Bit bored here. Please tell me hilarious events you have witnessed.

Been done before I know, my favourite was the guy who farted on his sister's birthday cake for a laugh but then followed through 😀

3 yrs ago at Xmas my then 6yr old got a mini electric helicopter. He hadn't really mastered flying it, infact he'd hardly got it off the ground.
His uncle(who shall remain nameless 8) ) decided that he would be able to get it flying, and indeed he did, across the room, neatly over the 2 inch gap between the fire guard and the fire-place and straight into our lit fire!! My son ran screaming off to his bedroom, I ran out the back, laughing my head off and uncle was fairly mortified. Eventually my son saw the funny side!
😀

Another job in another town.

Cycling the long way home through some singletrack.
Ipod on,minding my own business
Noticed 2 bikes in the woods and a couple enjoying some al fresco loving,legs akimbo.

Nice day for it I thought and carried on riding minding my own business.

If I had paid a little more attention I would have recognised my old Gary Fisher leaning against the tree.
Popped round to a mates for a cuppa and shared the tale.

The next day get a phone call at work from a different mate-the one who had bought my old Fisher explaining that it was him,but it wasn't his gf.
It was his gf's brothers gf and that this had been going on for years.
Worried that I'd spill the beans.
I really hadn't noticed(wouldn't recognise his backside!)

He was called shagger from then on.

riding one sunny Monday afternooon in the chilterns I rode past one sign for a pub and ignored it (i still had to drive back to sheffield), but 400yds on I saw a second sign for the pub so let my thirst get the better of me.

The pub was down a gravel path behind a hedge. It had a little thatched roof. Anyway, riding down the path suddenly a topless fella pops up from behind the hedge and says to someone beside him (hidden) "It's a man on a mountain bike". As I get to the end of the hedge and ride round it, I see that he's completely b****ck naked, sunbathing with his wife who was hiding her blushes with a copy of the paper.

"Er, how do" says I
"Afternoon!" says the landlord, "I suppose you'll be wanting a pint"

And he opened up the pub for me (after getting dressed). Turned out he was from quite close to Sheffield too.

Very amusing

This is from a colleague's husband…
One of his mates went to a party at our local football social club, and also took his 16yr old Down's Syndrome son. After a while the lad asked if he could go outside. His Dad said yes, but that he had to sit on the wall and not wander off.
After a while the Dad thought he'd better check on his son.
He went outside, and sure enough the lad was sitting on the wall, but covered in dust and mud. His Dad asked him if he was OK, and he said he was fine but that he'd just caught a troll!
His Dad asked him about this and he said he'd rugby tackled the troll to the ground, picked him up and then locked him a shed behing the football club. Not really believing him but a bit concerned with the state his son was in, he went to investigate. He could here shouts of "let me out" coming from the shed.
He ran to open it, and out burst a very angry Turkish Dwarf!!!

8)

That is an astonishing story, Anglea!

Which one mol?

The troll dwarf story has been doing the rounds for a couple of years in different forms, URBAN LEGEND!

The troll dwarf story has been doing the rounds for a couple of years in different forms, URBAN LEGEND!

http://www.snopes.com/embarrass/mistaken/troll.asp
.

Reminds me of a chap I used to work with. He was always telling one-upping stories. Whatever you'd done he'd done bigger, better, more. One day he told a story about running a cat over, I forget exactly how it went. We called him a bull****ter and he swore it was absolutely true. To prove him wrong I opened up an urban legends website and before we'd even searched anything his story was on the home page. Mug.

Photos being taken at a wedding, the bride looking stunning in a lovely white satin'ish dress. One of the kids that always turn up in kilts at these things, probably some relative of hers, sat on her knee for a picture.
Then slid off to go back to play
Leaving a skidmark most of the way down her lovely white satin-encased thigh.

He was always telling one-upping stories.

My dad calls people like this 'Big Black Catters'. If you told them you had a big black cat, they'd own one bigger and blacker.

I remember one time when I was a young boy being at my Nan and Granddad's house with my Dad and he kept asking me to go out to the kitchen and bring him a cold can of beer from the fridge.

By the 4th time he had asked me I was becoming a bit fed up, so when I took the beer out of the fridge I shook it vigorously for about a minute and then took it through to my Dad.

He opened it and it really did explode everywhere!

I kept very quiet about the shaking that I had carried out in the kitchen.

Nowadays I sometimes ask my children to fetch a beer from the fridge for me and I have told them about this story, just to warn them if it ever happens to me then I know it will probably be one of them who did it.

Whatever you'd done he'd done bigger, better, more.

Elevenerifers. If you have been to Tenerife, they've been further…

heh. I know someone who has been described as 'his shirt is always whiter'

Nowadays I sometimes ask my children to fetch a beer from the fridge for me and I have told them about this story, just to warn them if it ever happens to me then I know it will probably be one of them who did it.

I used to just point the can at the kid when opening it.

A few years ago, me and Mrs B were off to a friend's new house for a houswarming/40th birthday.

As we got in the taxi to take us from the centre of their town to their house, the taxi driver said he knew the house well, so we decided that there had to be a bit of a back story to the house. The taxi driver said that he'd just picked lots of people up there, so that was no help; we decided to make one up.

