish with a manly sigh

Retire to a safe distance and see who emerges

One of those suggestions up there is rife for abuse. Watch your boss go to the toilet, follow them in, have a quick slash, then come out and say that there is someone having a sherman in the toilets. Boss comes out – framed.

c’mon flash, you can’t try and convince us that you went to boarding school one minute, then try and tell us that you’re unused to sharing spaces with masturbating males the next.

Once heard someone in a Morrison’s bog moaning and just assumed he was having difficulty parting with over large richard. In hindsight, he could have been having a ham shank, which makes me wish I hadn’t asked him if he needed a hand

Cubicles only, so I step in, open up and begin my ablutions.

Never mind about the tosser next door, why the **** were you washing yourself in a toilet cubicle ? 😕

It wasn’t me. On this occasion.

why the **** were you washing yourself in a toilet cubicle ?

‘Officer, I was just cleaning it and it went off in my hand’

A little sympathy please!

You should have joined in, matched the pace and seen if you could complete in unison

First thing I’d have done is make sure there were a pair of shoes on the floor next door and that boyo wasn’t casting admiring glances over the top while standing on the loo 😉

PMSL @ Woody ! 😀

pdf: very good!

Captain: are you sure that only one person was in the cubicle?

You should have just had a massive stinky turd, making sure that you farted loudly throughout. Unless he’s into that sort of thing. In that case you should have gone in and finished him off, so to speak.

You sure that the person in the other cubicle didn’t have a “partner” in there with them? M or F??

Assumptions eh..