So I have just found out I have the unfortunate duty of attending the funeral of a cousin who died recently- and for several reasons I last met this person when I was 18 months old. I’m 34 now. The family that will be in attendance I haven’t seen in several years and I’m there representing my immediate side of my family as I’m the only one local that can attend at this notice. It’s to take place at a crematorium I’m told.

I’ve only ever been to one funeral in my life several years ago which was intentionally an informal affair at that family’s request so I don’t have a go to dark suit or even black tie.. What would be acceptable? I have dark (black) dress trousers and mostly light shirts but only a navy suit that has done interview and wedding duty on occasion. I don’t want to look like a tosser. Any suggestions? Spending hundreds is not an option right now sadly. Tips appreciated.

Dark suit, white shirt black tie, navy would be fine. Most importantly be there for your family

Navy suit should be fine with white shirt and black tie.

Wear your suit, buy a black tie. White shirt . Done

I attended a funeral where a teenager wore a football top. 😯

Black trousers

White shirt

Black tie

Is a safe bet.

If it’s cold or raining then a dark coat in absence of a matching suitjacket

Plain navy tie, light shirt and navy suit.

If it’s cold or raining then a dark coat in absence of a matching suitjacket

I have a cashmere overcoat that I only ever wear for funerals. Best buy ever.
It always seems to be freezing at every funeral i’ve ever attended.
It’s a bad enough situation without standing for an hour with your teeth chattering.

Listen to Victoria Coren-Mitchell talking about serial funeral attendees on R4 at about 5.43 pm yesterday – hilarious and you’ll learn something interesting about funerals.

Or you can read the strange story here: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2008/dec/21/celebrity-victoria-coren

I went to a charity shop* to pick up a black jacket when the FIL dies earlier this year. Cost me £15 for a suit. Double breasted so not fashionable** but who cares at a funeral as long as it’s respectfull and fits.

Plenty of people don’t own suits so come in coats, fleeces, jumpers, allsorts. I don’t think anyone would be bothered as long as you made an effort to be respectful to whatever the family wanted.

*being a charity shop I appreciated the irony of potentially buying a dead mans suit for a funeral. I’m a serial charity shopper though, my black-tie outfit for last years christmas doo was a £1 DJ from a charity shop, ditto shoes and waistocat, black flat-front office trousers from M&S, braces from Matalan! Black tie for less than the first round of drinks cost!

** If I keep it 20 years it’ll come round again.

charity shop or primark. I have a primark suit that I bought on the morning of a wedding (I’d forgotten to take my jacket with me to Ireland) and as it fits me really nicely (which is luck), it gets used quite a lot. Should be ~£30

As above, smart and sombre. Charity shops are good for this. I was in such a state for my mothers funeral I left my suit at home…a quick dip in charity shop and I was sorted for £10.

The only time I have varied was for a childs funeral who had requested everyone wear bright colours, especially purple (her favourite colour).

No need for a black tie these day; even Catholic priests stopped wearing black vestments at funerals decades ago. Granted I wouldn’t go for a comedy tie either. Just look smart and that will be fine.

The people who a really grieving won’t care about your tie.

Any suggestions?

Ask the immediate family.

As above smart is fine.

It was my dads funeral a couple of weeks ago and people just came smart(ish) one of my cousins (male – late 20s) came in tight back trousers, smart vans style slip ons and no socks, the only person who commented was me when I was taking the piss out of him.

No need to go black suit/white shirt/black tie any more IMO, being there is normally more important, unless your family has their priorities completely arse about face.

Dark suit and light shirt with matching tie (I wouldn’t do black tie with navy suit I think it would look odd).

Or

Black trousers, white shirt and black tie

Would be fine and in keeping with what was worn at a funeral I’ve been to in the last couple of weeks.

Might as well have ended the thread after the second post…..nuff said!

also make sure your shoes have had a recent polish etc and look decent

Dark clothes of any colour will be fine.

Take a brighter tie with you, just in case you’re the only one in “traditional” funeral dress.

I’ve been to one funeral where the widow wore a bright pink dress (to celebrate her husband’s life, not his death) and to another where the widower (a vicar) wore lycra, and arrived on a tandem.