As we entered the house we told K (Mrs B's mate) that the taxi driver had told us that it was well known in the town for being the venue for lots of swingers' parties and, before we'd got as far as hanging our coats up K had told everyone in the house that story, and was post-rationalising the red paint in the bedroom, the double drive, etc.

That was 4 years ago, and wherever she or her husband go they still tell everyone that their house was the local swingers' club.
We haven't the heart to tell them it was a wind up, plus it makes us p**s with laughter as everytime she repeats the story she adds a bit herself.

Angela the poor boy hadn't even touched it let alone had a chance to fly it! It was very funny though 😆

well, get this right, u wont believe this! sum guy the other day was bragging right about those there southern shandy drinkers being more rad than us northerners!!! well i was rolling around cryin wi laughter! av u ever heard owt as funny in yer life! hope u manage to read it without pissi yersen!!! 😆

I used to own a petrol station just outside Durham & one fine day 2 girls pull in for fuel, one of them says 'are we on the right road to Scarborough?' (daft enough in itself) so I explain the way & she says 'blimey, how long will it take us' & I says 'an hour & a half' 'What! we've been driving 3 hours already' I asked her where they'd come from & she says 'Harrogate'

Look at the map if you think it's not funny.

Friend of a friend story……

Fof was staying at the Old Course Hotel in St Andrews – very posh hotel, nice leisure suite and pool/gym. Anyways, he decides to book a massage and gets an absolute stunner as his masseuse. After a bit, he gets a woody and she spots it and asks him 'would you like some relief sir?'

Thinking it's his lucky day, he says yes and she excuses herself from the room. He thinks she is off to get changed or something. after a few minutes (during which time he has to help keep his own chap up) she pops her head round the door and asks 'are you done yet?'.

Another friend of a friend story…..

Said friend on holiday with girlfriend on a caravan site, late at night they are disturbed from their sleep by

some lads in the next caravan coming home pissed from the pub. Friend goes out to them to quieten them down

and gets into an heated argument, which is only stopped by girlfriend fetching site owner who tells lads they're

to get off site first thing in morning.

When friend and girlfriend got up , she managed to get him out of caravan and away from trouble early and

when they returned the troublesome lads had gone.

They soon realised that someone had been in their van while they were out but they couldn't find anything

missing or damaged.

When they returned home after holiday and they'd had their film developed from their camera, one of the

photos showed someones hairy arse with their toothbrushes stuck up his ring piece!

I could do my saddle incident story…..

Riding home across open ground, came to the open cast mine behind our house.
There were various concrete channels built, including one through a hill. I used to ride along the top of the concrete to get home, bit risky but ho hum.

One day I was riding home along the top of the concrete and suddenly an alsation appeared from nowhere, ran straight at me and knocked me off the edge of the lip. The drop was a good 30 foot, nearly sheer concrete wall. My handlebar grip rubbed against the wall and slid on my side down to the concrete floor. The bke rotated so I was falling stood up on the pedals,my thighs against the bars, front wheel pointing skywards.

When the back wheel hit the ground, I collapsed onto the bike and the saddle went right up my arse and snapped off the post. I had to pull it out.

My arse leaked blood for a few days until I went to the hospital.

There they all looked at each other when I told them what happened and positioned me over a block of wood for treatment. I lay there, naked, expecting a professional to come in a treat me and then a load of student doctors appeared to have a good luck up my ring.
The doctor told them all that I had *apparently* fallen on a bike saddle. Obviously absolutely no-one believed him

my parents were at a particularly Scottish funeral (of a female friend) on a particularly Scottish day, absolutely lashing it down, as the coffin went in there was an audible splash, and somebody said "well if she's noo deid noo she will be soon'

Girlfriend and her sister and I were playing in the garder with their cousins daughter. Shes about three so there was a 'dance off' going on. We were all pulling off our best moves dancing around. The cousins daughter was there with the girlfriends auntie, uncle, gran and grandad. So we were taking it in turns to pull our 'best moves'. After afew times round of doing silly dance moves etc it comes back to girlfriends sister. She decides to do a cart wheel. She is wearing a loose pancho type top so as she goes over her top comes up; only to expose her chest completely lacking any form of undergarment. The looks on all the old peoples faces is priceless, mortified even. This story will deffinately do the rounds.

mtbmaff : http://www.snopes.com/racial/crime/toothbrush.asp

Can I please suggest further posters check this site before posting

http://www.snopes.com/

just to make sure, like…

Out side the Greyhound pub in Pontllanfraith saw a group of girls huddled around a old shape mini with the bonnet open. My mate being chivalrous asks if everything is alright. Yes we are fine comes the reply, What are you doing he asks. Turns out the drivers dad told them to put some oil in the car. They had bought a little can of oil and were trying to pour it in down the dip stick hole.

He just said tricky job that and left them to it. Must have taken hours.

While at work we were short staffed so I had the job of working the bar and also taking meals from the kitchen to the customers. Most of the customers were great and there was usually a lot of banter back and forth between me and them.

One day a group comes in and they all have soup starters aside from one person. Their next course was fish and chips all round, one with no peas. I asked who had the one without peas and one person who had his hands under the table said "me please" so I said "good lord man, how can you not like peas!" and had a bit of a joke with them.

About 20 minutes later I noticed he had a severe case of parkinsons 😳 😆

I apologised a lot and it was met with "dont worry about it…I havnt laughed so much in a long time"