Basically, the family will be pleased to see you there, and won’t care about what you’re wearing.

Might as well have ended the thread after the second post…..nuff said!

Unless the family has a specific request in mind – it does happen.

Depends how bright the suit is, but if it looks ok with a white shirt and black tie that’s the obvious choice. Else just dark trousers, a black v-neck jumper on top would be better than a non-matching/coloured jacket.

I have a cashmere overcoat that I only ever wear for funerals. Best buy ever.
It always seems to be freezing at every funeral i’ve ever attended.
It’s a bad enough situation without standing for an hour with your teeth chattering.

+1
I was about to say the same about attending a funeral at this type of year. The crematorium will probably be very cold and you’ll be standing around outside for at least half an hour before the service begins so take a warm dark coloured overcoat if you have one.

You’ll offend no one with white shirt and black tie. And it looks fine with a navy suit – it’s exactly what I wore to a funeral last week where 90% of blokes were wearing black ties.

Great, thanks for the tips and particularly the coat mention- i have one that will work well i think. That addition hadn’t occurred to me in lieu of a very dark jacket/suit.

I’ve been to one funeral where the widow wore a bright pink dress (to celebrate her husband’s life, not his death) and to another where the widower (a vicar) wore lycra, and arrived on a tandem.

I’m going to insist that when I go, nobody wears a suit, a tie or anything black. Sod that, I don’t want it looking like a funeral!

I’m going to insist that when I go, nobody wears a suit, a tie or anything black. Sod that, I don’t want it looking like a funeral!

Absolutely spot on. The last two I went to there was a dress code of sorts, one was strict casual dress and the other West Ham colours, both to suit the person we were there for. If its a distant relative then I can see the merit of wearing a black suit/white shirt/black tie funeral uniform so as not to offend anyone but if you knew the person then I think its worth putting a little more thought in.

If it’s distant relative, I wouldn’t be going. Not that I have any distant relatives left!

the suit you have, a light shirt (ideally white but blue is unlikely to offend) and a dark tie (black is good but navy or the like is fine too). I’ve been to a few to many funerals recently and that would have been the norm. Very few black suits, quite a few brighter ties.

This is very simple:

Navy suit + white or pale coloured shirt + black tie is the right answer. It’s what I wear to funerals*.

If you want to wear the black trousers (with shirt/black tie), then you’ll need a blazer or sports jacket to smarten it up.

*I don’t possess suits that aren’t blue in colour, mainly because grey makes one look pale and you have to spend lots on a black suit not to look like you’re due in court….

We have always been very formal in our family – wearing a navy suit with a sombre tie (doesn’t need to black) would not upset anyone.

I’ve worn black suit, white shirt and black tie to all funerals

Many people have worn navy suits, plain shirt and plain tie (not massively patterned, quite ordinary)

They all looked fine

Your suit, plain shirt, plain dark tie. Don’t overthink it.

^^ just wear your suit

At my folks funerals there was a mix, from full on highland dress to no discernable effort (in dress, I mean).

Most men were dark suit/white shirt/dark tie.

We, the family, did not give a shit. That they had turned up was the main thing.

If you haven’t a suit, don’t worry, just dress dark and somber, turning up is the main thing…

Miniskirt, apparently is okay according to my sister in law…

If it’s distant relative, I wouldn’t be going. Not that I have any distant relatives left!

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breatheeasy – Member
Miniskirt, apparently is okay according to my sister in law…

On you or SIL? Need a bit of eye candy at funerals sometimes.

Was at a funeral where the deceased always wore loud colours and everyone was told not to wear sombre clothing, there was a caveat that anyone wearing dark clothing didn’t get free drinks at the bar afterwards.

I might add that to my will.

If it’s distant relative, I wouldn’t be going. Not that I have any distant relatives left!

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Perhaps DezB is Louis Mazzini?

For me, it’s always the kilt; varying the top half of the outfit to suit the event, so a black open neck shirt in summer weather for family, or a jacket, white shirt, black tie and heavy coat in winter.
I’ve also been to quite a big funeral where the deceased was a big name in running, so we all wore colourful event-branded running jerseys and gear from associated races, in my case, above the kilt.
Just be comfortable and be yourself. As many have said, the important thing is that you are there.

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